411MAX: News News Revolution 4.02.04

MAn, You are gay. From my understanding 411 pays you to write stuff about video games, which is cool with me…..but aren’t there any girls that you can be talking to instead of spending all of your time playing a fag-ass dancing game? Have you ever seen people on those dancing machines? They look like ‘Tards…and I can only assume from your picture, that you look like you can win a few events in the Special Olympics.

Keep up the good work on the video games!

(1) I’m not gay. Far from it. Claiming that I’m a homosexual for playing a game that’s different than what you are used to is plain ignorant. In fact, I’ve mentioned on more than one occasion that I’m engaged to the most BEAUTIFUL woman in the world.

(2) Payment? You gotta be kidding me. I’ve written for this site for MONTHS without receiving a DIME. I write because I enjoy games, and want to share my passion with the rest of the world. Period.

(3) Of course I don’t spend ALL my time playing DDR. If I DID spend all my time, I wouldn’t even be writing here now. And you wouldn’t be seeing ANY of these reviews here either. I’d be a 6-5, 90-pound shut-in with Gatorade being my only bodily intake, and awfully wet floors from the downpour of sweat.

(4) “Fag-ass”? As far as I know, DDR isn’t “fag-ass” or “gay”. The game’s programming is nowhere NEAR advanced enough for it to expand into conscious thoughts in order to develop a sexual orientation for itself. Besides, I’ve never seen it cozying itself next to the neighboring Capcom VS SNK machine making it feel uncomfortable.

(5) Have I seen them on those dancing machines? You know what? No, I haven’t! In fact, in the near 4 years I’ve been playing the game, I’ve NEVER seen another human being play the game! I just turn my head when it isn’t my turn! (ugh)

(6) I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again: EVERYONE looks ridiculous when playing the game. There’s no avoiding it. The key is whether you CARE or not. Are you are confident enough to leave your dignity on the back burner and just have FUN for a while stomping arrows in time to the music. Apparently not.

(7) Seeing my picture on this website speaks VOLUMES more than what you take it as. I have the BALLS to risk my likeness going out on the Internet for all to enjoy, ridicule, or ignore. So what do I care if one, random e-mail saying I look “retarded” You think I look like I have mental deficiencies? I don’t see YOU offering a picture of yourself for comparison.

(8) “Keep up the good work on the video games!”
Huh? I thought I was gay and retarded?

Behold, an e-mail with NO logic whatsoever. Just simple insults that require as little brainpower as possible.

E-mails like this make me laugh. Hard. You see, this “Toby” character has taken everything I mention in my columns on a weekly basis, and taken it solely on face value. He probably hasn’t played DDR himself, simply dismissing it as an activity for homosexuals and people who were born with mental or physical impairments. He even had to take a shot at my picture in order to feel even BETTER about himself. I’m sure that the fact the letter was shared among the 411Games staff was and openly ridiculed, much like all the other pointless flames we get.

Even long-time reader/avid DDRer Mike Capo had this to say:

“Well, Toby, why don’t you hop up on the machine, and see how much better the ‘retards’ are at the game than you. Wouldn’t that be sad? Getting your ass handed to you by a bunch of ‘retards’.”

How true it is. How true it is.

Oh, wait! Nearly forgot the introduction. (Ahem) Well, hello there. I’m AAAlex, and its FRIDAY! Which means I get to reduce a flamer to nothing, AND report the news! So, since I wasted the intro space, I’ll shoot straight into the stuff you came here for. (And I have very little time to do it in, so this is gonna be quick.) ON WITH THE NEWS!

TOP STORY: DDR Ultramix Song Pack #4 Released

Yesterday, KCEH released the fourth downloadable song pack for DDR Ultramix. This time around, we got three songs that have been in DDR before, and two brand new songs never seen before, bumping up the “Ultramix Exclusives” to 26. Here’s the list:

Matsuri Japan (Dance Dance Revolution 5th Mix)
Matsuri (J-Summer Mix (Dance Maniax 2nd Mix)
AM-3P (303 Bass Mix) (Dance Dance Revolution Konamix
Mobo Moga (Dance Dance Revolution Extreme JP)
What Is Love? (Beatmania 7th Mix)

It’s rather interesting we get two mixes of Matsuri Japan, especially one that’s never been in DDR before. The J-Summer Mix is remarkably similar, but has a bit more of a jazzy feel to it, allowing a smoother flow. Mobo Moga is the second Extreme song to make it onto Ultramix, and can sorta serve as a preview for the US version of DDR Extreme on the PS2. Regarding the AM-3P remix, I can hear some people groaning right now that a version of AM-3P has once again found its way onto a US Mix. HOWEVER, it is the remix that most people haven’t played outside of Konamix and the arcade Extreme. Finally, I’ve been expecting What Is Love since it was announced that it would be used at E3 2003. Now that we’re getting it, we in the DDR community have NO CLUE as to what will appear next.

Hey Cory, you might want to download this one. It’s only 5 bucks, and worth it for Matsuri Japan alone.

(Credit goes to DDRFreak.com)

I Want To Have Nintendo’s Baby

Right now, most people are looking at the title, and going “What the blood clot?!?!?” Well, only Bebito is saying that. The rest are going “What the hell?”

Anyway, the reason why I am giving Nintendo gigantic props is that they are going to release a sequel to Paper Mario on the GameCube.

This makes me so happy, words don’t even do this justice. First, it’s a new RPG with Mario characters. The past three Mario RPGs have supplied me with hours upon HOURS of entertainment, and QUALITY entertainment at that. (Click on the “reviews” portion of that super-self-pimp I gave myself during the flame bitch-out to see why.) Secondly, Paper Mario was easily my favorite N64 game, and until Mario & Luigi came along, it was my favorite non-Pokémon Nintendo RPG.

I’m expecting nothing but good things from this one. In fact, I’m sure they’ll have to clean up my drool off the floor once they reveal it at E3.

(Credit goes to 1UP.com)

Sega/Sammy Relationship Move To Third Base

Over in Japan, Sega and Sammy have announced an official joint publishing agreement. From here on in, Sega of Japan will publish all Sammy games on the PS2.

This will really blow my sister’s mind when she sees Sega’s name on Guilty Gear Isuka, which will come out over here in Fall ’04, but I digress.

The first Sammy title SOJ will publish is Jisshitsu Pachislot Hisshouhou! Hokuto No Ken, which is a Pachinko game based on Fist of the North Star. Chances of seeing THIS in the U.S. are somewhere between “slim” and “none”.

Looks like Sammy and Sega are getting along in this new parent/child relationship…wait a sec, if they are parent and child…and their relationship is going to “third base”…oh, never mind. I should’ve just changed the headline. Best not to think about it now.

And YOU stop thinking about it too! PERVERTS!

(Credit goes to Gamespot)

They’re Talkin’. Yes Indeed, They’re Talkin’…

Those of you looking forward to Everquest II (you know who you are), get ready to soil your underwear.

It has been announced that Non-playable characters (or NPCs) will all be receiving voices. Yes, voices for nearly ALL the NPCs. This will include over 130 hours of dialogue, and over 100,000 spoken phrases created from a pool of 1.5 MILLION words.

We even have a quote from SOE President John Smedley:

“Few publishers could even imagine undertaking such a huge project, but we’re committed to taking EverQuest II to the next level. By giving our in-game characters voices for the first time in a massively multiplayer online environment, we are raising the bar for the genre as a whole, breaking down the boundaries between static, text-driven interface and meaningful, cinematic interaction.”

Even I have to admit that this is one hell of an announcement. Lets just hope that these lines are delivered with more passion than a dead fish.

(Credit goes to GameDaily)

…Wow, I’m REALLY short on time this week. And I’m talking’ SHORT!


Plugs and points take a break this week simply because…well, I just don’t have the time. I’ve got a LOT of reading to catch up on, and a paper due about ten minutes after you read this very sentence. So, I’m VERY pressed for time this week. The good news is that double points will be awarded next week.

Sorry if this delay deflates any of the staff’s egos.


See what I meant when I was short on time? Wow…2 AM already…

Anyway, next week, I’ll have a longer column. And that’s a promise. No, really. Stop looking at me like that!

Until next week, stop calling inanimate objects “gay” or “retarded”. That just shows you don’t possess the intelligence to come up with better adjectives for things.

Alex Williams, The Norwegian Athlete