OUTBOXED: The Pokémon Special

Pokémon is, as we all know, a video game series devoted to giving children the cock-fighting experience without any of the bird flu or legal troubles. It’s like a cuddlier version of Thunder dome.

    Ed Tivan to weicool (Pokedream.com)

    i wants to no how to start my own pokeymans fighting ring in my house where i live. i don’t think that I can afford peekatyous or sideducks, but mice and gerebils and hampsters are cheep at the pet store near where i live.i no i cant use dogs because that football guy katie vick did that and they said he shouldnt do that without a dog licence. i bought some of them mice but it is hard to get them to fite or bite or electiciti attack do they need bateries for to do it? i dont no were to put the bateries in a mose but i tried and what ahpened was perty gross.

    Edward Tivan
    Though its been a while now
    I can still feel so much pain
    Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
    But the scar, that scar remains

    ps i no i cant use dogs butcan i use cats?


Pokemon, as we all know, is an acronym for POK erythroid myeloid ontogenic facto. This gene is believed by some to serve as a “master switch“ for cancer. Hence the theme song:
I want to cause a lot of cancer
Like cell phones never caused
To metastasize is what I do best
Teratomas are my cause!



    Keith Safari to mailbag@pokemon.com

    I’ve noticed a weird glitch in Pokemon Stadium. If I play it after about 11 pm, everything seems to work fine. . . at first. But then, after shutting the game off, I become overwhelmed with the sense that I am insignificant and that all life has no meaning. I feel hollow. I become consumed with the idea that there is no soul and that the end of my life will be the end of my entire existence. I won’t even be remembered.

    Would I be able to switch this faulty cartridge out for a refurbished one?

The response, sadly, was automated.

    From: Customer Service
    Date: Wed, Mar 11, 2009 at 12:12 PM
    Subject: Technical issues with Pokemon Stadium
    To: Keith Safari

    Thank you for contacting the Mailbag at Pokemon.com!

    We receive tons of e-mail every day, and while we can’t personally respond to each one, we do read them all. Be sure to check the Mailbag at Pokemon.com frequently to see if your e-mail is chosen to appear in a future article.

    Pokémon USA, Inc.


Pokémon, as we all know, is a youth counter-culture movement in Chile. They are like perkier Goths.

    addisonloggins to Amy Wexler, Director of Public Relations, Pokémon USA

    My name is Addie Loggins. I’m in eighth grade and writing a article on Pokemon for my school newspaper, the Lake Shore Junior Eagle. I was wondering if you could answer some questions. I have included more questions than I need answers so you only need to answer the ones you want to. Thanks in advance for your time!!

    1. What do Pokemon eat?

    2. Is Pikachu a boy or a girl?

    3. How old is Ash?

    4. How come Brock is such a flirt? Was he the victim of a love potion?

    5. Why do Pokemon fight each other? Do they get paid for winning, or do they just attack each other for no good reason like my dog at the dog park?

    6. Do Pokemon have souls?

    7. My friend from Korea said she ate a Pokemon. Do you think that would make you sick?

    8. Does Mewtwo ever wear pants?

    9. Who would win in a fight between Psyduck and Aquaman?

    10. Can Pokemon get married or do they have to have civil unions?

    11. Does Pokemon Diamond and Pearl have anything to do with that Prince song?

    12. What would happen if a Pokemon was bitten by a vampire?

    Thank you for your time,

    Addie Loggins.

Ms. Wexler has yet to reply to Addison. It is assumed that she hates children, newspapers, or some combination thereof.

Pockymon is, as we all know, a type of horrible monster made out of sweet Japanese biscuits. Your only defense is milk!

    Paco Mann to Maki Ichikawa

    Greetings and salutations,

    I love Pokemon! When people see me, they yell my name like the Pokemon theme song! They say PACO MANN (even though it is pronounced “man”), they say PACO MANN, I WANT TO BE THE VERY BEST LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE I WILL BATTLE ACROSS THE LANDS SEARCHING FART AND WIDE TO CRUSH THM IS MY REAL BEST TO TRAIN THEM IS MY PRIDE!

    I hope they aren’t making fun of me.

    For my birthday, my grandma made me a pokemon pizza. She called it PizzaChu. He had little olive eyes and rosy pepperoni cheeks and a little anchovie mouth. It was so cute! My grandmother tried making electricity sparks, but she used fondant which isn’t very good on pizza. My mother made better sparks last year, but she can’t use her arms anymore since the subway accident.

    Whilst waiting patiently for the second set of Pokemon TFG, I came up with a great idea for the third set. Check this out! You put them in pokeballs, and roll them onto the table, and then they explode! When the smoke clears you see Charizard, AND HE IS ON FIRE! You could make it breath fire!

    I’d like to see Heroclix do that!

    Sincerely Paco Mann.

    PS can you please make a species of Pokemon that is Mexican?!

Maki Ichikawa never responded to this email. It is assumed that she hates pizza, Mexicans or some combination thereof.


pokevajayjayPokeyman is, as we all know, a creature who is half man-half clay horse. He can even jump into books!

    Ed Tivan to http://pokemon.marriland.com/contact.php

    Pkemon Help Question!

    thank you for this form to make sure that im not a robot as the robots email me and i hate them for it

    the robots email me and tell me that my private parts are too small and to get bigger boobs and i dont even want to have boobs

    what i want to know is if jigglypuff is a lady pokemon or a man pokemon becaus i think jigglypuff is hot and i am worried that means that i am a gay which i dont think i want to be becaus i dont want god t be mad at me for being that way

    so jigglypuff is a girl and im not gay right

Mr. Tivan is still awaiting the answer to this question. Until he gets it, he will be following Pikachu’s plurks. . . while pleasuring himself.







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