The Furious Gaming Geek Takes Gamerankings Down a Peg or two!
|Date: Thu 17 Jul 2008 01:00:01 PM EDT
Subject: My heart is achin’ for YOU mr. Lee!
Through the electronic alchemy of the Internet I have discovered that your name, Lee Alessi , is an anagram of “As Lee Lies”. I, the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me, find this to be an appropriate nickname for the site that you run is in fact and in deed is a house of LIES.
The reason are various and sundry.
First, I, the Furious Gaming Geek, have never been scouted as a member. The Furious Gaming Geek does not fill out electronic paperwork; people come to the Furious Gaming Geek, in person, offering baskets full of muffins, both mini and full size, and they beg him to join their respective websites. Yet I look on the doorstep of the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me, and I see no mini-muffins. I see no regular muffins. Nor do I see the large size giant type muffins which are sometimes called Texas style, which I find to be confusing because I think of Texas style as those johnnycake muffins with jalapeno slices inside their warm corny goodness.
Second, there is no review of Pong on your front page. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Do you not think Pong, the first video game played by me, who is the Furious Gaming Geek, is an important enough Video Game? Are you he sort of 12 year olds that live in your parents basement playing in worlds of the war craft with axes and the ill humored groos while downloading deviant art of midget furry bukkake? Or do you prefer Furry Midget Bukkake?
Thirdly, but not lastly in the real world, but truly lastly in this email which grows long and tiresome like a CVS receipt full of superfluous coupons and bonus bucks: Who do you think you are to organize things by the alphabet on the first page of the website which is yours, but not the website which belongs to the Furious Gaming Geek. Many other websites order things via the alphabet, and I find this idea of yours to not truly belong to you, who is not me, of alphabetizing to be derivative and bordering on plagiarism.
This has been a message from the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me.
The Post Script: I, the Furious Gaming Geek, have also noticed, via the electronic alchemy of the Internet that Game Rankings is itself an anagram of Manager’s King, which any fool can figure out as pointing to the notion, which is an undisputed fact that you are the king of the managers. What remains to be seen is whether you are the king of all manager’s everywhere or merely the king of a select group of manager’s like those who work at the Kentucky Fried Chickens in the greater CinCinNati area who would deny me extra popcorn chicken after THEIR box malfunctioned spilling the popcorn chicken of the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me!
In-fighting with the Furious Gaming Geek
The following message was sent to Danny Cox of Diehard GameFAN.
Date: Wed 02 Jul 2008 05:47:50 PM EDT
From: Geek furiousgaminggeek@********
Subject: Speed Racer
I would just like to tell you that I, the Furious Gaming Geek, find your review of Speed Racer on the Wii to be lacking, in the qualities and quantities of those things which I find myself looking for in a gaming review.
You are not furious like me, and could never hope, for yourself, to be the Furious Gaming Geek. The ways in which you are not the Furious Gaming Geek are myriad. For starters, it sounds like you are incapable of mastering this children’s game of Speed Racer for the Wii, as though you are found wanting in the skill set of children and those who are small. For seconds, you advocate the taking of Valium, something which I, the Furious Gaming Geek (who is me) would never do. Maybe you have not heard, but it is uncool for kids to take drugs and huff, and do those other things which provide an un-natural and un-holy ecstasy, such as ecstasy, which in and of itself is un-natural and un-holy.
This has been a message from the Furious Gaming Geek, who is Furious about Gaming, and, to a lesser extent, geeking.
The Furious Gaming Geek.
The Post Script: I am thinking about making a fighting game where women never really feint, and villains always blink their eyes. You would suck at the playing of that game too, you fucking baby.