Inside Pulse 12

Cracked Out VideoGame Vids: I am Mega Man and YOU DIE!

(“Warning: The following has been rated M for mature language, disturbing images and general retardation and should not be viewed by anyone. Ever.”)

Greetings. I’m Bebito Jackson and welcome to yet another attempt at pandering to the short bus riding, white paste eating, whipit snorting, toad licking, internet fetish watching, lowest common denominators of society. That would have been the name of the column but it was too long so I call it Cracked Out VideoGame Vids.

It’s music video day today kids! Yaaay! Today’s target? Mega Man! Specifically the NES classic Mega Man 2. Ah, Mega Man. Wonderful, wonderful, Mega Man. The little guy’s loved the world over by hardcore gamers and has had some fantastic games. All of which I totally suck at. Am I alone in feeling that the entire franchise is one of the hardest in all of gaming history? Am I the only one that has literally pulled out their pubic hairs in frustration as they die again and again and again and again? Uuugh. It’s even more frustrating in knowing that most of the games are quality masterpieces and the only reason I’m not beating them is because of my own epic fail.

Ok, I admit. I hate Mega Man. Are you happy? I hate him. He can go suck on Dr. Light’s scrotum and lick Dr. Wily’s foreskin. I don’t know how anyone enjoys those games. Videogames are supposed to be an escape from reality, not further reminders of why you suck. Screw you Mega Man. SCREW YOU.

I’m… I’m sorry. I should never write without taking my bi-polar meds. Would it be too awkward to try and just forget I said anything? Copacetic? Great. Let’s watch the first music video. It’s comes from internet sensation videogame singer known simply as Brent and it’s pretty freaking awesome. Even though it stars that rat piss drinking of a suck wad, Mega Man.

Best line in that vid? “Cause Dr. Wily is an old, nasty,… son of a taint.” I’m gonna have that stuck in my head forever now. The whole song I mean, not… Dr. Wily’s taint.

Right. Moving along. Do y’all remember the first episode of this Cracked Out VideoGame Vids entitled “Don’t F**K With the Battletoads”? For those that missed it, we had a Battletoads rap video that ruled so hard people went into comas and soiled themselves from its sheer awesomeness. We have The Adventures of Duane and BrandO to thank for that. Well they’ve done it again with a rap video devoted to Mega Man. Now I watch an unhealthy amount of internet videos online, literally hours upon hours upon ridiculous hours. I do it all for you. Plus I’m insane. So please believe me when I say this may very well be the greatest videogame music video ever created. Please enjoy today’s feature presentation.

That was a long one but a goodie. Videogames + Rap = Win and Awesome. We’ll stop things here and I’ll see yall next week. Cheers!

Screw you Mega Man. SCREW YOU.

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