(“Warning: The following has been rated M for mature language, disturbing images and general retardation and should not be viewed by anyone. Ever.”Â)
Howdy folks. I’m Bebito Jackson and welcome to another edition of your favorite internet based videogame video clip show column and mine, Cracked Out VideoGame Vids. Say that three times fast.
We dedicate today’s column to the Nintendo Wii. Sadly it’s been at least a year since I’ve even touched the thing. (It’s been over a year since I touched my Wii… haha) Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great console… revolutionary even as evidenced by both Microsoft and Sony trying to shoe-horn into the motion gaming market. It’s just that there are so many other great games on my PS3, my Xbox360, and even the PS2 (Sakura Wars V in English!!), that my poor Wii gets left out in the cold. So hopefully today we’ll make up for that. We probably won’t. I’ll probably end up desecrating the console somehow but here’s hoping.
Let’s see. Ah. So according to the rules of the internet all Wii videos exist solely to show people, pets, and property being damaged and or injured by those too stupid to wear the simple wrist strap attached to the controller. TVs get destroyed, family members get sucker punched, animals are killed, and it’s all mildly amusing but… eh. I’m tired of that. Let’s watch some perverted stuff!
I’ll reserve comment and instead let’s see what the latest posts on it from YouTube are…
The Nintendo Wii – brings joy to the whole family.
he gets raped but he plays on
That’s because he’s a hardcore gamer. Get it? Hardcore ga… oh nevermind.
he shouldn’tÃ¯Â»Â¿ have told the dog to get off
he’s gonna have a puppy.
No. That’s psychically impossible. He can’t be pregnant even if he was a girl because,… well uh, I don’t want to say exactly what was probably being penetrated in this particular case…
popped his butt cherry
…ok then, didn’t have to explain it.
omg! I am under 18!
…ok. Not really sure how that applies TheSalyanfromSweden. But ok. Good effort.
That’s wha I’m callin’ doggy style
I suppose that is the correct terminology regardless of who is performing that particular… oh, wait I get it! Doggy style! Hahahahahahahahaha.
What people? I’m a little slow.
This isn’t funny because it was staged. They planned on that to happen. The kid tried to get the dog to mount him. If it was real it still wouldn’t be funny.
Oh THANKS A LOT Jared. We were all having fun here and you just decided to rain on everybody’s parade. Of course the video is fake. What parent continues to film their dog butt rape their 11 year old child without attempting to stop it or at least taking a moment to point and laugh. Neither of the two happened, so obviously it was staged but screw you Jared. SCREW YOU. That’s why nobody likes you and you suck.
Ok, so what’s next…
“WINNER!”Â Hahahahahaha… awesome.
You’re probably reading this right about now, looking at these vids and thinking I must be like ten years old. It’s not true. I’m a somewhat mature, rational human being. I just have bi-polar disorder. Many people think of this as a bad thing. Wrong! It’s bad only half of the time. I just make sure to wait until I’m in the blissful state of full on manic lunatic overjoyed insanity. BAM, instant columns. Time for me to turn on the internet, watch some videos, and giggle like a little school girl who’s having her tickle fancied by her bi-curious best friend. So yes, pedo, masturbatory, degenerative, and juvenile videos and jokes ahoy! When I’m in the dumps? I just won’t write then. It’s difficult though because I’ve stopped and started writing this paragraph over 50 times during the last sixteen minutes. I do it for you people. I do it for you.
Really should start taking those meds again.
Ah. Good place to end things me thinks. So let’s send us off with an oldie but goodie in that of G4’s masterpiece commercial for the Wii’s launch.
Bebito is a devoted Sega fan that is unhealthy obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog. He has worked in video game journalism since 1999 and has worked as both Editor in Chief and Director of Marketing & Public Relations for the gaming divisions of 411mania.com and Inside Pulse. He’s wacky. He makes many misguided attempts at humor. He's the greatest, sexiest, most endowed, most intelligent and humblest member of the staff. And he’s a long time fan of the original Diehard Gamefan.