The Angry Gamer 03.25.04 – Sequel Madness And Irrelevant Tangents

Yeah, I’m still on my NES kick. Eat me. While digging through the various emails I received on my last bit about super-difficult NES titles, I also got to thinking about which games from that time period really needed sequels. True, many games did get sequels, but often a) it wasn’t enough, or b) the sequels sucked. So today, we’re going to examine some other titles that need modern sequels. In an age of graphical flash and substandard gameplay, we need to bring back some classics properly! Anyways, here’s some properties ripe for a rebirth:

Adventures of Lolo. Lolo is a blue sphere-thing with a face and limbs, and Lala is a pink sphere-thing with a face and limbs. Simplistic characters, yes, but the three puzzle games they had on the NES were works of art. Throw them in a massive 3D maze, and add some quirky new enemies into the mix. With the obscene amount of storage space on modern game media, you could throw hundreds of mazes in there, plus a “create-a-level” mode. Some might reject the game as “kiddie,” but that’s what stupid people said about Kirby, and he f*cking eats people.

Balloon Fight. Yet another oft-overlooked NES classic. Even the Game & Watch version of this game kicked ass! The concept was simple enough: boy flies around with balloons, dodging enemies and whatnot. Like many arcade games of the time, the simple gameplay was insanely addictive. Sure, it was very similar to Joust, but it had more of a point. There were levels to go through, etc. Anyways, a modern Balloon Fight would almost be a Pilotwings or NiGHTS into Dreams clone, but the constant pumping and inflating of one’s balloons would…wait a minute. That sounded perverted. Before this gets any worse, let’s just move on.

Bionic Commando. There were already a few pseudo-sequels to this, including Game Boy and Game Boy Color versions. But a 3D one could rock, especially with the advances in “Z-targeting” these days (named after Nintendo’s pioneering of the technique in the N64 Zelda titles). Keep the game as a run ‘n’ gun action game, but use the Z-targeting for swinging around via your bionic arm. And the for the love of God, do not add a jump button! That obliterates the core gameplay element!

Fester’s Quest. We all remember how tough as nails the original was. But still…it was a bald fat guy fighting off an alien invasion with a musket! That demands not only sequels, but a high-budget movie trilogy! Okay, maybe not the latter, even though it would have a more cohesive plot than the Star Wars prequels. Anyways, the first game was overly tough, but I’m sure you could ramp up the difficulty in a sequel while still adding a save function. Hell, a coin-based continue system like the one found in Maximo would be a perfect fit!

The Guardian Legend. Irem & Compile’s classic shooter/adventure game was a hell of a thrillride back in the day. You could blast apart enemy ships, or run around a series of Zelda-esque rooms hunting for powerups and fighting bosses. Think of the massive world that could be created for a sequel. Add some RPG elements…more ship upgrades…randomized dungeons…you can see where I’m going with this.

Ice Climber. Interest in the blue and pink Eskimos has been rekindled since their recent appearances in Super Smash Bros. Melee and Wario Ware, Inc: Mega Microgame$, plus the rerelease of their original game in e-Card format. But dammit, that’s not good enough. Those two need a new game, rife with action, romance, and beating the shit out of hapless arctic animals with giant hammers. Throw in a pile of multiplayer options and you’ve got yourself a winner.

Town & Country Surf Designs. “What the f*ck?!” That’s a common response I get whenever I bring up this gem of old. You surfed and skated, avoiding obstacles all the way, like frisbees, R/C cars, dogs, etc. Plus, you could use a gorilla. That’s right…a goddamn monkey. If that wasn’t cool enough, you had Tiki Man, a crazed skater who wore a tiki mask. Can’t go wrong with that! With the success of the Tony Hawk Pro Skater and Jet Grind Radio series, a new T&C Surf game would be a perfect blend of the two. Keep the cel-shading that JGR brought to the fore, keep Tony Hawk‘s scoring system and customizable options, throw in some intelligent level design, and you’d have one hell of a title.

Yo! Noid. … Just kidding.

That’s all…for now. I’m overtired and suffering from a brainfreeze.