The Angry Gamer – The Filthy, Disgusting World of Fanfics

I’ll try to keep this rant short and sweet, otherwise I’m likely to give myself a coronary.

I’ll come right out and say it: I can’t stand fanfics. I’m sure there’s possibly a few well-crafted tales out there, but by and large, they’re poorly written fanservices that sap your brain-meats of nutrients. What really gets my goat is when sick-minded individuals take said characters and thrust them into situations that the creators never intended.

I’m sure I’ll get all sorts of hate mail for this, but sitting at the top of the trash heap is that vile “slash” fanfic. I have nothing against gays, so grow up. But turning same-sex video game characters into love slaves for each other? Disgusting, and appalling that one would insult the creators in such a manner. As much as casual RPG fangirls want Cloud and Sephiroth to be gay lovers, guess what…nowhere in FFVII did that happen. So leave it alone, for Pete’s sake. And yes, the same applies for female video game characters as well. Tifa and Yuffie weren’t licking each other, so the casual RPG fanboys are just as guilty. Either way…these are video game characters. As in, not real. And people are writing about their sex lives?! I think they should worry about their own lives; as in, they need to get one.

Oh, there’s more. Sometimes, fanfic writers get really perverse. Let’s take two of my favorite series, for example: Mega Man and PokÃÆ’©mon. In the former, there’s been stuff written about Mega Man X and Zero being gay lovers. Not only is this ridiculous, it’s actually impossible: those two are robots, and sex is a biological function. Do the math. PokÃÆ’©mon‘s even worse, as there’s been instances of…shall we say…cross-species love between trainers and their animal charges. That’s really f*cked up. This brings us into the “furrie” realm, and if you really want to see someone go off their rocker about those freaks…ask Lucard what he thinks of them.

On a final note, I suppose I should bring up the Harry Potter slash fanfics, even though they’re not really related to gaming. These actually eclipse all of the others, for a very simple reason: they’re CHILD PORN. Last I checked, Harry and friends were all underage. I wouldn’t even research those fanfics, it angered me so. If you know anyone who’s a fan of that stuff, beat them down with a stick. Over and over again. There’s absolutely no defense of such a sick and illegal act.

Don’t try to tell me that these fanfics are good writing or any of that rubbish. It’s sick, twisted, insulting, and unnecessary. Be a good citizen:

FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS WRITE OR READ FANFICS.

Just get them the psychiatric care that they need. This concludes our public service announcement.