Cheat! 08.20.03

“Look lively!”¦LOOK LIVELY!!!” — Mr. Shmallow, www.homestarrunner.com

Ah, the last week of summer vacation. Time to squeeze in all the gaming hours you can before heading back to your high school or college! Aw, who am I kidding? You’ll probably blow off class and sit in front of your X-Box Live set-ups, or Everquests, or something like that. Not that I endorse this kind of behavior, mind you”¦

As for me, I got lots of stuff I need to do before heading off to my first dorm room experience. I need a new phone, a router for MY X-Box Live set-up, burn some back-up CDs for my PC, get my oil changed”¦lots of stuff.

In my free time, however, I’ve been going nuts in Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution. This is the best fighting game for $20 you’re going to find anywhere. Screw it, this is the best fighting game PERIOD you’re going to find anywhere. Expect a full review sometime soon on this site.

And what’s this? It just happens to be MADDEN WEEK here at 411? Well, how positively delicious! (Okay, I promise never to say that again.) So in honor of that, you’re getting some Madden-based commentary this week. But not on the game itself. On the PEOPLE playing the game. Interested?

But once again, I’ve gone on and on with mindless chatter. Time to go into what you’ve came here for. ON WITH THE CHEATING!
—–
MORTAL KOMBAT: DEADLY ALLIANCE (Playstation 2, GameCube, X-Box)

The grand resurrection of Mortal Kombat, and it’s the best incarnation since MK2. Now, if only the fatalities were a little less”¦uh”¦goofy.

There’s a LOT of secrets to be found in the game. But who can actually FIND them amongst the hundreds of coffins in the Krypt? Well, here’s a list of cool stuff, and which coffins they lie in:

Hidden Characters:
Cyrax: CN (3003 Platinum Koins)
Drahmin: UR (6500 Sapphire Koins)
Frost: IV (208 Ruby Koins)
Hsu Hao: MW (3317 Jade Koins)
Jax: SA (3780 Ruby Koins)
Kitana: KI (2931 Sapphire)
Nitara: TI (4022 Gold Koins)
Raiden: XG (3116 Jade Koins)
Reptile: LL (3822 Gold Koins)

Alternate Outfits
Bo’ Rai Cho: PH (1200 Onyx Koins)
Cyrax: ZW (1485 Sapphire Koins)
Drahmin: SW (1152 Jade Koins)
Frost: UB (1261 Gold Koins)
Hsu: QX Hao (1518 Jade Koins)
Jax Briggs: ZM (1410 Ruby Koins)
Johnny Cage: DK (1460 Ruby Koins)
Kano: BD (1520 Sapphire Koins)
Kenshi: YM (1435 Platinum Koins)
Kitana: BQ (1327 Gold Koins)
Kung Lao: YJ (1208 Ruby Koins)
Li Mei: KX (1406 Sapphire Koins)
Mavado: RD (1455 Jade Koins)
Nitara: AR (2206 Jade Koins)
Quan Chi: AA (1556 Gold Koins)
Raiden: JR (1685 Ruby Koins)
Reptile: XO (1736 Sapphire Koins)
Scorpion: UH (1660 Jade Koins)
Shang Tsung: ML (1170 Gold Koins)
Sonya Blade: SH (1834 Ruby Koins)
Sub-Zero: YA (1999 Sapphire Koins)

And as an added bonus, here’s how to get some super secret chatacters!:

Mokap: Complete all the missions in Konquest Mode. Then, at the character selection screen, highlight Cyrax, hold Down, and press Start.

Blaze: Complete all the missions in Konquest Mode. Then, at the character selection screen, highlight Raiden, hold Down, and press Start.

(Credited to GameFAQs)
—–
NCAA FOOTBALL 2004 (Playstation 2, GameCube, X-Box)

You know, there’s nothing that says “brutal carnage is legal” quite like football. Then again, prolonged exposure to Tomb Raider causes the same effect”¦

Not much here this week, but there is a way to unlock Classic Teams in the game! Simply beat the 20 “College Classics” games. Each one you beat will unlock a different set of classic teams. Enjoy!

(Credited to GameFAQs)
—–
PHANTASY STAR COLLECTION (Game Boy Advance)

Three classic Sega RPGs brought back on one cartridge just for you! God, I love this handheld.

Are you sick of those pesky random battles in Phantasy Star II? Then do what I do: mash the B button!

(A door opens in the background, and a familiar face walks in.)

LUCARD: Uh, Alex?

WILLIAMS: (Looks behind) Gasp! It’s the other, more popular Alex on this site! Alex Lucard!! Amazing!!!

LUCARD: Yeah. Stop doing that.

WILLIAMS: Sorry”¦

LUCARD: Mash the B button to stop fighting? Have you gone completely insane?

WILLIAMS: No, sir! I’m just avoiding those pesky, random battles as I said earlier!

LUCARD: By wearing out the B button. Right.

WILLIAMS: For your information, hitting the B button when walking around will bring up the menus constantly. As you walk, you’ll just go into the menus and not encounter any enemies! It works!

LUCARD: Look, not only are you nuts, but you’re ripping off Bebito’s “randomly breaking out into a skit” gimmick.

WILLIAMS: What?!? Since when was that HIS?

LUCARD: Since he was the first to do it.

WILLIAMS: I’ve been writing faux skits like this WAY before Bebito!

LUCARD: Really. Where?

WILLIAMS: Uh”¦on my former college’s Anime Club mailing list?

LUCARD: Uh-huh. Was it on 411Games?

WILLIAMS: Uh”¦no”¦

LUCARD: I rest my case.

WILLIAMS: But they were funny! I called myself Tuxedo Alex! It’s cool!

LUCARD: “Tuxedo” Alex?

WILLIAMS: Yes!

LUCARD: From Sailor Moon?

WILLIAMS: Yes!

LUCARD: A girl’s animé?

WILLIAMS: Uh”¦Yes!

LUCARD: You know that sounds stupid right?

WILLIAMS: It’s not stupid!

LUCARD: Of course it isn’t. (snicker)

WILLIAMS: Shut up!

LUCARD: I can here Baxley laughing all the way up at the top of the page.

WILLIAMS: But it’s COOL! Leave me alone!

LUCARD: Okay, calm down little man. Maybe I WILL try it the cheat.

WILLIAMS: Okay then!

LUCARD: And watch out for those thorny roses”¦(snicker snicker)

(Lucard leaves.)

“¦But Tuxedo Alex IS cool”¦(sniff)”¦

(Credited to GameFAQs)
—–
SILENT HILL 3 (Playstation 2)

“¦(sniff)”¦Sorry for not coming up with a creative introduction, guys. I’m”¦I’m still a little verclemped from ealirer”¦talk amongst yourselves”¦I’ll give you a topic”¦New York is neither “new”, nor a “york”. Discuss”¦

“¦

“¦

“¦Okay, I’m better now.

So, what’ve we got here? Silent Hill 3? Sweet. It appears that there are plenty of extra costumes you can put on. First, you need to beat the game. Then, you’ll have access to an “Extra Costumes” menu. From there, enter these case-sensitive passwords:

Block head: PutHere2FeelJoy
Don’t Touch: TOUCH_MY_HEART
Heather Shirt: HappyBirthDay
Gamereactor T-shirt: SH3_Wrestlam
God of Thunder: GangsterGirl
Killer Rabbit: BlueRobbieWin
Onsen: I_Love_You
Play Shirt: sLmLdGhSmKfBfH
Royal Flush: 01_03_08_11_12
The Light: LightToFuture
Transform Costume: PrincessHeart
Transience: ShogyouMujou
Zipper: Shut_your_mouth

And what’s this? Looks like Konami managed to whore itself to a bunch of video game magazines to include their logos in secret costumes as well. Interesting. Here are the passwords for these:

EGM: EGMpretaporter
GamePro: ProTip
GMR: GMRownzjoo
OPM: SH3_OPiuM
PSM: BADICAL

And for this last costume change, you’ll have to enter the good ol’ Konami code. After you beat the game, select “Extra New Game” from the main menu, and then press (say it with me now), Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, O, X. Heather will sigh to confirm the code worked. Now, whenever you see the character Douglas, he will be in boxer shorts. Um”¦yeah. Enjoy!

(Credited to GameFAQs)
—–
STAR WARS: KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC (X-Box)

Geez, this MUST be popular. It’s shown up here in Cheat! for three straight weeks.

In any case, here’s a pretty easy way to get Dark Side points rather quickly. Once you’re on the Ebon Hawk and discover the stowaway, select “Get out of here, whoever you are! Right Now!!” as your choice of words. Then, talk to her again, and choose the same option. Lather, rinse, repeat. You’ll be accumulating Dark Side points in no time!

(Credited to GameFAQs)
—–
SUPERMAN: SHADOWS OF APOKOLIPS (GameCube)

For the record, Superman has never translated well into video games. Ever. No matter how many tries developers make, Superman can never be reproduced in a game. (Right, Mr. Watson?)

Even so, even the mediocre-to-bad games have cheat codes, and it’s my duty to post them here for your enjoyment. Enter these in the Cheats menu:

All Biographies Unlocked: INTERVIEW
All Levels Unlocked: SIGHTSEEING
All Movies Unlocked: POPCORN
Alternate Credits: SGKEL341
Different Pick-Up Icons: JUST FOR STEVE
Easy Test of Strength: SORE FINGER
Everything Unlocked: I WANT IT ALL
Explore Metropolis: WANDERER
Icon Hunt & Shooting Gallery: CREEP (Enter “WANDERER” and “FEATURE” first)
Infinite Health: FIRST AID
Infinite Super-power: JUICED UP
Low Res Mode: PEA SOUP
No Super-power: JOR EL
Old Movie Mode: RETRO (Enter “FEATURE” first)
Play as Clark Kent: SECRET IDENTITY
Play as Parasite: FEELING DRAINED
Reverse Controls: SUPERMAN
Reverse Displays: DOWN UNDER (Enter “FEATURE” first)
Slow Motion Mode: SLOW MOTION
Time Limits Removed: STOP THE CLOCK
Tomato Soup Mode: TOMATO SOUP
Underwater Mode: WIBBLE (Enter “FEATURE” first)
Very Hard Difficulty Unlocked: NAILS

Funny how Superman needs to cheat to be invincible, isn’t it?

(Credited to GameFAQs)
—–
RETROCHEATING

This week’s Retrocheating segment once focuses on a classic that will finally be receiving the sequel it long deserves. The thing is, you can only find this fighter on the Dreamcast. In fact, it remains one of the best fighters in history to date, even without going multiplatform. Of course, I’m talking about”¦

SOUL CALIBUR (Sega Dreamcast)

Yes, Soul Calibur. It may have a sequel due out next week on three systems with three exclusive characters, but this game was incredible at the DC launch, and still holds up even today.

So, you think you’ve completed the Mission Mode and unlocked ALL its goodies? Earned enough points for ALL the hidden art gallery pictures and the secrets that lie within? Well, you haven’t. Not unless you’ve discovered the two hidden missions! To access them, you’ll have to complete all the regular and extra missions first. Once you have, follow these instructions:

Pit/Swamp Missions: Once you’re in the Mission Map, move to the left-most screen and move your pointer around Russia. (In the upper-right hand corner.) Keep moving it around that area until you hear a confirmation sound. Press A, and, you’ll have access to two new missions! The first one is called “Pit”, where you’ll have to face one random enemy. Whoever gets hit becomes invisible. The second mission is “Swamp”, where you’ll have to face two random enemies. You must keep moving, or you’ll lose health and sink into the ground.

Secret Training Dojo Mission: Now go to the right-most map screen, and move the cursor around the Korea area. Once you hear the tone, press A, and you’ll have access to five new missions!

Basement: Defeat three enemies while avoiding the rats.
First floor: Defeat two enemies while both of you are invincible. You must win by ring-out.
Second Floor: Defeat one enemy.
Attic: Defeat four enemies. There’s low gravity, and the stage edges will shock you.
Rooftop: Defeat one enemy. The enemy’s metallic, and you’ll fight on slippery ground.

And because I’m a nice guy, I’ll include how to change the color of Sophitia’s panties. (There’s NO NUDE CODE, perverts!)

On the selection screen, select Sophitia, and hold one of the following buttons until the fight begins to get Sophitia in different panties:

X: Pink
Y: Blue
B: Black
R: Yellow
A: White

(Credited to GameFAQs)
—–
COMMENTARY: MONDAY MADDEN MAYHEM

As most of you know, any video game with the word “Madden” in the title is one hot game. It’s probably the most anticipated thing, game, system, or otherwise, in the video game industry each year. People can’t wait to get their hands on the game and play as their favorite football teams, tackling every other team that gets in their way to the almighty touchdown. You know, come to think of it, that’s how it is every year on release day; ravaging gamers tackling everyone else to get their copy first.

In the past 2-3 years, the new releases of Electronic Arts’ Madden NFL franchise have been with complete chaos on release day, at least in my area. The two video game stores in the Laurel Centre Mall in particular, Electronics Boutique and Gamestop, were right at the center of it all. Hundreds of preorders were filled at both stores for weeks before the release date. As the day of the release grows closer, gamers get antsy, and employers get nervous. Carefully orchestrated plans to serve the customers on the fateful day are created, even though they’ll usually fall through. The customers themselves raise their adrenaline to new heights, ready to prove their supremacy on the gridiron once again. And then the day finally arrives. Last minute preparations are made by both sides. The customers call in to make sure their copy is reserved and paid for. The employees are constantly checking the delivery times to make sure everything goes right. But then the night hits. The fateful Madden Monday Night. Lines start forming. Plans fall through. And the chaos begins.

The Electronics Boutique in the Laurel Mall had their own plan of attack. Everyone would be served on a first come, first serve basis. Those who came to pick up the game would be given a number, and be called in the order of arrival. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. What ended up happening was that as quickly as numbers were given out, the lines started to form faster. Those who left and came back, confident that their place in line was in tact, found themselves waiting by the B. Daltin bookstore, while the EB was ten stores down the mall. (Yes, the lines stretched THAT far.) So, if you were to call #5, and #5 was at the end of the line, you know that trouble is starting.

To make matters worse, mall security saw the long line, and tried to fit everyone into the store. Let me repeat this. They tried to fit EVERYONE into the store. Think about this for a second. Mall security was going to take between 150 and 200 people in a line that stretched down 10-12 stores and probably UP the stairs, and shove them all into a tiny little mall alcove never meant to hold more than 30-40 people. Trust me, this is a VERY stupid idea once you think about it. So now the number system is faltered, and you have hundreds of people pressed up against the merchandise, and employees who can’t even breathe much less think straight over who’s next in line. There’s no line to speak of. It’s just one angry mob getting more and more agitated that they don’t have their game yet. Things are looking bleak.

Luckily, the EB story had a happy ending. My uncle, a former manager of that EB location, took it upon himself to help get things straight for this one night. With his help, the group organized a set of two lines, got the games out, and got customers out the door. Things could have ended a lot worse than they had.

The Gamestop location wasn’t so lucky in this case, however. In fact, they had to close early because of the chaos. People kept cutting in line, breaking into fistfights, and causing so much general mischief, that the store locked its doors and made lots of gamers unhappy that night. And who could blame them? I wouldn’t want to sell my wares to a mob that could potentially loot the place.

The thing I’m asking myself right now is “Why all this fuss over a football game?” I mean, plenty of sports titles come out every year. Baseball, basketball, and hockey never seem to hold the sales records that football games do. So why all the fuss? Why the mobs of people?

Could it be the brand new running game and passing game engines?

“¦Nah, probably not. Most people would still by the game just to play as the home team.

Could it be the graphics? Are they areally THAT good and improved?

“¦No, not buying it. The same reasons above apply to hear.

Could it be that John Madden’s three-year-old sound bytes are that fun to listen to?

NO NO NO! A thousand times no! Madden’s commentary is grating on the ears and annoys me personally every year! I don’t know WHY people would buy the game for that!

What about that guy on the cover?

Michael Vick? Nope. The fact is that right now, he’s fractured a bone in his leg, and ended up out of action for about six weeks. That’s kinda ironic, if you think about it. Seriously, if it says Madden on the box, people will buy it.

Could it just be the demographic the game caters to?

Folks, we have a winner.

Lets face it. Football is one of the most violent sports in America. It ranks right up there with hockey fights and figure skating hit-and-runs. Those who play it tap deep into their most basic primal urges to stop the person with the ball with their own body. Injuries pile up every year because of it. And those who survive make big money off of it.

It’s no different than Madden’s key demographic: the hardcore football fan. The hardcore football fan lives for football, and the passion of the players will rub off on them. They will unknowingly emulate their heroes and tap into their most basic urges to protect their territory. They MUST have the new game NOW. They MUST prove to their friends, their coworkers, their loved ones, and themselves, that their team has what it takes to go all the way, even if they have to take the team there themselves. The MUST control the new roster. They MUST rule the season stats. They MUST make it to the Super Bowl at all costs.

And so on launch day, when Madden NFL 2004 was released, the hardcore football fans gathered. And with all the testosterone present, chaos was about to erupt sooner or later. And when it happened, all hell broke lose.

And all this over a football game with commentary so old and stale that there’s mold growing all over it.

Just wait until Madden NFL 2005’s launch day.
—–
PARTING THOUGHTS

And that’s all she wrote for this week. Next week is my first week at Towson University, so things are gonna be a bit hectic. I might even have to”¦gulp”¦phone in a column next week! But don’t worry. You CAN and WILL expect something next Wednesday to fulfill all your cheating desires”¦at least a certain category of them”¦

And for the record, if you’ve ever seen someone going by Tuxedo Alex around this big Internet of ours”¦you know, writing animé fanfiction and MSTs, posting on DDR and Bemani message boards, running the Blue Spheres FAQ somewhere else, not updating personal websites for months on end”¦yeah, that’s me. Hi! How’ve you been? Miss me?

(The door opens once again, and another familiar face enters.)

BEBITO: Oh, Alex”¦

WILLIAMS: (Checks to see who is behind him.) Well, hey! It’s Bebito Jackson!! Creator of the Down-Lo and user of the “randomly breaking out into skits” gimmick!!!”¦ (Thinks for a minute) Oh, crap”¦

BEBITO: (Holding a baseball bat, and tapping it lightly on his open palm.) I’d like to have a word with you about that.

WILLIAMS: Well”¦hehe”¦um, just let me close up things here”¦

Looks like I’m in the 411 doghouse here”¦but it took two and a half months to get here! A new record for me! Yay!

Until next time, never play a Puyo Puyo-type game for three straight hours and try to sleep. You won’t like what you see when you close your eyes.

And pray for my safe recovery from the injuries I’m about to suffer.

Alex Williams