A Thumb To The Eye Number: The Otakukin Files 2

Like I said before, this was a project I undertook with bad intentions and a gut full of beer. It was fun, cruel, and not something I would ever do again. Still, an interesting read.

KMFDM is in my ear and dirty socks are on my feet, it must be time for another Thumb to the Eye. I have to apologize pretty profusely for my leave of absensce. I seriously didn’t intend to leave for so long, but the things on my mind mounted and I had to pick between the column and my sanity. Sanity won, this time. So, what have I been up to? Well, I picked up Sakura Wars for the Dreamcast to initiate myself into the shadowy world of Red Company worship like some other unmentioned coworkers of mine. I found a prize at a local flea market in the form of a $35 Teisco, pre-1965, with flowered pickguard, one pickup, and the absolute finest neck I’ve ever wrapped my hand around. Anyone know how to play surf? This boy needs some lessons… Last Sunday, which is technically yesterday, since I’m writing this just after midnight Monday morning, my fellow worker Rod and I hit the Planet Comicon. Maybe it was lack of sleep or the less than stellar guest list, but I was in a less anxious mood than last year. I couldn’t even muster the strength to loot the 50 cent boxes. In the end, I grabbed a full set of Fallen Angels, Common Grounds 1 and 2, Cerebus book 1, a kick ass Invisible Girl sketch, some Steranko covered Nick Fury issues, and Battle Royale I and II. Fallen Angels was a must, seeing as New Mutants is my second favoriute series ever, after Fantastic Four. Common Grounds looked interesting and is, a series of stories about the superhero coffeehouse of choice. Cerebus is kind of a mission of mine. I feel like, if Dave Sim can sacrifice his life to make it, I can read it. I’ve held back on Battle Royale a few times, but I got a good deal and had to grab it. Regrets? Not picking up the very awesome Gamera model I found and not picking a fist fight with Lorenzo Lamas. Oh, come on! Going to the emergency room because Renegade beat my ass would be the best story ever! There’s always next year… Maybe the Dukes of Hazzard will be there, or their cousins from the scab season. Getting beat down by all four Duke boys would make my life worthwhile. There should so be a book about fighting celebrities…

OTAKUKIN FALLOUT!

Let me do this really quick:
Disclaimer: If you find what I have to say incorrect, offensive, or hurtful, let me know in a an intelligent and meaningful way. Do not pursue any sort of idiotic rhetoric I cannot respond to, sending me viruses, or making message rooms about how horrible I am and how my parents should have had me aborted. Of course, seeing as how only an immature pinhead would leap to stupid reprisals, this disclaimer is probably pointless. Well, at least it pads the old word count… wait, I’m not paid by word count. Hell, I’m not even getting paid. Why the Hell am I writing this? Get back to the fucking column…

Okay, here it is, in plain English: I AM NOT AN OTAKUKIN. There, I said it. There should be no further trouble understanding this. I do not, have not, and probably will not ever believe in the tenets of the otakukin. I don’t even believe in CNN, and I have the fucking channel. Before you either guffaw at the otakukin and what they believe or write me off as a crank, let me lay out the exposition of this whole thing. Who knows, you might learn something? (Damn, I can hardly listen to the pre-Raymond Watts KMFDM anymore. PIG is the man.)

The whole otakukin experiment, as detailled here, started when I was, as usual, in the throes of depression and chatting with Alex Lucard. (Sidebar: The whole Kliq and much of my readership must think I am an alcoholic and a depressive. Apparently smirks and snide comments don’t “read” on the Internet.) In the midst of our conversation… Awww, what the Hell? Here’s an entire, unedited Lucard/ Platt AIM chat… You’ve been warned…

AThumbToTheEye: Hey, sexyboy!
Darquefyr: Hey Chuck!
AThumbToTheEye: Exclamation!
Darquefyr: Did you see my mockery of the latest LJ fad?
AThumbToTheEye: Not yet…
Darquefyr: It’s pikachizing the Gay Marriage debate
AThumbToTheEye: It’d be funnier if I was familiar with the trend. I only read the other Kliq journals, so I haven’t seen the gay marriage thing yet
Darquefyr: Ah.
AThumbToTheEye: So, what do you think of Crystal Chronicles? I have a strange feeling about it…
Darquefyr: It
Darquefyr: It’s the most original FF game since the series began. Revitalized it. On the other hand for the cost of what it is to play a four player game, I could get 2 old N*G carts for it
Darquefyr: I feel FF:CC is boring as shit one person but decent fun multiplayer
AThumbToTheEye: My only thing is, they try to make it feel very cozy and like it’s an individual experience, but the nature of the character system means everyone will end up with the same character.
Darquefyr: It’s also harder multiplayer due to the interface, but this is a totally new and original concept and I think if they make a sequel a lot of the crap will be better the second time around.
Darquefyr: And the character system doesn’t sllow for a same character. you have different races and different power ups
AThumbToTheEye: I’m just spoilled by the customization from Baldur’s Gate. I’ll probably dig it more multiplayer.
Darquefyr: I think Dark Alliance is our RPG of the year man
Darquefyr: I got Williams to buy DA1 for 10$ at EBgames presidents day sale yesterday
AThumbToTheEye: I think so
Darquefyr: It’s in my top twenty RPG’s of all time.
AThumbToTheEye: My buddy Ryan is hooked on the 1st one, too
Darquefyr: I just can’t stop loving it
AThumbToTheEye: I’m going to have to try out the Cleric
Darquefyr: Which ones have you tried?
AThumbToTheEye: Borador and the monk. I didn’t like the monk
Darquefyr: What about the monk did you not like?
Darquefyr: I still think the NEcromancer is the best, but Artemis and Drizzt rule as well
AThumbToTheEye: HAnd to hand was hard to line up.
Darquefyr: Oh I love it. With the Necromancer and a maxed out Vampiric touch and a lot of points into strength and amulets of strength and dex you do about 110 points of damage per hit, 50% of which goes back into your hit points. I was punching the dragon face on and never lost any life
AThumbToTheEye: Nice
AThumbToTheEye: I think I changed my opinion on the Movies. It looks pretty good.
Darquefyr: I just want to make a movie starring th comedy duo of Vincent Price and Paulie Shore
AThumbToTheEye: I’m all about action horror scifi movies that turrn into porno and porno that turns into action horror romantic comedies
Darquefyr: Lol. That would rock
AThumbToTheEye: ‘Oh yeah give it to me Rock Strongo! Yeah that’s good… Now eat tentacle you bitch!!!!’
*shooting
Darquefyr: Oh god. You ARE going to love that game
AThumbToTheEye: I’ve already got some plots in mind!
AThumbToTheEye: It could go so wrong…
AThumbToTheEye: So, umm, did you read the column?
Darquefyr: Yep
AThumbToTheEye: And…. (I don’t know, but this one felt weird…)
Darquefyr: ?
Darquefyr: It was okay man. You doubt your stuff too much
AThumbToTheEye: I have no ego
Darquefyr: You need one
AThumbToTheEye: Probably.
Darquefyr: sigh
AThumbToTheEye: Sigh?
Darquefyr: you think too much
AThumbToTheEye: Pretty much
AThumbToTheEye: I just don’t know if anyone’s even reading my stuff
Darquefyr: No letters?
AThumbToTheEye: None
AThumbToTheEye: I haven’t gotten one since Christmas week
Darquefyr: That’s 411 for you
AThumbToTheEye: The stuff I’ve done that I’ve been most proud of gets ZERO response
AThumbToTheEye: It just frustrates me. I can’t even check my hits.
Darquefyr: do you ask for letters?
AThumbToTheEye: No… but I respond to all the ones I get
Darquefyr: So ask
AThumbToTheEye: Hmmm
AThumbToTheEye: Personally, I think my Soul Calibur thing in the Dreamcast feature was my best writing to date
Darquefyr: Whenever I get down, I find livejournal to be an instant pick me up
Darquefyr: http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=satanimegirls
Darquefyr: for example is hilariously stupid
AThumbToTheEye: I am frightened
Darquefyr: lol
Darquefyr: did you ever see otakukin?
AThumbToTheEye: I have such a great idea for a comic
AThumbToTheEye: otakukin?
Darquefyr: You know what otherkin is right?
AThumbToTheEye: Yeah
AThumbToTheEye: light bulb
AThumbToTheEye: That’s just scary….
Darquefyr: http://www.sixsixfive.com/658.html
Darquefyr: read this
Darquefyr: THEN go to the livejournal http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=otakukin
AThumbToTheEye: Oh
AThumbToTheEye: Dear
AThumbToTheEye: God
AThumbToTheEye: I
AThumbToTheEye: Hurt
AThumbToTheEye: Trying to concieve of how this could be…
AThumbToTheEye: This may be the saddest thing ever…
Darquefyr: This is your next article then?
AThumbToTheEye: Can I be so cruel?
AThumbToTheEye: As to imagine a world in which I recount my former life as Torneko from the Dragon Warrior series…
Darquefyr: Please doi
AThumbToTheEye: Or my career as El Tigre…
AThumbToTheEye: But can I do this with a straight face? I should so totally drop this out there like I believe it…
AThumbToTheEye: You must warn NO ONE of this!
AThumbToTheEye: I’m going to come out of the otakukin closet…
Darquefyr: My lips are sealed
AThumbToTheEye: Should I start a trail of posts now, so I can go back and link to them? I could do the column in two weeks so I can build up a backlog…
Darquefyr: LOL. Great…great
AThumbToTheEye: Is this too sick? I have to do it absolutely deadpan.
AThumbToTheEye: I just realized something… my icon is PERFECT for this…
AThumbToTheEye: I’m a transgender otakukin!
AThumbToTheEye: I’ve been using Etna for months and my background is the same artist!
Darquefyr: LOL
Darquefyr: God help us all
AThumbToTheEye: This may be my sickest thing ever.
AThumbToTheEye: Monday’s column will have me mentioning a “big” announcement for the following week.
Darquefyr: Oh CHuck. It’s when you’re at your zaniest that I love you most
AThumbToTheEye: I’m writing my first post. I’ll let you preview it to check for cheese…
Darquefyr: fack it super SUPER fucked up
AThumbToTheEye: I’m trying to channel my D&D kid who uses big words he doesn’t understand persona. It’s kinda fun.
Darquefyr: read the posts man. they are so…wow
AThumbToTheEye: Here’s the beginning:
AThumbToTheEye: For the larger part of my life, I have found myself unable to properly assert my own personality, eternally prostrating myself to others; the perfect “bottom.” My only release from the domination of other people’s personas have been video gaming and sarcasm. I played and loved Role-playing games, video and otherwise, and constantly found myself lost in these characters I could be. Twenty-four long years of my life went by before I experienced my first revelation: I had a deep and abiding connection to a VERY specific character. Her name was Ulala. No, not the Ulala of Space Channel 5 fame, but the much more subtly sensual Ulala of, ironically enough, Persona 2: Innocent Sin.
Darquefyr: oh my god
AThumbToTheEye: It gets stranger…
Darquefyr: Oh and Uluala is in eternal Punisment, not Innocent Sin as a main character
AThumbToTheEye: That’s why you are my proofreader.
AThumbToTheEye: It bothered me how much I had in common with this supposedly fictional character, how much she reflected my own feelings, thoughts, and dreams. We both even box! I had to dig deeper. I played the other Persona games and found that they were full of similar characters, many of whom felt “familiar,” as if I knew them, just as the plots felt “comfortable,” as if I had already been through thier paces. I was home.
Darquefyr: Just as long as I am nowhere in the convo
AThumbToTheEye: You are safe.
Darquefyr: LOL. Make Pankonin or Berg into someone.
Darquefyr: Pankonin is Lara Croft!
AThumbToTheEye: I have to work up to that. First, I have to become part of the community.
Darquefyr: or one of the guys from super dodge ball. Or the announcer from the old NES Pro Wrestling or Bayou Billy
AThumbToTheEye: Berg is Bayou Billy!
Darquefyr: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Darquefyr: Can Bebito be veronica lodge>\
AThumbToTheEye:
Just as I came to terms with these pretty shocking changes to my life, I purchased Disgaea: Hour of Darkness. Within seconds of playing it, my head began to throb, dully, at the temples. At first I thought it was an occular headache, but it was much deeper. The more I played, the more I knew that this character, this immacculate character, with her spunky charm, leather clothes, and lost memory, this Etna, was more than familiar. She was ME! Like a piece of my soul acting out my own painful struggles on the screen, she was a part of me. And that is where I am at now, lost and confused, trying to find an answer to the longing inside me. I never dreamed there were so many others.
AThumbToTheEye: LOL
Darquefyr: They will love you all of your personalities
Darquefyr: Towards the end you need one really fucked up one’
AThumbToTheEye: I hope so! Here goes nothing.
Darquefyr: Like a Dreadnok
AThumbToTheEye: My last one will be a puyo
Darquefyr: I mean REALLY fucked up man
AThumbToTheEye: Although a Dreadnok is good
Darquefyr: Like Jem from Jem and the holograms
Darquefyr: or One of the duke boys
AThumbToTheEye: Rubik’s Cube!
Darquefyr: The dog on punky brewster
AThumbToTheEye: Al Snow!
Darquefyr: My god. Coming upw ith otakukin personalities would be a game in and of itself
AThumbToTheEye: The Gun from Sledgehammer!
Darquefyr: The bomb from Dr. Strangelove
AThumbToTheEye: Slim Pickens!
Darquefyr: You are George CLinton. But the George Clinton in the Movie PCU who is PLAYED by george Clinton
Darquefyr: Deep throat!
AThumbToTheEye: I’m in the queue
AThumbToTheEye: Lemmy from Motorhead!
AThumbToTheEye: Lemmy’s mole, even!
Darquefyr: Lemmy’s mother!
AThumbToTheEye: Rick Hunter’s High School Crush!
Darquefyr: HA!
AThumbToTheEye: Wendy the Witch
Darquefyr: a guy from the world of bubblegum crisis who had a cleft palate and really liked eating oreoes
Darquefyr: Mushmouth of the Cosby Kids!
AThumbToTheEye: Dude, these girls would be the easiest lays EVER!
Darquefyr: Except they are most likely fat and ugly
Darquefyr: Dude. You so need to put this transcript in your column after the parody one
AThumbToTheEye: YES! I will have to save it!
AThumbToTheEye: I am so going to be murdered by a fat ugly girl!
Darquefyr: What you need to do is point out you could talk to me, as I am the physical model of Vampire Hunter D in this world, but as you were Doris in a past life it hurts too much to reveal your past lives to one who looks so much like your one true love…that life anyway
AThumbToTheEye: roflmao
AThumbToTheEye: I’m changing my name to Rolf Mao!
Darquefyr: Heh
Darquefyr: God this is too easy man. Just too easy
AThumbToTheEye: This is some disturbing stuff:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/selenesb/
Darquefyr: night man. I need sleep
AThumbToTheEye: Okay
AThumbToTheEye: I am so stoked about this
Darquefyr: remember to sasve the chat for ideas
Darquefyr signed off at 12:28:19 AM.

And, with that little conversation, my course was set. My post, which no longer exists for reasons I’ll disclose later, got a long list of responses, which also got vaporized. The next day, the following conversation occurred…

Teh Yunie: Hi There Im yunie_braska
Teh Yunie: ^_^ Im almost always on AIM Lol
AThumbToTheEye: So am I
Teh Yunie: ^__^
AThumbToTheEye: So what’s going on tonight?
Teh Yunie: Nothin much
Teh Yunie: Having a conniption fit with my LJ user info XD
Teh Yunie: Tables SUCK
Teh Yunie: yeah I believe in all the stuff you do
Teh Yunie: ^_^ Samantha Daryl pearl was her name
Teh Yunie: Daryl from FFVI lol
AThumbToTheEye: I loved that storyline
Teh Yunie: :nod: Me too
Teh Yunie: You had a deep connection with Setzer Gabbiani….
Teh Yunie: Well I’ve tried to find someone or some people who have the same beleifs as me..its really hard
Teh Yunie: Believe me..Its hard x.x;
AThumbToTheEye: I had no idea there were others
Teh Yunie: Im 24 as well ^^
Teh Yunie: You turn 25 before me lol
Teh Yunie: :nod: Me neither
AThumbToTheEye: That’s pretty cool
Teh Yunie: My friend Ashly she’s turning 17 this year..She’s my best friend and she believes in the same things as me
AThumbToTheEye: What do you do?
Teh Yunie: Well Im going to college to become a web designer
Teh Yunie: and then when I keep a job for a couple years..from doing that..then I’ll go to school for Video Game Design
AThumbToTheEye: Nice. I work on a website, among other things.
Teh Yunie: Ah
Teh Yunie: Neato
Teh Yunie: ^_^
AThumbToTheEye: So, you must be a gamer, too.
Teh Yunie: Oh I’ve been one since I was a kid
Teh Yunie: lol Since like 5 years old :D
Teh Yunie: Super Mario Brothers all the way
Teh Yunie: and Im a girl..which is kinda rare
AThumbToTheEye: Not too many women say that
Teh Yunie: :nod:
AThumbToTheEye: So, did you check out my LJ?
Teh Yunie: Well being bi Polar doesnt help much..doesnt help my credibility of my beliefs but :shrug: Thats fine
Teh Yunie: Yeah I did
Teh Yunie: ^_^
Teh Yunie: Nice background :D
AThumbToTheEye: There’s nothing wrong with being bipolar
Teh Yunie: heh Im still working on getting my LJ all Layout-ness goodness
Teh Yunie: I know
Teh Yunie: but I thought I lived in a fantasy world for 8 years
Teh Yunie: but instead I didnt…
AThumbToTheEye: I’m just an alcohollic, lol
Teh Yunie: I just delved so much into my beliefs that no one could dig me out…not like I wanted to be dug out
Teh Yunie: It was my time to get to know my inner self
Teh Yunie: so yes..I believe in this stuff full fledged…Im kinda a zelot for this type of thing
AThumbToTheEye: It is important to know yourself
Teh Yunie: Yeah
AThumbToTheEye: So, what are my chances of being a friend so I can read your LJ? It wouldn’t be fair for you to read mine and not have it go both ways…
Teh Yunie: Its weird…when people are like “you were not yuna in a past life…she’s just a video game character”
Teh Yunie: yes
Teh Yunie: I’ll add you
Teh Yunie: =P
Teh Yunie: you’re added
AThumbToTheEye: The whole thing reminds me of Totems in primitive culture. Do you think they are analog theories?
Teh Yunie: Sorry..I have friends only up..for some reason, that people harrass
Teh Yunie: :nod:
Teh Yunie: The whole theory with this is people dont want to accept that video games could of happened
Teh Yunie: =/
AThumbToTheEye: Ah, no problem. The only ones who would harras me would be he ones who read my column, and NOBODY reads my column
Teh Yunie: Which I believe did happen…or is happening right now
Teh Yunie: LOL
Teh Yunie: Wow
Teh Yunie: You’re added by the way
AThumbToTheEye: So, basically, you believe that video games are some sort of parallel universe that we are experiencing?
Teh Yunie: yeah somewhat
AThumbToTheEye: I only ask because I can’t figure out what I think
Teh Yunie: Oh…
Teh Yunie: Well my whole beliefs are somewhat in that I can access the Astral plain..
Teh Yunie: its a gateway to different worlds
Teh Yunie: Or different plains of existance
Teh Yunie: And the astral plain is real…you just have to think of somewhere and your there
Teh Yunie: thats how fast it is..o.o
AThumbToTheEye: Ah. Like an interdimensional Internet?
Teh Yunie: yes
Teh Yunie: Cept your actually there in your mind
Teh Yunie: You can hear other people talking, without moving their mouths
Teh Yunie: Its like you dont have to open your mouth..they can read what your thinking already
AThumbToTheEye: Telepathy?
Teh Yunie: It’ll seem weird at first..but you kinda get used to it
Teh Yunie: yes..Telepathy ^^;
AThumbToTheEye: See, I’m not sure if I know the mechanism, yet, so much as I know the phenomenon
Teh Yunie: Ah
AThumbToTheEye: At this point it’s like a memory remembered and not a physical reality.
AThumbToTheEye: It’s all so new.
Teh Yunie: Yeah I know…
Teh Yunie: Well if you have any questions about this stuff you can ask me
Teh Yunie: I pretty much know what to do Lol or how to explain ^_^
AThumbToTheEye: Great! It’s nice to know an expert!
Teh Yunie: Im a white mage IRL
Teh Yunie: =D
Teh Yunie: I heal people mentally and physically..but it takes time..and energy
AThumbToTheEye: Magic? Wow. That’s something new. I bet it’s exhausting.
Teh Yunie: It is
Teh Yunie: But like if you immagine yourself as a really high leveled white mage
Teh Yunie: o.o
Teh Yunie: I mean it takes a lot of time to get yourself there granted
Teh Yunie: but Im like a really strong person asturally
Teh Yunie: but Most people dont look for that physically..they look for a skinny body, a great smile, white teeth..Shallow stuff
Teh Yunie: but If you have a strong spirit, people respond lol
AThumbToTheEye: Being astrally powerful must take a whole lot of time and effort…
Teh Yunie: It took me two years –;
Teh Yunie: earth time lol
Teh Yunie: or more =)
AThumbToTheEye: So, what are all the characters you’ve identified already, inside you?
Teh Yunie: Well..
Teh Yunie: It started with Samantha daryl Pearl…
Teh Yunie: she was the first
Teh Yunie: Then came Lucrecia from FFVII LOL
Teh Yunie: Its weird talking about this ^^;
Teh Yunie: Then Quistis from FFVIII
Teh Yunie: And Garnet from FFIX and Yuna from FFX
Teh Yunie: I recognise all those spirits…I lived their life
Teh Yunie: so to speak..so I know what they went through..cause i went through all of that
AThumbToTheEye: So, only Final Fantasy characters?
Teh Yunie: Mainly..but I have others
Teh Yunie: Some arent known
Teh Yunie: Like a girl who had to go through hell…her name is Leria Deroine
Teh Yunie: She had like black hair sky blue eyes with grey pupils
Teh Yunie: Then there was some others…
Teh Yunie: Its a huge list
AThumbToTheEye: Ah. Any men or all women?
Teh Yunie: A few men
Teh Yunie: Mostly women
AThumbToTheEye: This is all so fascinating
Teh Yunie: Whats weird
Teh Yunie: Have you ever played FFVII
Teh Yunie: o_O
AThumbToTheEye: Yes I have
Teh Yunie: Lol Its kinda funny..I created the main character ^^
Teh Yunie: Cloud Strife
AThumbToTheEye: You did?!
Teh Yunie: Square stole him from me
Teh Yunie: Yup I did
AThumbToTheEye: That must suck!
Teh Yunie: i wrote them a letter about a story game idea
AThumbToTheEye: Square are the Devil, after all
Teh Yunie: and I sent them a character sheet
Teh Yunie: And they picked a name and took it as their own
Teh Yunie: I was sooo pissed off
Teh Yunie: I was like
Teh Yunie: 14, 15 or 16 o_o
Teh Yunie: I remember it was 1995 or 1996
AThumbToTheEye: All my personalities come from Atlus games.
Teh Yunie: Before Square had it out in Japan
Teh Yunie: Ah
AThumbToTheEye: I don’t know why
Teh Yunie: Most of mine come from FF or Square games
Teh Yunie: its weird
Teh Yunie: XD
AThumbToTheEye: Maybe I am on a wavelength with Atlus and you are on a Squeenix wave?
Teh Yunie: Maybe
Teh Yunie: I’ve played other games lol
Teh Yunie: Like Lunar Silver Star story
Teh Yunie: and Lunar: Eternal Blue
AThumbToTheEye: So, are you familiar with my site?
Teh Yunie: Hmm :checks it again:
AThumbToTheEye: www.411mania.com/games
Teh Yunie: I see it :D
Teh Yunie: Its nice
AThumbToTheEye: We suck, but we do it well
Teh Yunie: :nod: ^^
AThumbToTheEye: I am thinking about coming out, if you will, about my beliefs
Teh Yunie: Its a good site
Teh Yunie: :nod: Go ahead..I have already ^^
AThumbToTheEye: Well, I added you to my Buddy list, so we can chat again. I need to eat.
Teh Yunie: :nod:
Teh Yunie: Ok ^_^
AThumbToTheEye: G’night, Yunie!
Teh Yunie: G’night Chuck..If I may call you that ^^

Yes, things started to get deeper. Way deeper… Two things occurred at this little point in time: I found myself unable to keep a straight face when I read the responses to my entry and I was impressed with how nice Yunie was. Yes, conflict entered my mind. Would I destroy these fragile people if I did this? Was I going to far? Were fat ugly girls going to kill me in my sleep? If only I knew. One thing that came out in this conversation that would be a VERY common theme in the otakukin writings I’ve come across was the constant digging for new personalities in other people. If I’m Daryl and I like you, you must be Setzer. Scary thing is, she didn’t even know I worked in a casino.

AThumbToTheEye: You warned me? Geez, sorry…
Teh Yunie: No
Teh Yunie: I didnt
Teh Yunie: SOmeone warned me
AThumbToTheEye: Who?
Teh Yunie: Some jackass
Teh Yunie: Who wasnt leaving my friend alone
AThumbToTheEye: Ah. I thought you’d warned me.
Teh Yunie: no
Teh Yunie: ;P
Teh Yunie: Why would I worn you
AThumbToTheEye: Because I’m the Devil… no, wait, that’s Square… Because I’m a minor demon.
Teh Yunie: LOL
Teh Yunie: No
Teh Yunie: :P
Teh Yunie: warn*
AThumbToTheEye: Not literally, of course
Teh Yunie: I know
AThumbToTheEye: Well warn you, too
Teh Yunie: but when I usually block someone
Teh Yunie: they warn me
AThumbToTheEye: Ah
Teh Yunie: ^^;
Teh Yunie: Some jackass decided to harrass my friend Samara for hentai
Teh Yunie: >_>
Teh Yunie: So I told him to knock the shit off
AThumbToTheEye: The only people I chat with on here are other writers, so I don’t have to deal with that
Teh Yunie: :Nod: I agree
AThumbToTheEye: But who cares about hentai? That’s sad…
AThumbToTheEye: So, what are you up to?
Teh Yunie: Nothing much
Teh Yunie: lol yeah
AThumbToTheEye: I’m just chewing gum. I was going to kick ass, but I’m lazy like that.
Teh Yunie: LOL
Teh Yunie: hehe
Teh Yunie: kk
AThumbToTheEye: Well, have fun. I’m off to kick some ass.
Teh Yunie: ok
Teh Yunie: have fun :P

This happened later that day and I was sure I’d blown it. I was as sarcastic and blatant as I could be and she still didn’t see. Like a fat hairy land shark, I saw blood in the water and I suddenly decided this was going to get nasty. And this was all without Alex egging me on. THAT would have been some ugly stuff…

AThumbToTheEye: He’s just a sexy boy, sexy boy…
Darquefyr: Lol Where did that come from?
AThumbToTheEye: He’s not your boy toy, boy toy
Darquefyr: LOL
AThumbToTheEye: Man, have you kept up on the thread?
Darquefyr: NO!
Darquefyr: In the LJ?

AThumbToTheEye: Keep reading it. I only did like two posts and it’s gone NUTS!
Darquefyr: oh gofd
Darquefyr: God bless you chuck
Darquefyr: Oh. I’ve read all these posts
AThumbToTheEye: I’m afraid of going too far… This Yunie girl is freaking in love with me…
Darquefyr: KEEP GOING!
Darquefyr: Tell them next you’re pretty sure I am Hong Kong Phooey
AThumbToTheEye: She thinks I’m Setzer! I haven’t even mentioned working in a casino. She’d probably stalk me.
Darquefyr: HA!
AThumbToTheEye: It kinda creeps me out… But damn is it fun!
AThumbToTheEye: She basically said she wants to leave her boyfriend for someone with the same beliefs and now she’s fawning all over me.
Darquefyr: Push it push it push it push it as far as you can go
AThumbToTheEye: And the other dufuses trying to get her attenbtion crack me up even more.
Darquefyr: Get her to send you pics. You know she’s creepy looking
Darquefyr: Even elfvamp read the otakukin LJ and was like :FUCK those people are crazy!’
AThumbToTheEye: Oooooooooohhhh.
AThumbToTheEye: I need you to get a quote from her for the deouement column!
Darquefyr: LOL.
Darquefyr: Is it wrong to take elfvamp and sexyjill from work to the same Henry Rollins spoken word event knowing both like my wang but are not aware of the other?
AThumbToTheEye: I’m going to get all these comments from people saying “Damn, that’s some crazy shit, and I’m a child molester so I lKNOW fucked up…”
Darquefyr: LOL!
AThumbToTheEye: You can have the most fucked up three way EVER!
Darquefyr: I still think you should say I’m hong kong phooey, but you don’t know if that makes me a furrie or Otakukin
AThumbToTheEye: http://www.411images.com/images/figures/screenshots/studdclassic2.jpg
It’s Big John Studd! He rocked when I was 5!
AThumbToTheEye: I should say you are Rowdy Roddy Piper, but not the real one, the one from the cartoon!
AThumbToTheEye: And Bebito is a California Raisin!
AThumbToTheEye: And Lee is Smurfette!
Darquefyr: HA!
AThumbToTheEye: Soooo this week I play it cool, next week is the crazy fucked up coming out column, and then, the next week, I compile all of these AIMs, LJ things, and the such and bash the Hell out of otakukin!
Darquefyr: Oh chuck. God bless you to heaven
Darquefyr: If I can’t be Hong Kong Phooey can I at least be foofur?
AThumbToTheEye: Best part, the coming out week, I’ll go Mormon by retroactively making all of the Kliq Otakukin!
AThumbToTheEye: Seriously, though, that week, everyone needs to come down on me HARD and act like they think I’m a fucktard!
Darquefyr: HAHAHAHAHA!
AThumbToTheEye: It’ll be brilliant! All in the name of art…
Darquefyr: I won’t come down on you though. I never mentioned anyone else in my columns unless it is a cross reference. Something will seem up if I do
AThumbToTheEye: True, but what if you deny being Splinter from TMNT?
Darquefyr: Dammit Chuck, I have to deny being Hickenbottom enough as it is
AThumbToTheEye: True.
Darquefyr: lol
AThumbToTheEye: Well, off to work

The column hit the site soon after and things started to get heavy. I recieved a number of e-mails, some stranger than others, and had some odd responses from my fellow Kliq members. First, an e-mail from Justin

Hey Chuck, I too have struggled most of my life with social “status” and things of that nature. I have always had a waning belief in God, I was never religous. My belief in God ended when he took my mother from me when she was just a young woman of 44, then 7 months later when he took the dog I had grown up with and loved more then anything else in the world. While this has all happened within the last 14 months, God has ruined his image for me. I am at full scale war with him at this moment and it will likely claim many beliefs, ideas and feelings before this war is ended. I have also believed in reincarnation my entire life. There have been times in my life where i’m driving in the car with my parents, just around my town(where this is the only place it has happened) and for a brief second, the entire hamlet will look just like it did in the mid to late 1800s. I attribute that to a past life, as I attribute the fact that the first time I played Ocarina of Time, I somehow knew where everything was and how to get around, which led me to believe that I once lived in Hyrule, but more so a kokiri because I was born with a pointed left ear, a very prominent attribute of kokiris and elves, but i’m sure you knew that. I want to thank you for introducing me to the Otakukin. I never would have found them otherwise. I sincerely hope that they can help me find my former indentities. Thank you Chuck Platt, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me find myself.
Much respect,
Justin

And here, for the first time ever, even to Justin, is my response…

Ummm Justin, you are kidding right? I hate to sound insensitive, but I can only hope you are kidding. If you aren’t, I feel for your loss but please do yourself, my conscience, and the World at large a favor and seek some counselling. Grief is hard enough without delusion. Please, if it’s the only time someone ever takes my advice, go get some help. If you are kidding, good job and cheerio mate. That’s the kind of stuff I like to see.

This is from Angel:

Uhhh….hmmmm. I don’t know if your were being serious or not, so I’ll have to respectfully ask what kind of hash you smoked before writing that column. I am Catholic and I know that they’re people out their who are athiests and don’t believe in a God and thats fine. I’ll never hold that against anybody nor condemn them for it. But to believe in alternate worlds that inspire Anime is very far fetched to me. But if it makes you happy, more power to you. Just try to cut down on the mind altering substances in the future.

Seriously, if I could find that kind of hash and not get drug tested, I still wouldn’t do it just because I can’t imagine my mind being so fucked. At least you thought it was likely a joke, unlike:

Hey yo,
Just thought I would share my 2 cents with ya.
Truthfully, I don’t see how that is more far fetched than believing the existence of aliens, or the paranormal. Personally, I fell out of the christian religion when I was 10. Just couldn’t understand how God could be such a petty jealous diety like I was being tought. I have my own beliefs now which include reincarnation, probably the closest description to what I believe is Shamanism but that’s not correct, it”s just what I feel is right.
Maybe because I already belief in more than one plan of existence myself (at least spiritual and physical) and reincarnation is why I understand the concept you are talking about. Also, as a writer (or at least I was, I haven’t written much in awhile) I would get ideas for a story or a character that would burn brightly in my mind till I would set it down on paper. The thought that the character might actually exist on another plane and that someone maybe a reincarnation of that character on this one is something I’ve never thought of before. I mean hell, what if there is no other plane but the ideas themself have a life of there own? It’s not something I would nessicarily believe, but I wouldn’t dismiss as being false either.
Hope you don’t get too much hate mail on this, it takes a lot of balls to come forward and say something so personal. Besides, it’s not like believing this is going to hurt anyone. Unless you start thinking you’re the reincarnation of the director in Manhunt or something.
Amen brotha!
Matt Y

Not to poke too much fun at the expense of our newest, discretionary Kliq member, Matt, but damn did this crack me up. I ran around my house and made everyone read it. Unfortunately, the only ones home were me and the dog and the lizard, so only two of us could read it. I was VERY tempted to keep the wool over Matt’s eyes but, being the benevolent creature I am, I informed him of the truth, thus leading to this missive:

think I wrote on the boards to delete my other email, if you haven’t done so yet, keep it and throw it up as feedback as well. I would’ve wrote the same thing a couple weeks ago before Pankonin started accepting my reviews for the site, besides, it’s funny.
Matt Y

Hell, even Matt Hardin weighed in:
I know you’ve probably been told this before, but I do have to say it: You’re really, REALLY fucking weird. Not that that’s a bad thing or anything. Just… weird, man… weird.

Matt Hardin
411 Figures (AWOL reviewer)
411 Games (Groupie)

And, yes, I have been told that a few times…

Before I could do my huge anti-otakukin column, however, something funny happened: the otakukin community shut down! They shuttered it! This left me with a bang to end it with… then something even stranger happened… Miss Yunie, the one who inducted me into all of this, started her own, members only otakukin community. One that was specifically anti-skeptic and members only.

And I became the first member…

After that, I knew that this whole thing was over. Otakukindom is dead, now, with a sad whimper. I’ll miss it.
Now, after over a month of living this lie, here’s the payoff, my take on the otakukin!

Chuck’s Last Word On The Otakukin
I went into this as a joke. This was to be my evil parody of journalism, my one big score. It then turned into something else, a war on an ideology I found repulsively artificial and stupid. The deeper I went though, the more I found that I wasn’t really that angry with the otakukin. I was angry at how fucked up everyone seems to be, period. I saw a group of people who were trying to find meaning in thier lives from what, I would assume, was one of the few things they could trust, Japanese entertainment. Is there any difference between this and channelling an Egyptian deity or pretending to be a mad Arab ala H.P. Lovecraft? While I personally cannot find any meaning for my own life in these artificail mechanisms, I know some people do. I’ve seen “Christians” speak in tongues and I’ve seen some people basically totemize video game characters. Why is one okay and the other not? My world view has little place for such contrivinces, but, by the same token, it’s not like they are pretending wine turns into blood or anything crazy like that. So, while I don’t believe word one of any of this, I do think it is everyone’s right to follow thier own beliefs. Just remember though, I have the right to say I was the chef from BurgerTime! in a previous life and steal your tomato, too.

Well, that’s it forthis week. Have fun,
Chuck