Pulse Cannon 10/20
Hello and welcome back to the Pulse Cannon, where I meander on about topics that pop into my head and where occasionally I discuss things of interest to you, the reader. Four weeks ago I wrote about my 5 favorite Star Wars games of all time, and that actually got a response, so I chose to write two weeks later about the 5 worst Star Wars games of all time, only as I wrote it I remembered more and more games that deserved to be recognized on such a list, and so I broke it up into two parts of 5. Sadly that column didn’t generate a response, but I figure you’re just waiting to hear about which made the top 5 before emailing me and describing my awesome taste in games to me…no really thats what I believe.
So anyway, now we come to the Top 5 games on LucasArts wall of shame. Or at least what should be there when they look at their history and judge their past efforts.
5: Battle For Naboo (N64)
The prequel sequel to Rogue Squadron on the N64, Factor 5 made this as a game that used the expansion pack but didn’t require it, like
they should have. As the game looked horrible without it, and I happened to play it while not having the expansion pack, I had to look at the actual gameplay alot more than I normally would have. What I found was a game that suffers from what alot of the Episode One games suffer from, seemingly rushed gameplay and lack of polish. This could have been a cool game, it winds up being an ugly memory, even after having played it with the expansion pack.
4: Force Commander (PC)
This was born from the public outcry over Rebellion. Sadly, while this game did fulfill the desire for a Star Wars RTS, it really wasn’t as good as it could have been. It felt rushed despite being in development for a long time, and the 3D engine the game used wasn’t as useful as it could have been. The game actually had many interesting concepts, and it further fleshed out what the Imperial Army would look like, not to mention the Rebels (but who cared about them anyway?) It was all about getting an army of AT-ATs of your own to play with. Which, for the first time with this game, you could do. And thanks to the 3D nature of the game, it could sometimes look really friggin cool. The game had potential. It just wasn’t realized. I’d still like to see a Force Commander 2 or even Battlefields remade into 3D, with a proper camera and game testing it could be a fantastic game.
3: Rebel Assualt (PC)
While at the time this game was looked upon as a pretty good, that can clearly be blamed on the lack of Star Wars games up until then. This was one of the first games to come out that used fairly recent graphics and told a new story in the Star Wars universe. What it really was when looked at now, is a Full Motion Video infested turd. Gameplay was limited to how well you could move a joystick around the screen shooting at hard to hit objects. If you missed em all you had to do the loop again until it was all finished. I suppose one could say that this was the ancestor for Rogue Squadron and Rogue Leader, so I can look back at it and say at least it did something good.
2: Jedi Power Battles (Playstation)
This is a game that is a clear money grab. In no way should this game have come out on the Playstation. The system just couldn’t handle the
demands of the game. The only reason this game came out for the PS1 is the size of the Sony userbase. I completely understand too, 50
million Playstation owners can make even the best of us consider making a bad verison of a game before porting it to the proper system. And this was a great idea for a game, just look at the Dreamcast version for how this game could be done on a system that could handle the demands. Lets compare shall we? Sluggish controls vs crisp controls. Horrible animations and poor graphics vs sharp graphics and fluid animations. The DC game wasn’t perfect, but wow what a difference in the games. I think I got maybe 3 levels into the PS1 version before I had to stop playing, fearful of my eyes bleeding. Meanwhile I bought the DC version after I rented it.
1: Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi
Lastly, and certainly least, we come to the Number One game on my LucasArts Star Wars Games of Shame list. This is a game that really helped to make Star Wars a name to avoid for a while when talking about games. This is the game that I still shudder to think about when people talk about it. This game is Masters of Teras Kasi, a fighting game set in the Star Wars universe. Featuring many of your favorites, like Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, Boba Fett, Darth Vader and a couple of others, it had the potential to be really cool. It also had the potential to wind up being disastorously bad. Can you tell which way it turned out? With stiff controls and a cheesy excuse to be throwing all of the characters together in a fighting game, I bet you can. And while all of that could have been forgivable with good gameplay………
…..We now interupt this Top Ten List for a game so horrendous, so hideous, so awful, that it ranks even above Masters of Teras Kasi. I give to you….
SPECIAL BONUS GAME I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT!
Super Bombad Racing
This game was so bad I had completely blocked it out of my mind until I saw it the other day in the used bin collecting dust. Take the characters from Episode 1. Make them Super Deformed like Virtua Fighter Kids or I-Ninja, then stick them in karts and have them race around various tracks making a complete mockery of the universe it’s supposed to occupy and the person playing it at the same time! No game to ever bear the name Star Wars deserves to be taken out into the desert and buried ET-style like Bombad Racing does. This is how horrid the game is, they even made a super deformed Darth Maul. The only cool thing to come out of Episode 1 and they make him super deformed. Truly, a more wretched and vile Star Wars game there never was.
So there you have it people, the 10 worst (and 1 bonus!) games to ever get the George Lucas seal of approval. What does this teach us about Star Wars games? Why, that Blockbuster can be our friends! And on that note, the Pulse Cannon has run out of ammo. See you again in two weeks!