Outboxed: Season Finale. . .

Peace and Love through Chaos and Cruelty

Welcome to sixth and final installment of Outboxed, season 1. It’s been quite a journey. We are stronger now, and a little wiser. We have run out of tangerines, and the mop water has a peculiar odor.

Ah, memories.

**********

The following inquiry was sent to Namco, reference code: AIDY-OFI16-362

Yes, hello.
I was writing about the relationship between Pacman as Ms. Pacman.
Are they married?
If not, why do they share the same last name?
I’m fairly certain that if they are brother and sister that the romantic tension between the two is, at best, inappropriate.

At worst, downright scandalous!

I’m fairly certain that Pacman is a last name (or surname, if you please) like Goldman or Waterman or Kellerman. Were it a title, I would assume that it would instead be Ms.Pacwoman.

This, naturally, raises the question: What is the first name of Mr. Pacman?

I’d like to imagine that it were Bruce, or Kyle.

Perhaps James.

Maybe Pac is his first name, and Man is his last name. Like Michael Man.

Thank you ever so much for your time,

Mr. Wes Flowers.
(and his two friends Andrew and Johnson.)

Wes received no comment from Namco. No one has e-mailed him in quite a bit. He is dreadfully lonely.

**********

Keith Safari has had a busy month, e-mailing various companies about the 16-bit console game Spider-Man and X-men: Arcade’s revenge. Keith is under the distinct impression that said game was, in large part, created or endorsed by old Scratch himself. That is, to say, Lucifer, or the Devil, or perhaps Belial or Azazel.

Or maybe some other creature that hates joy and love and happiness.

He’s rigged his wheel chair up with holy water, and is now traveling the nation in search of the party (or parties) responsible for Arcade’s Revenge.

**********

Let’s end with dedicated pervert, Ed Tivan. Tired of being ignored, he’s gotten better with the spell check, and has decided to keep his sexual kinks on the back-burner.

Also, he wants to play as the Rhino. He wants to be the Rhino for altogether salacious reasons, but our Scott needn’t know of such licentious urges.


From: edtivan@yahoo.com [edtivan@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 1 2008 1:10AM
To: VivendiGames [tsvu@vgames.com]
Subject:

I want to play as the rhino.

The automated response was really long and came quickly, but was ultimately a pointless, unfulfilling exercise.

That’s what she said.


Date: Thu, 01 May 2008 01:10:10 +0530
From: “Technical Support Vivendi” Add Mobile Alert
To: “edtivan@yahoo.com”
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′

Dear Valued Vivendi Games Customer,

Thank you for allowing us to be of service to you.

This is an automated response to confirm that we have received your
message.

Our normal email response time is between 24 – 72 hours.

In the meantime, we offer other means of support that are immediately
available to you while we process your email.

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Technical Support Online FAQs

Useful answers to common questions or issues for games are updated
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http://www.sierra.com/en/home/support.html

======================================================

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Check our Vivendi Games Community Forums for general game questions,
game play assistance and/or other technical answers from users and
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Feel free to post your question(s) and/or issue(s) on the appropriate
forum at:

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FAQ Article ID# 1862: General Sound Troubleshooting
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FAQ Article ID # 1823: List of Xbox® games which were published by
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FAQ Article ID # 1746: PlayStation 2- General Troubleshooting steps
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Best regards,

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http://support.vugames.com

—–Original Message—–
From: edtivan@yahoo.com [edtivan@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 1 2008 1:10AM
To: VivendiGames [tsvu@vgames.com]
Subject:

I want to play as the rhino.

Disclaimer:
This e-mail may contain Privileged/Confidential information and is
intended only for the individual(s) named. Please notify the sender, if
you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete it from your
system.
Information in this message that do not relate to the official business
of the company shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it.
E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free.
The sender does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the
contents of this message which arise as a result of e-mail
transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy
version.

Holy shma-geggy! After reading this response, Ed Tivan was reminded of his last trip to CVS. He bought a tub of Vaseline, and the receipt they gave him was 2 meters long.

It would be okay had this e-mail afforded Ed some proper help for his Rhinoceros-ous woes.

Fret not; help was on the way!


Date: Fri, 02 May 2008 15:19:04 +0530
From: “Technical Support Vivendi” Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′ Hulk Multimedia Studio \ enquiry about the in game feature
To: “edtivan@yahoo.com”

Thank you for contacting Vivendi Games Technical Support.

My name is Scott. I would appreciate if you could reply back to us and clearly specify the issue that your facing with the game.Please mention the exact title of the game.

I eagerly look forward to your positive response.

Best regards,
Scott
Vivendi Games Technical Support

You can visit our website for the latest information at:
http://www.sierra.com/

You may also visit our online support site at:
http://support.sierra.com/

Please be sure to delete all previous correspondence when replying. This will help us to process your response in a more timely and efficient manner.

Disclaimer:
This e-mail may contain Privileged/Confidential information and is intended only for the individual(s) named. Please notify the sender, if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete it from your system. Information in this message that do not relate to the official business of the company shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free. The sender does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version.

Whoo hoo! A people-type person! Our friend Scott! Ed was always attracted to the name Scott; he has a thing for bagpipes.


Date: Fri, 2 May 2008 14:22:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Ed Tivan” Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′ Hulk Multimedia Studio \ enquiry about the in game feature
To: “Technical Support Vivendi”

Scott, I want to be the Rhino. He’s big and grey and runs really fast. Can you help me with this?

Finally, Ed was about to get the help he needed so desperately!


Date: Sat, 03 May 2008 04:32:29 +0530
From: “Technical Support Vivendi” Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′ Hulk Multimedia Studio \ enquiry about the in game feature
To: “Ed Tivan”

Thank you for contacting Vivendi Games Technical Support.

Please mention the exact title of the game so that we can help you resolve the issue.

Best regards,
Scott
Vivendi Games Technical Support

You can visit our website for the latest information at:
http://www.sierra.com/

You may also visit our online support site at:
http://support.sierra.com/

Please be sure to delete all previous correspondence when replying. This will help us to process your response in a more timely and efficient manner.

Disclaimer:
This e-mail may contain Privileged/Confidential information and is intended only for the individual(s) named. Please notify the sender, if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete it from your system. Information in this message that do not relate to the official business of the company shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free. The sender does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version.

There was a certain assertiveness in Scott’s tone that Ed found compelling, to say th least.


Date: Sat, 3 May 2008 05:15:54 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Ed Tivan” Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′ Hulk Multimedia Studio \ enquiry about the in game feature
To: “Technical Support Vivendi”

The Cookie Mama!

All the cards were on the table now. C’mon Scott!


Date: Sat, 03 May 2008 21:10:08 +0530
From: “Technical Support Vivendi” Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′ Hulk Multimedia Studio \ enquiry about the in game feature
To: “Ed Tivan”

Thank you for contacting Vivendi Games Technical Support.

My name is Scott. I understand that you are not able to play as Rhino in the game Cookie Mama. At this point of time we here at Vivendi games technical support do not support the game The Cookie Mama.

Best regards,
Scott
Vivendi Games Technical Support

You can visit our website for the latest information at:
http://www.sierra.com/

You may also visit our online support site at:
http://support.sierra.com/

Please be sure to delete all previous correspondence when replying. This will help us to process your response in a more timely and efficient manner.

Disclaimer:
This e-mail may contain Privileged/Confidential information and is intended only for the individual(s) named. Please notify the sender, if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete it from your system. Information in this message that do not relate to the official business of the company shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free. The sender does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version.

Well, he was firm and honest, but I can’t help but feeling like we are back to square one. . .


Date: Sat, 3 May 2008 17:37:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Ed Tivan” Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′ Hulk Multimedia Studio \ enquiry about the in game feature
To: “Technical Support Vivendi”

Well, where can I play as the Rhino?

C’mon, Scott! Help an ofay out!


Date: Tue, 06 May 2008 02:40:11 +0530
From: “Technical Support Vivendi” Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE:’Case=216-617′ Hulk Multimedia Studio \ enquiry about the in game feature
To: “Ed Tivan”

Thank you for contacting Vivendi Games Technical Support.

Thanks for replying back. We won’t be able to help you with this game as the we do not have any information regarding the game. Please check on the internet for more help on this issue.

Best regards,
Scott
Vivendi Games Technical Support

You can visit our website for the latest information at:
http://www.sierra.com/

You may also visit our online support site at:
http://support.sierra.com/

Please be sure to delete all previous correspondence when replying. This will help us to process your response in a more timely and efficient manner.

Disclaimer:
This e-mail may contain Privileged/Confidential information and is intended only for the individual(s) named. Please notify the sender, if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete it from your system. Information in this message that do not relate to the official business of the company shall be understood as neither given nor endorsed by it. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free. The sender does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version.

Well, shit.

***********

Watch for Outboxed season 2, coming soon to a Diehard GameFAN near you!

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