Diehard Gamefan Flashback 12/26/2004: The Tribunal: Halo 2 (Microsoft Xbox), Nyogtha

THE TRIBUNAL: Halo 2 (XB)

The official review of Halo 2 scored an impressive 8.0. But how will this overhyped game fair in…THE TRIBUNAL?!?!?

THE SESSION HAS NOW BEEN CONVENED

*The crowd gathers into the fabled Inside Pulse Tribunal Stadium*

Attention! Attention! All will come to order!

*The crowd refuses to quiet down.*

Not even on Christmas Day, huh? You can’t stop fragging people over Live for THREE SECONDS?!? Look, either you SHUT UP, or all the copies of the game in question in this room will change into Lowrider games. Do we REALLY want that?

*The room immediately gets quiet. Almost instantaneously*

Wow…if that’s all it takes, 2005 will be VERY orderly for these events. Now, today we look at a game that was deemed the greatest of all time from nearly ALL of the XBox fan base…over a year before it was actually released. Then it WAS released, and it was treated as if the Messiah had parted the heavens, and handed us the perfect game. Halo 2 you may step forward.

*The game does so.*

Halo 2, you’ve been brought forward to prove yourself to us, and to the world. Now before we begin, I’d like to make a few personal comments on your specific situation. You have been hyped to the moon and back for months on end. You have been labeled as the best game in existence even when nobody had played you. The gaming media have covered you extensively since you were a gleam in Bungie’s eye. You have been given more attention to your development process than most games have been given attention COMBINED. You were a success the moment you were announced, and from the looks of things, you’ve proven that success in monetary gain for Microsoft.

This will not help you today.

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Nyogtha Volume I, Issue VI

Unlike most of my columns which take an entire week to write due to researching musty old tomes, going through notes and papers I wrote long ago, and getting distracted by IM conversations, this is one I’m writing on the fly. Actually I am writing it a few miles above the ground while I fly to Philadelphia, the cultural and gastronomical Mecca of America from Minneapolis St. Paul, a city that is cultural scrotum cancer and more Old Time Religion than you’d find at the Scopes Monkey Trial.

Don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly content with Minneapolis being my current residence. There are some lovely little restaurants, I’ve met some fabulous people, and after visiting the city of Perth in Australia for two weeks, I will never again complain about the size of Goth Subculture here in the twin cities. I was spoiled by back home. Instead I will leave that last bit up to my visiting friends from other areas.

But let’s talk travel. It’s an odd thing to be a non Christian traveling on Christmas weekend; quite possibly the worst weekend for air travel in the entire year. But only in Minneapolis can one truly experience the overwhelming hell that airline travel can be./p>
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