Cheat! 09.10.03

“Q: What do you call Britney Spears and Madonna when they’re making fun of people on the Internet?

A: Flaming Lesbians” — Courtney Williams

Good morning! Or afternoon! Or evening! Or whenever you’re reading this! Its time to take all your gaming skills, all your talent, all those hours spent trying to master your favorite game, and THROW THEM DOWN THE CRAPPER, because NOW, you have cheat codes!

I hope you don’t mind the complete lack of new releases this week, though. Going searching for cheats has been VERY slow. Nothing for Freaky Flyers. Nothing for Madden on the PS2, GC, OR X-Box. Nothing for NCAA Gamebreaker. NOTHING!

So we’re going to go a tiny bit into the past here. You don’t like it? SEND ME STUFF! The whole goal of this column was to get you guys to help send me cheats, easter eggs, FAQs, and whatever else you might find appealing to put here! (I’ll save the hot Asian women for Bebito to post.) In any case, ON WITH THE CHEATING!
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ATV OFF-ROAD FURY 2(Playstation 2)

The official PS2 pack-in when you buy the system, and it’s an okay game from what I’ve heard.

To activate these cheats, go into the Profile Editor, go into Unlock Items, the scroll down and enter “Cheats”. Enter the following here:

EATDIRT: Aggressive AI enabled and disabled
FLYPAPER: Wrecks disabled and Enabled
GABRIEL: Unlock San Jacinto Isles
GAMEON: All Games
GIMMEPTS: 1,000 Profile Points
GOLDCUPS: All Championship events
IGIVEUP: Unlock Everything
SHOWROOM: All ATVs
TRLBLAZR: All Tracks
THREADS: All Equipment

(Credit goes to GameFAQs)
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POKEMON PINBALL: RUBY & SAPPHIRE (Game Boy Advance)

Another game that transcends weeks. And it should, because as Alex Lucard pointed out, this game ROCKS.

This trick comes from ME, and ME only! I actually came across this by accident, and didn’t even look at GameFAQs for it! So sit back, relax, and let me explain how to catch the extremely rare “Wish Pokémon”, Jirachi!

(The door to Glen Towers B, Room 206 literally FLINGS off its hinges as a familiar face storms into the room.)

LUCARD: What the fu”¦JIRACHI?!?

WILLIAMS: Holy crap, its Alex Lucard again! Writer of the famed”¦wait a second, you’re here to make me cry again!

LUCARD: What can I say? It’s what I do. That, and plug the shit out of Ikaruga.

WILLIAMS: I did that too!

LUCARD: I did it better.

WILLIAMS: Meanie!

LUCARD: Shush! Now, I HOPE that you’re not going to fill both your readers”¦

WILLIAMS: I have more than that!

LUCARD: “¦BOTH your readers with the false hope of catching Pokémon you can only obtain via trade shows.

WILLIAMS: But this is Pokémon Pinball! The extremely rare make appearances! Besides, you COULD catch Mew in the GBC game, right?

LUCARD: “¦True. Okay, lets hear it.

WILLIAMS: I got the floor again? Okay. Here’s what you need to do to capture Jirachi:

1) First, go to either the Ruby or Sapphire table, and activate the “Travel” bonus a lot. You’ll need to do this plenty of times.

2) After you cycle through three different stages twice, you’ll travel to a secret “Ruins” area.

3) Once there, activate the “Slot” bonus. A new item should appear on the wheel: Arrival.

4) Assuming you get the wheel to stop on the Arrival space (this shouldn’t be too hard), Jirachi will appear on the pinball table! You’ll then have thirty seconds to hit it with your ball three times (just like Catch Em Mode). Accomplish this task, and BINGO! You’ve unlocked Jirachi!

LUCARD: Is that so”¦

WILLIAMS: And I’ve done it twice in order to double-check!

LUCARD: Interesting. Guess I’ll have to try that one as well. Now go play Persona like a good little boy! (He leaves, broken door unfixed.)

WILLIAMS: Yes sir!”¦Hehe”¦

(After he leaves) Jerk. Now my roommate’s gonna kill me! Stupid Door”¦

(Credit goes to ME for finding it! ME!)
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SOCOM: US NAVY SEALS (Playstation 2)

The first PS2 game to use a headset! Great”¦gimme Karaoke Revolution in a couple months, and then we’ll talk”¦

Here’s a nice set of cheats:

Level Select: Beat the game with the Lieutenant Junior Grade rank.
Use the MGL: Beat the game three times.
Use Terrorist Weapons: Beat the game with the Ensign rank.

(Credit goes to GameFAQs)
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SKYGUNNER (Playstation 2)

Combine After Burner with Panzer Dragoon, add Atlus genius, mix well. Awesome game here.

Here’s a list of unlockable content:

Copain: Beat the game as Femme
Photo Album: Beat the game as Femme
Time Attack: Beat the game in first place as Ciel
Rival: Beat the game as Ciel without losing to Rival
Uniform Processing Mode: Beat the game as Copain
Survival Mode: Beat the game in first place with Copain
Hardi: Beat the game in first place as Femme, Diel, and Hardi
Scene Select: Beat the game with all four pilots.
Detatched Camera Mode: Beat the game with an SS Rank, but not with Hardi or Rival

(Credit goes to GameFAQs)
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TOM CLANCY’S SPLINTER CELL (Playstation 2, X-Box)

Metal Gear Solid killer? Or Metal Gear Solid “It’s Just A Fleshwound”-er? You decide! (Okay, that sucked. I apologize.)

Okay, the cheat is the same in both versions. (I’d like to say the GC version as well, but I could not find it.) To access all the levels in the game, enter your name as !lamaudite!. Yep. That’s all I got.
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RETROCHEATING

This week, Retrocheating will segue into something awesome. But first, the game:

SKIES OF ARCADIA (Sega Dreamcast)

A classic Dreamcast RPG. I’ve never played it myself, so I guess I’m deprived, eh?

Here’s how to see a secret FMV. Direct from GameFAQs’ mouth:

Start a new game and pass the part with Alfonso’s ship, then go back to your island. Leave the underground base of Pirate Isle. Aika will say that she needs to freshen up a bit. Go to her house, then face towards the door. Go all the way to the left until you see a clothesline. In that corner you’ll see – pasted on the wall of that house corner – a handkerchief. Inspect the handkerchief and you will see a hidden FMV sequence of how Aika looks with her hair down.

Not much of a retrocheat, but like I said, it does segue nicely into this”¦
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COMMENTARY: AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, I STILL DARE TO DREAM”¦

Yesterday, September 9th, was a day that should have been celebrated by video gamers all across America. Unfortunately, many have forgotten the greatness surrounding this day. And most of you don’t probably don’t even care, which is sad. So let me jog your memory:

9/9/99

Four years ago, the last Sega made console was released: The Dreamcast. People waited months for the new system, being promised a completely changed video game experience. The system would be graphically superior to any of the other systems on the market. Visual Memory Units, or VMUs, could be used as tiny handheld minigames in addition to being used as memory cards. A 56K modem would be directly built into the system for online play out of the box. Sega was pulling out ALL the stops with this one. It was to be their last attempt at a console.

9/9/99 finally came, and the DC was released to the public with one of the most killer software line-ups in release-day history. Sonic Adventure. Soul Calibur. NFL 2K. Ready 2 Rumble. And 13 other blockbuster titles to go with them. It looked as though Sega would finally have their first console mega-hit since the Genesis.

Unfortunately, this was not to be. Even before the system was released, Sony confirmed the PS2 was in development, and it would be out in the year 2000. So thousands of brainwashed Sony fan boys passed up the opportunity of purchasing the system, and continued to wait for over a year to play the next generation of video games. That coupled with Sega’s increasing financial troubles, they were losing money and fast. Something had to be cut for Sega to survive. And that something was hardware support.

In response to this, Sega haters and Sony fan boys all came out of the woodwork to comment on the ill-fated Dreamcast. Every one that “knew” it would fail got to gloat on websites and message boards all over America. Sega screwed up again, just like they always did. The Dreamcast was apparently crap now, when it had value only days before. The Dreamcast was “dead”.

“¦Or was it?

What you’ve got to understand here is that for a system to be truly “dead”, production has to stop, AND about 90% of that system’s games disappear along with it, completely forgotten. This is what happened to the 3D0, Jaguar, game.com, CD-I, the Lynx, the Virtual Boy, and countless other systems we’ve seen debut and fail in such a short amount of time.

This is NOT SO with the Dreamcast. Sure, production of the system was cut off early, but the games for this system didn’t just dry up and blow away. After all, many of the Dreamcast titles are some of the most innovative, outlandish, and FUN games to ever hit the market. And video game companies just didn’t want to see these games die. Well, mostly Sega here, but a few other companies as well. There have never been so many popular games for any other “dead” system that I can think of.

In any case, whatever life the DC had after its demise, managed to be breathed into new titles for the newer systems. Older titles have been either remade, or inspired new games, or both. And those that haven’t still contain some excellent gaming experiences. And here are only a few examples:

Sonic Adventure / Sonic Adventure 2: Sonic’s real debut into 3D platforming games. Sure the camera angles weren’t the best, and maybe Knuckle’s missions were annoying, but the fact of the matter is that these two games are FUN TO PLAY. Don’t let the Sonic haters talk you out of playing these great games. Both of them have nice stories, memorable characters, and sweet extras. The Chao raising alone makes these games worthwhile. If you can look past the shortcomings of these games, I guarantee that you will have FUN with them!
Rereleases: Sonic Adventure 2: Battle (GC), Sonic Adventure DX: Director’s Cut (GC)
Inspired: Sonic Heroes (PS2, GC, XB)

Soul Calibur: I guess you could say that this is a bit of a reach, considering that SC and SCII came out in arcades first, and that Namco would have released them on home platforms with or without the DC. However, the original SC was a Dreamcast ONLY home game. Not only that, but it was the most BEAUTIFUL looking fighter to EVER grace a console at that time. 19 characters, over 30 different stages, a wide array of weapon-fighting styles, an incredible quest mode, and tons of unlockable extras made this game a collector’s item to EVERY DC owner.
Inspired: Soul Calibur II (PS2, GC, XB)

Crazy Taxi / Crazy Taxi 2: Only Sega would ever consider taking the driving of taxis, and turning it into an extreme sport. The first ones of its kind, this driving simulator had you frantically driving passengers from Point A to Point B while trying to avoid traffic, other people, and whatever else got in your way (like buildings and national landmarks). The fact that you weren’t limited to roads made this game extra fun, as you could take ANY route needed to get that cab fare. The Crazy Box / Pyramid missions also provided an excellent way to learn the game and better your skills. Great concept, and great game!
Rereleases: Crazy Taxi (PS2, GC)
Inspired:? Crazy Taxi 3: High Roller (XB)

Jet Grind Radio: Another original game concept in which you took it to the streets and participated with gang warfare! Well”¦with spray paint, anyway. The goal of this game was to sneak into enemy gang territory and cover all their graffiti tags with your own. You also had to outrun the cops while doing it! As you progressed, more people join your gang, and you get stronger in numbers. And then you had to take out the gangs completely by, what else, spraying your tags on their backs. Great way to represent non-violent gang warfare, and great job to Sega for grabbing another chunk out of my wallet!
Rereleased: Jet Grind Radio (GBA)
Inspired: Jet Set Radio Future (XB)

Space Channel 5: When Sega adds a game to a niche genre, they make it as unique as possible. And this game is as unique as the come. In this Parappa the Rapper type game, you play as Ulala, one hot little news reporter, fighting off these freaky little aliens as you go. The better you do, the more Space Channel 5’s ratings go up. A simple premise, but difficult in execution. This game features excellent music, and a psychedelic look to boot. You’ll be groovin’ to this one for hours.
Rereleases: Space Channel 5 (GBA, PS2 Pending)
Inspired: Space Channel 5 Part 2 (PS2 Pending)

Grandia II: One of the few non-Sega Dreamcast RPGs, but still an excellent one. Nothing like leading a girl with multiple personality disorder through various lands and dungeons, eh? In any case, this game had a great story from what I remember. Excellent graphics, as well as excellent animé and CG cut scenes round this one out to a T. And hey, it comes with a free soundtrack so you can’t lose!
Rereleases: Grandia II (PS2 [but I wouldn’t recommend it], PC)
Inspired: Grandia Xtreme (PS2)

Skies of Arcadia: I can’t tell you much on this one, simply because I never played it. The story involves floating islands, an evil Imperial army, and people named after heroes from other famous RPGs trying to stop them. I’m told that the story is top notch, and I should give this a go VERY soon. And I just might. I just might.
Rereleased: Skies of Arcadia Legend (GC)

Shenmue: Perhaps the most ambitious RPG project in history, the Dreamcast is what started it all. You are Ryo Hazuki, and your father was murdered right in front of your eyes. In order to find your father’s killer, you’ll literally need to live out Ryo’s day-to-day life and search for clues. You’ll have to talk to hundreds of people, manage your wallet, fight off vicious street gangs, get a job, and much, much more. This is probably as close as you’ll ever get to actually simulating someone’s life. And Sega does a pretty damn good job with it. The only thing the US never saw was the sequel on the DC, and the fact that you can transfer your save and continue exactly where you left off. Chalk it up to Microsoft’s business crap there.
Inspired: Shenmue II (XB)

Phantasy Star Online: The first console online RPG ever. Thanks to this little baby, online RPGs are now springing up on consoles everywhere. The DC version saw two releases: the original, and Version 2. Loosely (very loosely) based on the Phantasy Star continuity, you take part in a series of missions (online and off) as any one of twelve types of characters. You had to pay after a while, but the experience of fighting evil baddies with three other people provided hours upon hours of playtime for thousands of people. And they still do today with the newer versions.
Rereleases: Phantasy Star Online Episodes. 1 & 2 (GC, XB)
Inspired: Phantasy Star Online Episode 3 C.A.R.D. (GC Pending)

Samba De Amigo: Another music game produced by Sega, and another incredibly unique twist. I mean, who else would even THINK of using MARACAS as controllers? In anyways, using maracas and special sensors on the floor, you need to shake the maracas at the right time in either high, mid, or low positions. Latin music fits the bill quite nicely, including licensed tracks such as Take On Me, Samba De Janeiro, El Ritmo Tropical, and La Bamba. If you were connected to the Internet, you could also download an executable that allowed you to play Sega classics like Open Your Heart. Add in a special mission mode that help you teach the game, and you’re all set for some mind-numbing Latin dancing!

Seaman: The last game on my list, and the only other one without a rerelease. This game is probably the most surreal experience you’ll ever encounter. Think of it as the most advanced virtual pet you’ve ever seen. For about 2-3 weeks, you are given a tank in which to raise an interesting creature, known as a Seaman. You give it a name, have to feed it, take care of the tank, and other things to keep it alive. You can also talk to it via a special microphone included with the game. And after it grows, it talks back. Not only does it talk back, but it can engage in very interesting conversations, not limited to love life, religion, politics, and even which video game system you like the most. After a set amount of time, you won’t need to constantly take care if it, but you will still be able to talk to it for a while. Not only that, but the story of his existence is revealed as you take care of him. Truly a masterpiece to behold. If you find it at your local EB or Gamestop, BUY IT! I refuse to let this game become forgotten.

So if the Dreamcast is truly dead, no one told me. Or anyone else for that matter.

Sure, the hardware may be dead. But the spirit of the Dreamcast lives on. Through the games. Through the innovation. Through the memories.

And after all these years, I still dare to dream.

Happy Birthday, Dreamcast. And thank you. For everything.
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PARTING THOUGHTS

First, thank you Charles Platt, for giving me the idea for this week’s commentary.

Secondly, I know the length of the column this week sucks, but lets face it, slow weeks = short columns here.

Thirdly, at the risk of losing Bryan Berg’s respect, GO REDSKINS!

Fourthly, DDRMAX2: Dance Dance Revolution comes out in two weeks. It will have music by DJ Sammy, Ian Van Dahl, 4 Strings, Dirty Vegas, DJ Alligator, Kylie Monogue, and more on it. You WILL buy this game.

Can’t promise much for next week, unless we get a ton of new releases to cover. Or, maybe if you guys SEND ME STUFF, this column will be HUGE, AND you get your name in the column! Is that great, or what?

Until next time,