BEST OF THE BEST: Part 6 (10/25)

Our own Mark B. has the reputation for playing the worst games possible, but as we look at today’s awards, we see it is poor Mr. Lucard who really seems to play the worst games each year for your amusement. Today we look at each year’s winner of the Most Overhyped Award, as well as the Worst Game of the Year winners. Dear Lord, is this going to be a bit of retrospectus I really wish I wasn’t embarking on. Oh the horrible memories.

16. Most Overhyped Game
Award Winner in 2004: Fable
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Developer: Big Blue Box
Release Date: 09/14/2004
System Released On: Microsoft Xbox
Genre: Action RPG

Award Winner in 2005: Jade Empire
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Developer: Bioware
Release Date: 04/12/2005
System Released On: Microsoft Xbox
Genre: Action RPG

Award Winner in 2006: Kingdom Hearts
Publisher: Square-Enix
Developer:Suqare-Enix
Release Date: 03/28/2006
System Released On: Sony Playstation 2
Genre: Action RPG

Hmm. Three years, three action RPG’s. Funny that. What’s funnier is I can still remember the mounds of hate mail we got for my review of Fable. Then a month later a certain Frenchman behind the game worte that apology for making a crappy game. Bebito, Pankonin, Lee, and myself were bombarded with angry Fable fanboys who were all emo because we pointed out the game was merely mediocre and that the same thing had been done before but with better gameplay, graphics an plot. Really, the only thing that made people like Fable was that you could have sex in it.

Jade Empire was a different story. I gave the game a 7 and pointed out that the hype built it up and in six months, no one would give a crap about the game as everyone would see it for a good but ultimately easy and flawed game that offered no lasting value. The next day Bioware called myself, Bebito, Pankonin, and Widro screaming about the “low score” we gave the game. They were angry that we weren’t lying to the customers and giving the game an amazing “BUY IT NOW YOU MINDLESS SHEEP” review. So in the interest of placating them, we did indeed review the game a second time. We handed the duties to Chuck Platt who we knew was the biggest fanboy for the game on staff and ended up massively disappointed by the letdown it turned out to be. We waited for Bioware to respond to their new review, in which the game got a five, but they never called back. Man, you give someone what they want, and they’re still not satisfied.

As for Kingdom Hearts, it was another decent game, but we all got sick of the hype machine, and the drolling immature fan boys and girls writing slash fan fiction about the game and the cries of “DISNEY + FINAL FANTASY = I still sleep with a teddy bear at night!”

Interestingly enough, my review of Fable in 2004 is what most people say about the game in 2007. The moral here is of course, listen to Alex because he’s an actual CRITIC, not an emotional yutzs, when it comes to reviewing. This also tends to be the case for my review of Jade Empire. Alas, we don’t have a review of KH2 that I can find. I could swear Lee or Tom reviewed it though. Instead I give you two bonuses: My old RETROGRADING MAILBAG full of feedback on my reviews of Fable and WMXXI (You’ll see that game in a bit!) and Bebito Jackson’s interview with the Bioware dev team on Jade Empire before I did my review. Hee hee hee.

17. Worst Game of the Year
Award Winner in 2004: Fight Club
Publisher: VU Games
Developer: Genuine Games
Release Date: 11/16/2004
System Released On: Microsoft Xbox/Sony Playstation 2
Genre: 3-D Fighter

Award Winner in 2005: Wrestlemania XXI
Publisher: THQ
Developer: Studio Gigante
Release Date: 04/20/2005
System Released On: Microsoft Xbox
Genre: Wrestling

Award Winner in 2006: Bubble Bobble Revolution
Publisher: Taito
Developer: Codemasters
Release Date: 10/03/2006
System Released On: Nintendo DS

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is the cream of the crap. Please note that out of these three games, none scored higher than a 2.5. Yes, you read that right. A two-dot-five. Ouch. Two bits of irony here. The first is that Not a True Ending is a Bubble Bobble reference, and yet we gave BBR our worst game of the year. The other bit of irony is that the last game I gave a 9.0 to was over three years ago and it was Bubble Bobble Old and New for the GBA.

Our WMXXI review also got a lot of attention for the hilarity that was to be known as “The Macho Man” diaries, in which I went through the first part of career mode as Randy Savage and wrote a diary in his voice and thoughts on the game. Most people thought it was crazy funny.

Here are my reviews of WM XXI and Bubble Bobble Revolution. The review of Fight Club, by D.E. Olivera, can be found here.

If you would like to read the Macho Man’s thoughts on his adventures through WMXXI, here you go! People wanted me to keep going, but I couldn’t relieve the horror of WM XXI any more.

Thank god we got this dreck over with right away. Tomorrow we’ll look at something a little more positive.