The Epicurean IV

Originally posted in The Daily Pulse) 09.06.04

I actually made Hobo Chicken Chili (sorry no necks) and Pumpkin-Cream Cheese coffee cake muffins for a dinner party tonight. I considered posting those recipes, but felt that was a copout. Instead, as it’s Labour Day weekend and thus a time for relaxing, I decided to do an easy recipe for you all so you could continue in your three days of sloth.

Pineapple Coconut Milkshakes with Dark Rum

For those of you that know me for who I am outside of Inside Pulse, you know I have two arch enemies: The first being Scott Levy. The second being Bobby Flay aka Asshat. However, in a show of friendship in regards to his being a good sport when I terrorized him many months ago in front of a life audience, I figured I’d highlight one of his recipes from Mesa Grill, his NYC place to dine. It’s no muss, it’s no fuss, and you get drunk off it.

Just please, no Jimmy Buffet songs to this drink. Asshat makes the joke about this in his book Boy Gets Grill and it only serves to make me wish even more that he was dead. Really dead.

Hint: Keep all the ingredients extra cold until the very last minute when you add them.


12 ounces (1 and a half cups) vanilla Ice cream. (Use Breyers. It is the best there is)
2 cups canned cream of coconut
2 cups diced ripe pineapple (Fresh if you can and eat the rest. It’s the best time of year for good fresh pineapple)
2 cups WHOLE milk (Skim milk is for losers)
1 cup dark rum
Whipped Cream (This is optional and for topping)
One-fourth cup sweetened flaked coconut, lightly toasted.


Okay ready for a simple recipe? Take all the ingredients except the whipped cream and toasted coconut and shove them into a blender. Blend until smooth. It’ll make 4 large drinks. Add the toasted coconut and whipped cream and BAM! Super easy alcohol fueled milkshakes!

Of course, I don’t drink. Or eat Coconut. But then I don’t eat Pumpkin or Cream Cheese and look at the coffee cake muffins I made tonight for dinner party guests. That’s the joy of being a cook. You make stuff you know other people will love! It’s art people!

Right. It’s 2am. I’ve appeared in half the sections of the page this week and am writing three reviews for the games section, which is pretty more than any three of our non Minneapolis based writers combined. I’m off to go to sleep and see how many people I have scarred this in the past 48 hours with my ability to turn Super Mario Brothers into a Phallus naming experience from hell.