Outboxed Presents: The Various and Sundry Adventures of the Furious Gaming Geek

The Furious Gaming Geek vs. the Angry Video Game Nerd

Date: Tue 08 Jul 2008 10:36:37 AM EDT
From: furiousgaminggeek@*********
To: TheCineMassacre@********
Subject: You are angry, but I am Furious!

You are the Angry Video Game Nerd, but I am the Furious Gaming Geek, and to be Furious is to be 35 percent more enraged than merely being Angry. For instance, you enjoy the many adventures and misadventures of Super Mario in Super Mario Bros. 3, whilst I know that the game sucks for various and sundry reasons, the least of which is not the undisputed fact that raccoons are stupid and that they an never master the ability of flight and hovering, regardless of how much pee is inside of them.

But to move on to the myriad ways in which I, the Furious Gaming Geek, am superior to you, the Angry Video Game Nerd nee the Angry Nintendo Nerd, one must only move on to the next part of our respective sobriquets. That is, to say, that you are angry about Video Games, whereas I, the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me and not you, is furious with regards to all types of gaming. I often become incensed by such things as Monopoly Jr. and Crocodile Dentist, a game which teaches children to play Russian Roulette, and our American children should be protected from such red menaces as that particular game, which is, in fact, not a Video Game, at least to the best of my knowledge, the knowledge that belongs to me, the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me!

Finally, to prove my point in a QED fashion, which is quite fashionable, we find that Geeks are much more powerful than nerds. One need do very little to prove one’s status as a nerd, but to be a geek requires biting the heads off of fowl. Personally, I have decapitated several hundred chickens with only my teeth, my jaw muscles, and the occasional pang of hunger, that is, until the people for treating animals with ethnicity decided to rain on my parade, a parade which was unequivocally dry previously.

This has been a message from the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me.

The Furious Gaming Geek

The Post Script: I am positive that you are aware that when one scrambles the letters of the Angry Video Game Nerd, one can make the phrase: Add A Moving Greenery. I would like to know exactly what you mean by this phrase? I don’t think that you know, for you are inferior to me, the Furious Gaming Geek, in many of the ways heretofore mentioned in the above.

The Furious Gaming Geek, Dinosaur Hunter

The following e-mail was sent to Propaganda, developers of the latest Turok video game.

Date: Mon 28 Jul 2008 04:44:34 PM EDT
From: furiousgaminggeek@********
To: ****@propagandagames.com
Subject: Inquiry Regarding Turok

It is me who is The Furious Gaming Geek, with many questions about the game of Turok that was developed by you who are the Propaganda games.

My first, and the most important of the various questions with which I, the Furious Gaming Geek, will be questioning you, who is Propaganda or the representative thereof, is: Didn’t you know that Apatosaurus and T-Rex were not of the same era? To include them both in the same video game is abhorrent, and disgusting in a manner that makes my large intestine vibrate in a strange manner. The Furious Gaming Geek, who is me, would never be so fool-hardy as to include Sauropods and Tyrannosaurs in the same setting without various and sundry warning regarding there temporal spacing.

For shame!

The second question is: Why is this Turok not the time traveling Indian of days past? Is this guy a different guy who is not Turok Dinosaur Hunter? Are there multiple dinosaur hunting guys named Turok? Is it like Jeeves is a name for butlers? Of course, that is a trick question because the most famous Jeeves of Wooster and Jeeves fame is not a butler, but instead valet who, on occasion is known to butle.

There are more questions to be asked but this email, by the Furious Gaming Geek, would become too furious for the electronic mail known as the e-mail, and would single handedly destroy the internet in a Live Free or Diehardesque manner. That would not be good for me, who is the Furious Gaming Geek.

This has been a message from the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me.
Furious Gaming Geek

The Post Script: Do you know how The Furious Gaming Geek, who is I, can get those arrows that make dinosaurs vomit? Do they sell those at Zellers?

In-fighting with the Furious Gaming Geek

The following message was sent to Aaron Sirois of Diehard GameFAN.

Date: Wed 02 Jul 2008 08:22:12 PM EDT
From: furiousgaminggeek@********
To: raziellich@********
Subject: Review: Naruto Ultimate Ninja Heroes 2: The Phantom Fortress (PSP)

You must be suffering from Sirois-is of the liver, and suffering very painfully, if you believe it to be acceptable to place a vulgar expletive in the first line of your review of a children’s game. For shame sir, for you should have and hold that shame! To think that this review would be a positive and glowing evaluation of said game.

Such a thing is found to be unnecessary by the Furious Gaming Geek, which is me and who always will be me. It will never be you, for it appears that you suck at video games, even those made for tiny children or those made by tiny children. Think about that and fear those skills which allow he who is me to be the one and only Furious Gaming Geek, who is quite Furious, and who Games, and whom once bit the head off of a chicken.

You, sir, are obviously of weak bowels and could not accomplish a task such as chicken head biting, for you are not as monkey-strong as I, the Furious Gaming Geek.

This has been a message from the Furious Gaming Geek, who is me.

-Furious Gaming Geek

The Post Script- Were I Lance Storm, I would not want to be Sirois, even for a minute! I would want to be me, the Furious Gaming Geek who is nearly 35% better than he who is Lance Storm who would be me if I were him!

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