Inside Pulse 12

THE TRIBUNAL: Doom 3 (PC)

Welcome, one and all, to the official debut of The Tribunal! What is The Tribunal? Well, allow me to explain…

Here on Inside Pulse, we do our duty to review the latest and greatest games, as well as give honest opinions and commentary on them. Using our ten category system, and the 1-10 scale as our guidelines, we deliver what we feel are the best reviews in town.

But still, some releases are bigger than others. And perhaps just one opinion isn’t enough to allow you, the reader, to see how Inside Pulse feels about these releases as a whole. In these instances, a Tribunal is gathered.

A Tribunal is a panel of three judges who’ve all spent time with the game in question, and all have an opinion. In each Tribunal session, the three will offer small reviews of each game, and along with that, their final score based on the ten-category system. The scores will then be averaged together to form the “Judgment”. The Judgment will offer a better representation of what Inside Pulse thinks for that game.

Now, not all games will be considered for the Tribunal. So if you don’t see a Tribunal session for your favorite new game, it is not because we don’t like it.

Now, we inaugurate this brand new feature with the highly controversial PC title: Doom 3. It managed to garner a 6.0 when Alex Lucard reviewed it alone. But it could end up being a COMPLETELY different story once two OTHER judges join him in the first ever session of…THE TRIBUNAL!

THE SESSION HAS NOW BEEN CONVEINED

All attendees come to order. Thank you. Now, Doom 3, step forward. You have been summoned by the Tribunal to prove yourself. Are you a game worth owning? A game not worth the disc you are coded on? Or somewhere in the middle? Your fate lies with the following judges: Alex Lucard, Lee Baxley, and Eric S.

LET THE JUDGEMENT COMMENCE

JUDGE #1: Alex Lucard

Doom 3 reminds me a lot of the type of women I tend to date. Insanely hot. So beautiful you’re amazed it’s real. People that see them for the first time wish they had something even a fraction as beautiful. But woe to thee, for underneath the attractive frame lies madness. Crazy gibbering Lovecraftian madness which makes you wonder how something so pretty can be so up-f*cked where it truly counts. After you really truly get to know it, you realize they may still be nice to look at, but the inner works are nowhere near anything you want to associate with on a permanent basis. Bottom Line: Treat Doom 3 like you would one of these women. You f*ck it hard and fast and then you dump it immediately afterwards as the fun will run out very, very quickly. But at least then you have the photos or movies to prove that hottie was yours in order to make everyone else jealous. It’s good for a one time use, and then off to the rubbish bin.

THE SCORE: 6.0/10

JUDGE #2: Lee Baxley

Doom 3 as a whole is not awful. It’s just not good. It does not deserve all the praise that it is given. If I were to review the capabilities of the engine, I likely would have rated the game higher. But this is the GAME. But it’s what we’ve come to expect from id. Will this game get companies to license the engine? Probably. The engine is good. And for what it’s worth, this is one of the best GAMES id has made. None of their other games have had an even remotely satisfying singleplayer experience, and to make the multiplayer interesting, you’d have to install mods. So I can say that single player is somewhat satisfying, and it is worth it to get this game because someone will make a good mod for it that will make it all worth it. But the game itself is not.

THE SCORE: 4.5/10

JUDGE #3: Eric S.

Another fantastic Carmack tech demo, but a weak excuse for a game. At least Quake 3 had its multiplayer to fall back on. The vaunted “single-player experience” isn’t enough to satisfy, not in an age where storyline has been emphasized as a key part of an FPS. It’s why Unreal 2 was considered a failure. But, this game is critic-proof and it’ll sell, and the engine will go on to revolutionize FPSes. It’s just that, as a game, it isn’t worth your money.

THE SCORE: 3.5/10

The Tribunal has spoken! And now, to the final judgment…

SCORE #1: 6.0
SCORE #2: 4.5
SCORE #3: 3.5

FINAL JUDGEMENT: 4.7

The Tribunal for Doom 3 has declared this game to be slightly below average. While it is indeed a graphical masterpiece, the gameplay leaves much to be desired. We now excuse Doom 3 from this meeting, and allow it to live with the notion that it is mediocre.

THIS SESSION HAS NOW BEEN ADJOURNED

We now dismiss all the attendees to this gathering. But we shall require your presence again, once The Tribunal deems another to prove itself…