Inside Pulse 12

411 Games Rumor Down-Lo 02.11.03

411 Games Rumor Down-Lo 02.11.03
411 Games Quote of The Week
Bebito Jackson has his Rumor Down-Lo column on Tuesdays. I have to ask, dude. What the hell was that Olly/Sifl shit? I read that thing three times and I still can’t comprehend it.
— Joseph Stanley ( The Weekend Wipe-Up 02.08.03)

(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE 02-11-03: BEGIN TRANSMISSION…)

Hi, I’m Bebito Jackson, and this is the 411 Games Rumor Down-Lo.

I must say the quality of 411 Games has gone up quite a bit since the first time I laid eyes on her. Alex Lucard feels like he came straight out of the pages of GameFAN with his excellent Retrograding columns. Joseph Stanley is under read and underrated because his Weekend Wipe Up is the best piece of writing for your reading consumption over the weekend throughout all of 411 Mania (yes I said “all”, even the Wrestling Zone). And Jason Masters is still the funniest thing since Kelly Osbourne taking herself seriously as a singer, with his hilarious Final Continue. The only way it could honestly get any better around here is if I stopped writing.

Behold the “Turn the Tables” edition of the Down-Lo. Check it out: The higher the DOWN-LO RATING the more truth there are to these stories (scale 1-10). As always these are just rumors (which is why you read me in the first place), get ready for a ride down the speculation highway. Enjoy. I do.


This is the Down-Lo.

BELLA’S FAVORITE PS2 GAME GETS A SEQUEL
My wife, Bella, is totally addicted to Jak & Daxter for the PS2. We’ve beaten the game already, and she still plays it almost religiously. I can’t blame her; it’s good stuff. So she’ll be more than happy about this.

According to IGN’s Off The Record, ‘come the end of this February, Naughty Dog co-founder Jason Rubin will speak about his work on’ their ‘franchises at the DICE Summit in Las Vegas, Nevada. According to the DICE Website, “Rubin and Naughty Dog are working on an undisclosed PlayStation 2 title scheduled for release in 2003.”‘ Now what could this mystery game possibly be? IGN seems pretty darn confident that it’s a sequel to Jak & Daxter, and if that’s the case, I have another must-have title for the latter part of 2003. My poor wallet.

Just as a tidbit from the same source, it’s been ‘heard that Insomniac is actually bringing out a sequel to Ratchet and Clank this year’ too.

SCEA is quite busy.
DOWN-LO RATING: 8

LESS EQUALS MORE
I’ve been holding out on getting a GameCube for quite some time now. Then Nintendo announced that free game of your choice deal for when you buy the system. This was finally what I was looking for. So on the promotions start date last Sunday, I picked up a Platinum GameCube with a free copy of Metriod Prime. I walked out of the store pretty happy. Even Bella was pleased, because the system matched the color of our DVD player (don’t ask me how that’s important). Feeling a job well done, I went online to begin preparing the Down-Lo. Then I got the kick in the nads.

Off The Record strikes again. ‘Although it’s always bound to happen sometime or another, they’ve heard some interesting notions about price drops. Several major executives from third-party publishing houses have gone right ahead and said they expect hardware price reductions this spring. These people have said so in their financial earnings reports, and have thus told analysts and the lot the same thing. The belief is that PS2 and Xbox will drop to $159 each, with GameCube dropping to $99 this spring. We suspect this will happen right around E3.’

A $99 GameCube. Am I pissed? Not really, but the fact that Nintendo didn’t announce an end date to their free game with the GameCube promotion did bug me quite a bit. In the back of my head, I just know that there was going to be a window of opportunity where I could have gotten a GC for $99 with a free Metriod Prime. It’s gonna drive me freakin’ crazy.
DOWN-LO RATING: 7

EGM RUMOR OF THE WEEK
Why are other supposed “news” columns here at 411 Games reporting on rumors? Ron Yip, in yesterday’s SimColumn NEWS Report, steals this week’s EGM rumor of the week from me. No sweat off my back. I’ll just save myself time and energy by quoting him.

“In this week’s edition of Electronic Gaming Monthly, Quartermann is reporting that a Kingdom Hearts movie is said to be in the works (as well as a TV series in the future). Although there has been no script so far this rumor is almost as good as go. A lot of people will remember that this isn’t Square’s first dabble into the movie business and if it’s anything like their last venture into the film industry Kingdom Hearts: The Movie will be boring, confusing and downright crappy.”

A Kingdom Hearts movie would certainly be crappy if Square was handling it, but most likely Disney will be pulling the strings on this one. And that’s great, because like Ron said, it’s happening for sure.
DOWN-LO RATING: 10

ZELDA, ZELDA, AND MORE ZELDA
I have Zelda rumors out the yin-yang, folks.

Evil Avatar lets on that ‘Shigeru Miyamoto, Nintendo’s design guru who has been responsible for series like Mario and Zelda, stated in the newest issue of Famitsu that he hopes to produce a new game in the Zelda series this year, as well as original episodes in the Mario and Pikmin franchises.’ The Mario and Pikmin games were already confirmed for GameCube, but the news of another installment in the Zelda franchise was not known until now. What will set the world afire is the speculation that this next Zelda adventure will turn away from the cartoony style the series has recently veered into. Anyone remember those GC Zelda screen shots that we originally saw a couple years ago? Well in order to keep fans guessing, along with keeping anticipation high for the series, the realistic style that was shown when we were first introduced to the idea of a GameCube Zelda, will supposedly finally make an appearance.

Another rumor from an unconfirmed source lets on that Nintendo may be releasing an old-school collection of Zelda games for the Cube, similar to Sonic Mega Collection. The games would span from the original Legend of Zelda down to the Ocarina of Time (even including games in the series from Game Boy). This sounds a bit suspect to Bebito however, seeing as how TOOT will be given out for free with pre-orders of Zelda: Wind Walker. Regardless, if such a compilation did come out, I’d pay for it… even if they charged a $100 for the thing. Worth every penny.
DOWN-LO RATING: 6

And that’s the Down-Lo.


(411 DOWN-LO MAIL: WELCOME BEBITO! YOU HAVE 5 UNREAD MESSAGES…)

First up this week, we have my good buddy Alex Lucard with a rumor tidbit for us.

Here’s a semi rumor for you. You know the Pokemon game for the GameCube? Supposedly it’s the only way for the Ruby/Sapphire pokemon to fight the 100+ pokemon not in the GBA game. you can have groudon vs Charizard and Mewtwo vs rekuzza!
(FILE FROM… Alex Lucard)

There it is straight from the man himself, folks. I didn’t understand a word of it either.

I liked the rumor whore line. That was hilarious.

As for the lack of responses, people rarely send fan mail to those that they read. I myself write stuff and know that fan mail is cool, and yet, I never send it. I think that makes me a bad person. Either that or the chainsaw line. One of the two.

You know, maybe if you said something controversial in your column, people would respond to it. Try putting in a “My wife is actually an illegal immigrant who I keep tied to a water heater in my basement” line or a passing comment about “those damn hippies”. Hopefully that will generate some responses.

Good work as always, and on behalf of your readership, I thank you for giving me a 10-minute diversion every week.
(FILE FROM… Michael Blaszkowski)

Thanks Mike. Hmmm. Something controversial, eh? That’s not my area expertise, but I’ll give it a shot. How bout this:

Was it just I, or was the Michael Jackson interview the most disturbing thing you’ve ever seen too. Those kids that he’s staying/sleeping with are sooo getting banged. The guy has so many of the traits of a pedophile that it isn’t even funny. Only difference between other pedophiles and Michael is that MJ has tons of money. You see, normally those types of people lure kids to their home using toys or other types of games/entertainment. Most perverts can only afford something like a Playstation2 or GameCube. MJ, using a technique that’s sure to attract little kiddies in droves, takes all of that cash-money he’s got and builds a freaking amusement park. Man. Granted, it is a pretty awesome amusement park. Who knows? Maybe the kids he’s molesting are having so much fun at that park, that maybe they figure they’ll just take the hit. They don’t know any better, that’s for sure.

Whatever. They just need to lock him up and let Bubba and Sweetums have their ways with him over and over again. On second thought, the sick freak might like that. *shakes head in disgust* Forget locking him up, anyone who molests kids, to quote everyone’s favorite orange cat Garfield, “should be dragged out into the street and shot.”

You said you’d do a Precious Roy ad. I didn’t believe you.

That mistake will never be repeated.

A grand, grand job indeed. Even the hooker monkeys were impressed!
(FILE FROM… Jim Moore)

You should know by now Jim, when I say I’m gonna do something, I do it. Even if only 1/16 of my audience actually understands it… I do it.

As for those hooker monkeys… Ah, forget it. It’s too easy.

What up Bebi.

Interesting idea having your honey fill in some space on your column. Not really knowing anything about your wife’s’ taste in videogames, or having knowledge about her writing skills, I didn’t know what to expect. Nor did I want to find myself in the middle of a very long, very boring rant about yada-yada or whatever.

I’m glad it didn’t turn out that way. I enjoyed the casual nature of the review, and i’d like to thank her for not dragging me through a bedtime story. I look forward to more in the future.

And more S&O!

Anyway, I’ve got to comment on the move by Activision to find a better developer for the X-Men license. It’s about time someone woke the f*ck up and realized that crappy games are over-rated. Witch leads me to thank all the X-Men fanboys out there that didn’t settle for toilet paper instead of quality work. Bravo to all of you for resisting the urge to see all of your favorite characters, beat the crap out of each other with the mashing of only a few simple buttons. You make me proud, really. You make me want to sing, you make me want to dance, climb to the top of the highest mountain and do some back flips,kicks and shit like that.

Seriously, if more fanboy-types took a lesson from the rest of you, we wouldn’t see the shame that is Dragonball Z budico, budica, budisomething. I don’t even remember the name, that’s how worthless the game is, and yet you allowed the developers to spoon feed you that can of crap for a hearty 49.99 price tag.

What about me I ask. What about the people who can’t stand the taste of crap? Will they ever realize that a quality piece of construction would lead to heavy groping of wallets and bank accounts nationwide!? I’m not talking about your basic kind of groping, i’m talking about teenage-hormonal, hot and sweaty, uninhibited, skin-slapping good time groping damn it!

Sadly though, I doubt we will ever see a license like DBZ get the respect it deserves.

I blame the fan boys.
(FILE FROM… greydragon)

Sup dragon. Glad you liked Bell’s Review. Glad you like S&O (Sifl & Olly) too.

The things with X-Men: Next Dimension and the DBZ PS2 game are this… They aren’t terrible games; they just could have been much better. Licensed games however, normally sell by the truckload no matter how good or bad they are, so the developers tend to get lazy. Now gamers are starting to catch on, and aren’t buying everything that stars Wolverine. And that’s a good thing *gives DDP smile*.

Just read your column, sorry to hear that you’re sick but I feel for you man, I’ve been there. Even when you KNOW that your woman is sick and you’re going to get sick if you stand closer then 10 feet from her, you can’t help but be with her. I suppose it’s the forbidden fruit thing huh? But it does work both ways so eye for an eye I suppose.

Well, I e-mailed with more then that little piece of nonsense. I was wondering if you’d be interested in having me interview you for the Spotlight, I’m sure your readers would be interested.

Take it easy.
(FILE FROM… Ron Yip)

Thanks for the get-well wishes. Both Bella and I are feeling much better.

So you want to Spotlight me, Ron? That might not be a bad idea. As a matter of fact, I have a whole bunch of space to fill in this column… So let’s do it right now!

(411 DOWN-LO-MAIL: SIGNING OFF…)

Ok, this is new software that I have installed; so let’s see if this works…

(DOWN-LOADING: RON YIP / 411 GAMES)
Statistics:
Reporter for 411 Games
SimColumn News Report
2002 Lo-Down! Awards Co-Host
Disgruntled Gamer

Ron Yip: What’s going on man?
Bebito: Yo bro! Totally glad you want to interview me. Thanks.
Ron Yip: Alright any rules for me before we start?
Bebito: Um… don’t ask any questions about my rumor monkey. He’s kind of shy.
Ron Yip: Let’s start then.

THE DOWN-LO SPOTLIGHT
Ron: Welcome Bebito, this week it’s time for you to be on the other end, how are you feeling?
Bebito: Cool. I’m totally in my element here, seeing as it’s my own column and all. I’m just privileged to meet you for the first time, Ron.

Ron: Yeah it’s kind of weird that this is the first time we’ve really talked. Anywho, let’s get to know you a little bit better. Where abouts are you from?
Bebito: Like my great boss Widro, I live in the arm-pit of America. Also known as New Jersey.

Ron: At least be happy you’re not living in America’s wang, also known as Florida. How old are you?
Bebito: lol. I’m 22. “America’s wang.” lol

Ron: Yeah I credit that line to The Simpsons, just incase somebody e-mails me to complain that I stole it from Homer.
Bebito: Good that ya mentioned it. My readers will call you on stuff like that.

Ron: Hey, after my experience with my Dragonball Z review, I think there are people like that out there. But that’s enough about me, we’re here to talk about you. How’d you get started with 411?
Bebito: I noticed guys like Jason Masters and Chris Pankonin writing columns for 411 Games. Appalled at the lack of gaming rumors, I emailed Widro to complain. I felt bad for you guys… seeing as nobody was actually reading the Games Zone and all. So I offered my services to Ashish to help turn the place around. I sent him my resume’ showing my previous work on www.segadcpower.com. And he was impressed. As a matter of fact… rumor has it that Ashish likes me the best. *thumbs up, smile with teeth showing* Sadly, I still have much more work to do to turn the place around. *shaking head*

Ron: Hey, ever since you’ve been doing a regular column the readership for the site has gone up. You can’t make up numbers like that. I mean compared to everybody else, your column is fresh and interesting everytime. Where do you usually get all your interesting rumors?
Bebito: Well… a lot of times I get them from “respected” rumor sites, like IGN.com and Gamers.com. I’m also a member of GamesPress, which gives me contacts to nearly EVERY developer within the game industry. So some of my stuff comes from there.

And I was just kiddin’ about you guys needing help before. You seemed to be doing quite fine before me.

Ron: I think I came in around the same time you did so you’re not offending me, don’t worry about it. Now Chris on the other hand, you’ve got to deal with him later. How’d you get a membership to GamesPress? That sounds interesting.
Bebito: Only “respected” internet journalist like you and myself can join. I’ll talk to ya about it after the interview.

Ron: Sounds good. Let’s turn this conversation around 180 and talk about your games. What systems do you own?
Bebito: Commodore64, Atari, NES, GameBoy Color, Sega Genesis, Sega Saturn, Nintendo64, Sega Dreamcast, Playstation2, GameCube, and Xbox.

Ron: That’s a pretty nice collection. What games are you currently playing?
Bebito: The excellent Shenmue II and the amazing Metriod Prime. Can’t get enough of those games. I’m also playing Oddworld, and Virtua Fighter 4 on and off.

Ron: I hear ya. I swear, when the European version came out for Dreamcast. I spent 4 days straight doing absolutely nothing but play Shenmue II. Generally, what’s your favorite genre?
Bebito: RPG. I was born a rpg gamer, and I’ll die hopefully with my copy of Panzer Dragoon Saga spinning in my Saturn.

Ron: LOL, I’m hoping that during my funeral they will play the Super Mario Bros. music they play whenever you’re in an underground tunnel. What would you say is your favorite game of all time? I’m assuming Panzer Dragoon Saga here.
Bebito: Then you’d be almost right. I’m always on the fence between PDS and Shining Force II. Both are too excellent beyond words and flux as my favorite depending on the day. If I was backed into a corner however, I’d have to say Shining Force II.

Ron: Oh yeah, Shining Force II was a truly excellent game. What’s your favourite system then?
Bebito: Ouch. That’s a close one. I’ll go with the Sega Dreamcast. There weren’t that many RPGs, but it had everything else I wanted.

Ron: They had Skies of Arcadia, that’s more then enough to satisfy the RPGer’s needs.
Bebito: If you’re a NORMAL human being yes. But I’m much happier with the selection on the PS2. Star Ocean 3. Xenosaga. FFX-2, FFXII. Wild Arms. It goes on forever.

Ron: You’re truly hardcore, I mean anybody who likes Xenosaga has to be. You’re starting to scare me.
Bebito: You haven’t spoken to Alex Lucard yet have you? Believe me… I’m about as “hardcore” Yogi Bear when compared to him.

Ron: Yeah Lucard definetly scares me. I don’t know, I just have this thing and hardcore RPG gamers. Bad experiences… What’s been the wildest rumour you’ve heard that actually came out to be true?
Bebito: Hold on! I’m curious now. What happened to you? What soured you on rpg gamers?

Ron: I just had a few friends back in high school that were hardcore gamers and were COMPLETELY obsessed with their games. LIke one of those people that you can’t get any finger prints on their games or they’ll go absolutely insane. Needless to say I wasn’t friends with them for too long
Bebito: Um yeah… those kind of guys are, err… crazy. *cough* Yeah. Let’s continue on…

Ron: Hey that turned me off of many RPGs, I didn’t want to end up like them.
Bebito: Well I’m totally not like that… *looks around nervously* Yeah…

Ron: ……
Ron: Maybe we should just skip to the Word Association.

WORD ASSOCIATION TIME:
I’m going to say a word, and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind. Ready?

*****

(Videogames) – collection

(Nintendo) – Mario

(Sony) – killed Sega

(Microsoft) – Bill Gates plan for world domination

(Mario) – “underworld theme”

(Sega) – the best

(Grand Theft Auto) – violent

(RPGs) – engrossing

(Scott Keith) – contest

(Chris Pankonin) – boss

(Jason Masters) – makes fun of me

(Ron Yip) – Mondays

(Alex Lucard) – hard freaking core

(Bebito Jackson) – sucks

*****

Ron: Alright, lets wrap this thing up. Thanks Bebito, it’s been nice getting to know you better, you’ve definitely moved up a few more steps in my book (despite the RPG incident LOL). Finally, as a theme here in the Spotlight do you suck Bebito? (figuretively not literally)
Bebito: I don’t know. Honestly, it all depends on what people think of my work. If I do a good column or two, then no, I don’t suck. If my columns suck, then yeah, I suck. My readers are always sure to let me know when I’ve completely lost my mind, so that’s what I gauge it on. It’s all on you guys.

Oh forget that. I suck.


Be sure to check me out next week. I’m having a contest, and you can win FREE stuff! That’s the best kind of stuff. Check out my home biscuit Jason Masters tomorrow. Peace. I’m out.

(411 DOWN-LO OFFLINE: END TRANSMISSION…)