Staff Bio: ML Kennedy

Name: ML Kennedy

Nicknames: Xylo, Wolfbaronxylo, Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy. . . Kennedy

Location: The South side of Chicago

Three Favorite Genres:
Bad Wrestling Games
2D platformers
Side-scrolling beat ’em ups

Three Favorite Games:
Shining Force (Genesis)
Fighters Megamix (Sega Saturn)
Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)

Favorite Console: Sega Saturn

Other Places His Writing Can Be Found:
Inside Pulse (Multiple subsites)
The in-boxes of many unfortunate people.

Bio: ML Kennedy is a victim of either relative time dilation or the dark magicks of one John Stamos. In 1988, Stamos was more than twice the age of ML Kennedy. Since that time, ML Kennedy has aged 35 years, whereas John Stamos has aged merely 10 years. Kennedy is now significantly older than Stamos, and this frustrates him to no end.

Moreover we must deal with the problem of an added 5 years. The combined aging of Kennedy and Stamos is 45 years, when it should only be 40. Kennedy claims to have donated those years to Mr. Dick Clark, and that a glitch in the transference caused Mr. Clark to “stroke out like that.”


1. Alex Lucard – What brought about your love for Xylo, the werewolf in Shining Force 1?
Kennedy – Well, first off, I’m Xylo, he’s Zylo.
But anyways, many factors have contributed to the Zylo love.
A. I rushed through my first runthrough of Shining Force (a “Max at level 4 promoted” sort of speed). As such, Zylo was way more powerful than everybody else. It’s really easy to keep his stats high because he’s got good movement.

B. My favorite movie when I was 12 years old was Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman. I love Lon Chaney, Jr.

C. When I started a Livejournal, I wanted to come up with a name that was 1) ridiculously geeky so as to mock the concept of a livejournal and 2) easily googlable. Thus Wolfbaronxylo.

Who wouldn’t want to be the king of the forest?

2. Lee – You have asked the rest of us some odd questions. Just wondering, are you insane?

Kennedy – I believe the Tick said it best when he said:
I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater. We are super-heroes, men, we don’t have time to be charming. The boots of evil were made for walkin’. We’re watching the big picture, friend. We know the score. We are a public service, not glamour boys, not captains of industry. Keep your vulgar moneys. We are a justice sandwich, no toppings necessary. Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do you dig?

3. Guy – What’s your favourite Jean-Claude Van Damme movie and why?

Kennedy – As my buddy DC says, there might not be any other actor in the world that can sweat in slow-motion as well as Jean-Claude Van Damme. That being said, I don’t believe I’ve ever sat through one of JCVD’s movies from start to finish. (I’m more of a Sonny Chiba fan.)

But, recently, one of the local UHF channels was showing that flick with him and Dennis Rodman saving a baby from a tiger in a coliseum whilst riding motorcycles, so I’ll say that one.

4. Mark B. – What would be the most entertaining movie that could be turned into a video game? Not really the BEST, just one that would be guaranteed to amuse you personally?

Kennedy – From Kill Bill to Big Trouble in Little China, there are a bunch of nifty action flicks that could make for good action games.

But to entertain me personally? Well, that’s tough. I used to think that an Evil Dead video game was a can’t miss proposition.

So, I’m going to go with Waking Life . . . as a rail shooter. Take that, you rotoscoped hipsters!

5. Misha – What’s with the Eskimo Spy stuff?

Kennedy – We have a wrestler theme on the DHGF message board, and Dean-o Machine-o is my favorite wrestler. Hence, my message board title of Dean Malenko – Eskimo Spy.

As for the Eskimo Spy bit, it was a running joke around the IWC during Dean Malenko’s WWF/E run. Just after all the R-four-dicals stuff, he was repackaged with some James Bond-esque music and started hitting on Lita. A few people took to calling him Dean Malenko Eskimo Spy. I think that he bought a pair of women off of the Godfather and was tagged Double-Ho Seven by the E.

I understand the spy part, and understand that “eskimo spy” is a pun on “eskimo pie”, but don’t understand what makes Dean Malenko an Eskimo.

There aren’t any Jewish Eskimoes, are there?

And dude, the preferred nomenclature is Inuit.

6. Michaelangelo – You’ve got a reputation for holding film’s feet to the fire when it comes to inaccuracies in science, namely things that defy the laws of physics. And yet you are a video game fan, a genre where physics went out the door with small-chested heroines. How do you reconcile the difference in stance?

Kennedy – Because Video games aren’t art, right?

Ow. Stop hitting me.

I’m kidding.

Geez. Here’s the Cliff’s notes version:

Movies that star humans and take place on Earth should be consistent with the way humans and the Earth work. (Movies in Space tend to get everything wrong, so let’s ignore them.) I know that were I to dive into a window, chances are, the window wouldn’t break. I know that if you just hold down the trigger of a MAC 10, the clip will be empty in under 2 seconds, not 15 minutes. I know that a Kevlar vest isn’t going to stop a high powered rifle.

Most movies don’t know these things, and this is frustrating.

Video Games tend to star non-humans or meta-humans in a different world. What matters in them is internal consistency. It might not resemble a real world situation, but Super Monkey Ball has logical and consistent physics.

Let’s look at a game which might profess to be set in “our world”. Tony Hawk games don’t abide by Newtonian mechanics, but they are internally consistent with what is and isn’t possible. Less people would play Tony Hawk were it to jibe with real world physics.

Bad science is still annoying in video games, but it can often be exploited for personal gain. (read as: plumbers can’t really jump that high.)

7. Charlie Marsh- You just beat Sonic the Hedgehog in a race, how do you taunt him?

Kennedy – For most people, the part of this question which stretches the imagination is racing an anthropomorphic member of the family Erinaceinae.

For me, it is most unrealistic that I could beat anyone, ever, in a foot race. Pregnant cripples run faster than me. I run the mile in 15:30.

But were I somehow able to best Sonic, I’d do a Raven pose, then ask Mr. the Hedgehog where I can buy a pair of those nifty red sneakers.

8. O’Reilly – What is the first thing you ever remember reviewing. Ever.

Kennedy – The first thing I remember reviewing is a TV-movie starring Chad Lowe as John Denver.

It stinks.

9. Matt Yaeger – If you could take a book and make it into a video game, which book and what video game genre?

Kennedy – For a proper book, I’d make a non-linear RPG based on Dilvish, the Damned. It’s an obscure Roger Zelazny novel with vampires, werewolves, magic, a demonic metal horse, and all sorts of nifty things. A sorceror named Jelerak threw Dilvish’s soul into hell for 200 years.

You’d have to escape hell, fight monsters, help the people being opressed by monsters defend your homeland from the armies of Colonel Lylish, negotiate with insect goddesses, track down Jelerak and get your revenge.

For a non-proper book, (i.e. Comic book) I’d want to make a Daredevil video game. This idea could make for a really awful game is done poorly, but here it is.

You make a Daredevil video game where you balance your time between being Daredevil and being Matt Murdock. You could completely ignore being a super hero and just try cases, or you could lose your job and friends and just stop muggings 24/7.

You could use Daredevil to investigate the crimes for which your client has been accused. You could dig up evidence or find the real culprit. Or you could spend half your time defending a purse snatcher in court and the other half stopping Bullseye from assassinating diplomats.

10. Bryan Berg- Imagine you’re an evil genius and you need one video game villain to do your bidding – mess with the heroes, hire underlings, obtain treasures, so on and so forth. Who do you choose and why?

Kennedy – I’d rather be Owen than Xanatos, but I’ll give this a whirl.

While it would be tempting to pick somebody like Dark Dragon or Ganondorf or Xel’lotath, one has to ask: Is this a good idea?

Most are too powerful too control, too ambitious to take orders or just unpleasant to be around.

I’d like to hang out with Bowser, but I wouldn’t hire him for a job.

So, I need somebody whom I can trust. Someone who can keep me organized, and scheduled. Some one who is competent and who doesn’t wait around in his/her lair to be stomped on.

The choice is clear: Nastasia, from Super Paper Mario.







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