Inside Pulse 12

411 Games Rumor Down-Lo 01.14.03 Part I

411 Games Rumor Down-Lo 01.14.03 Part I

LIVE! From Atlantic City, New Jersey. It’s the first ever annual, 2002 Lo-Down! Awards!

With Special Guest Stars:
Claire Flynn Boyle
Scott Keith
Triple H
Ashish
Mario
Jason Masters
The Scotsman
Sifl & Olly
Jeff Modzelewski
Widro
Avril Lavigne and many more!

And now, your hosts for the 2002 Lo-Down! Awards. Ron Yip and Bebito Jackson!

(*standing ovation*)

Bebito: Hi! I’m Bebito Jackson…
Ron Yip: And I’m Ron Yip. And welcome to the first ever, Lo-Down! Awards!

(*thunderous applause*)

Bebito: Yeah baby! Woo! You are now watching history in the making people! It doesn’t get any bigger or better than this.
Ron Yip: *sounding generic* That’s right, Bebito. This is what every writer at 411 Mania aspires for. The Lo-Down! Award is the highest honor that can be bestowed upon an author here in this cyber-world of ours. It’s so coveted that I myself, personally would… um… I’d, err… (*Hey man, there’s no way I’m reading this.*)
Bebito: (*Yes you will! Remember, you owe me dude.*)
Ron Yip: I personally would… *sigh* …give Dragonball Z: Boudaki for PS2 a perfect score of 10 to get one of these awards.
Bebito: Wow! And he’s not lying either folks! That’s because if you get one of these puppies, you know that you’re the best of the best. The cream of the crop. Numero, uno (at least as decided by me). Each Zone from 411 will be represented tonight, so be prepared for a wide variety of awards to be given out. And at the end of the night, we’ll crown our 411 Mania Writer of the Year Award. You don’t want to miss it, so stay tuned!
Ron Yip: Yeah… whatever…

The 2002 Lo-Down! Awards are brought to you by:

SEGA – Please buy our games. Please…

MICROSOFT WINDOWS 3.1 The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

and, VIAGRA – We Bring Good Things To Life.


(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE 01-14-03: BEGIN TRANSMISSION…)

Behold the “2002 Lo-Down! Awards” edition of the Down-Lo. Nothing has changed: The higher the DOWN-LO RATING the more I believe in these stories of mine (scale 1-10). As always these are just rumors (which is why you read me in the first place), so get ready to whip out your skeptic tanks. Enjoy. I do.


This is the Down-Lo.

UPDATE: SEGA RALLY 3 RUMOR
Sometimes, I’m completely off. Then there are those times that I’m completely dead on. Time to celebrate one of those times…

Remember not too long ago, I reported on Sega Rally 3 possibly making it’s way to a next generation console near you? Well Sega Rosso’s Kenji Sasaki just recently confirmed that Sega Rally 3 would be released in 2003 for Japan. Woo hoo!

Unfortunately, no platform information was given. So we’re all left to wonder and speculate. Guess it’s a good thing that that’s what I do. Seeing as how some of Sega’s higher-ups received some flack about releasing too many games on the floundering (at least so far in Japan) Xbox, we can probably rule that out. Rumor has it, that Sega will be concentrating more titles on the PS2 this year. And as much as I hate to say it, this may be the wise business decision. I could care less about what system the game comes out on, however. I’m just thankful that it’s coming at all.
DOWN-LO RATING: NONE FOR UPDATES

EGM RUMOR OF THE WEEK
There are some games that I’ve just never understood the appeal of. SpatterHouse was one of them. The graphics were terrible, even for when it was released, and the gameplay was sub par.

This game won’t die however; as the Quaterman is reporting that Namco is currently developing a sequel to the classic horror action game SplatterHouse. The game this time around, will reportedly be a 3D beat’em up action game. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get some enjoyment out this thing.

I’ve begun to trust the Quaterman a bit more since I’ve never read about him mentioning Nintendo’s Megaton Announcement (More on that later.), so I’m pretty confident in this rumor.
DOWN-LO RATING: 7

(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE: STANDING BY…)


411 MUSIC LO-DOWN! AWARDS
Ladies and Gentlemen, from 411 Music, the inspiration for the Down-Lo Console Compatibility Quiz and good friend of Bebito Jackson: Jeff Modzelewski!

(*audience applause*)

Jeff Modzelewski: 2002 was a year of change for music. We finally began to see the end of the boy bands. Rising up to take their place was, well, nothing. There was no huge breakout style in 2002. There was one huge development in 2002 in the music industry. That, of course, was the opening of 411 Music!

The 411 Music reviewers will review everything from Meshuggah to Mariah, from rap to reggae, from the has beens to the will be’s to the never weres. And, if you’re lucky, they’ll even review your favorite album or concert! Anyways, this award is for the best music reviewer. And the nominees are…

411 MUSIC: BEST MUSIC REVIEWER AWARD:

EVOCATOR MANES
AARON CAMERON
MATT R. JONES
MITCH MICHAELS

Jeff Modzelewski: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Aaron Cameron!

[411 MUSIC: BEST MUSIC REVIEWER – AARON CAMERON]:
“Wow. Now I know how Snoop Dogg felt when he took his first puff off a fat taffy blunt! I want to thank the Academy and my dozen or so loyal readers who stuffed the ballot box with my name. I only want two things in this world…peace in my lifetime and a female rapper who actually has skillz. God Bless…hey, is there any money with this award?”

Bebito: Nope. I’m not even getting paid for doing all this. Just walk behind the curtain like a good little winner. Thanks…

(*crowd laughter and applause*)

Bebito: This is one area, that ALL of the 411 Music guys are good at. That’s in writing their columns. The News Reports columns will be done separately, so here are the nominees for

411 MUSIC: BEST COLUMN AWARD:

(Till My Head Falls Off) ~ MATT BISCUITI
(The Good, The Bad, And The Sad) ~ CODY WEBSTER
(Ask 411 Music) ~ ADAM WALLIS
(Highway’s Revisited) ~ JAMES MARSHALL

Bebito: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* (The Good, The Bad, And The Sad) ~ Cody Webster!

[411 MUSIC: BEST COLUMN – CODY WEBSTER]:
“Wow. Bebito must be drinking out of the foggy end of the water hole. I really don’t deserve such an honor with Cankaya around, and Daniels for that matter, but I’ll except it and run off the stage hissing and threatening anyone who wants to take it away. Thank you, thank you. *hiss*.”

(*audience laughter*)

Ron Yip: It’s not easy being funny. Just ask Bebito. He’s never pulled it off successfully. The 411 Music guys seem to be on the ball though. Here are the nominees for

411 MUSIC: FUNNIEST WRITER AWARD:

JEFF MODZELEWSKI
CLAIRE FLYNN BOYLE
CODY WEBSTER
TOM COCOZZA
ADAM CANKAYA

Ron Yip: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Cody Webster! Again!

[411 MUSIC: FUNNIEST WRITER – CODY WEBSTER]:
“Bebito, you genius, you man among mice. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Did you know I was rejected from writing for 411 Games by Ashy? Well, I was. I’m glad to say my style of writing lives through you. Get the cloning machine! We can all live through my spirits, and inject them into 411 sections. We’ll even take the, *ewwww*, figure section. Anyway, a big HA-HA to you Molesty. I am the funniest… in Bebito’s opinion! Booya! Boo f*ckin ya! Thanks for the love man.”

(*Jeff Modzelewski glares from backstage*)

Bebito: Hmm. So 411 Games rejects end up working in the Music Zone, huh? Thank goodness I was accepted here, otherwise I’d be screwed. On to the next award. It takes a special kind of person to work in the News Reports Section. And I’m not just saying that because I work in the Games News Reports Section, either. Ok, no… not really. I can’t back that up. Here are the nominees for

411 MUSIC: BEST NEWS REPORT:

(411 Music Weekly Rewind) ~ JEFF MODZELEWSKI
(The Bubblegum Complex) ~ CLAIRE FLYNN BOYLE
(The News Release) ~ DANIELS
(411 Music’s Wednesday Music News Extravaganza) ~ TOM COCOZZA
(The Monday News) ~ JAMES MARSHALL

Bebito: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* (The Bubblegum Complex) ~ Claire Flynn Boyle!

[411 MUSIC: BEST NEWS REPORT – CLAIRE FLYNN BOYLE]:
(Live via satellite from Melbourne, Australia)
“Well, this is a hallowed day for Australians everywhere. The only two things I’ve ever won before this were a T-shirt on Brit Kids Show Double Dare, and a beanie at Melbourne Football Club Family Day. I’d like to thank Hayden Lomaro for being the most beautiful human being of all time, TATU for being the greatest band in the world, the official band of my world, and Avril Lavigne for all the material. I’d also like to thank the one man judging panel and most of all, to all the kids out there, remember pop is the only musical path. Don’t be afraid to say I like her, she’s miming. Oh and one last thing, even if you are oppressed as a blonde female, as Christina Aguilera says, fight the power, and you too can succeed. Thank you.”

(*crowd applause*)

Bebito: We all work pretty hard here at 411. And it’s not like we’re supporting ourselves on our writing careers. We all have our own separate jobs. So when someone puts on a hard effort for the site, we fellow employees notice the most. Here are the nominees for

411 MUSIC: HARDEST WORKING AWARD:

EVOCATOR MANES
CLAIRE FLYNN BOYLE
ADAM CANKAYA
ASHISH
JAMES MARSHALL

Bebito: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Evocator Manes!

[411 MUSIC: HARDEST WORKING – EVOCATOR MANES]:
“It is with deep and true heartfelt appreciation that I accept your gracious recognition of my efforts to bring you and everyone else content on the 411 Music site. I have tried to fill in and help out whenever possible, from reviews, to guesting in various columns, to doing the news on weekends (and sometimes sending links to Ash and Cankaya during the week), to writing a column for each of the categories on the site. I am gratified that my effort has been observed and appreciated. At the end of the day, it is all anyone can really ask.

Praise from this high of a source — don’t tell anyone, but yours is the only column I read on the Gaming Zone — at first astounded me until that sensation gave way to titillation and entitilitus. Amazingly, you neglected to choose me for your spotlight, but even in that decision, you have shown great wisdom. I am not at all a gamer. The games I have owned ever I can count on one hand (all platforms) and probably don’t even have enough for a Top Ten list. The most current technology available to me is a PS1. I don’t know who ToeJam and Earl are, either.

As I will never, in all likelihood, ever be a worthy choice for your fine interview series and in the spirit of sprinkling personal agendas in acceptance speeches throughout history, I thought I may as well select a few questions from Claire’s last spotlight and answer them here.

Ahhh shit, those are too specific. Additionally, probably no one wants to read that sort of thing anyway. I will just answer the one about whether you suck or not. I would categorically say no, as you seem a snazzy enough guy and are probably a smart dresser. Your column, however, DOES suck, except when I am discussed in it. Don’t feel bad, though. That is the rule for all 411 columns. Soon it will be the rule for all columns worldwide, then universally. Consider yourself on the front end of a trend.

Again, thx for the award. I will be busy swilling Guinness and talking to anyone who will listen about the good old days, when we walked uphill five miles in driving snow to school, then uphill five miles in driving snow back everyday, milked cows for another eight hours, then cooked food for fifty people. We ate wool coats, had no food or air and programmed Pong in basic. We were happy, goddammit!”

(*crowd laughter*)

Bebito: The 2002 Lo-Down! Awards will be right back after these rumor messages! Don’t go anywhere!


(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE: CONTINUE TRANSMISSION…)

UPDATE: NINTENDO’S ONLINE PLANS RUMOR
Another ‘I told you so,’ concerning what Nintendo is up to online-wise.

If you remember, quite a while back, I informed of the Big N’s plans to take several franchises online, including the Animal Crossing series (which has already been announced with online play), and Mario Kart. Well according to the Nintendo Dream Japanese magazine, Mario Kart GC definitely will feature online support. To what extent is unknown, but needless to say, at the very least you’ll be able to race competitively online, making it another MUST HAVE title for the GameCube.

Make sure to keep your eyes open for future updates.
DOWN-LO RATING: NONE FOR UPDATES

GAME INDUSTRY DOWN-LO
I’m no expert when it comes to the videogame industry. I’m just an expert when it comes to gossip within said industry. Here’s a guy that may have an inside track on this stuff, courtesy of our friends at Evil Avatar.

‘Yahoo’s envisioneering analyst Richard Dohery reported that Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo may reveal new and cheaper variations of their existing console systems sometimes this year. Nintendo may bring a portable version of GameCube to the market, Microsoft may bring out a smaller, lighter version of Xbox which will retail from $129-149, and Sony is expected to ship a more compact version of PlayStation 2 this year, which will retail from $99.’

It’s all very plausible. Although, I highly doubt the portable GameCube speculation Richard threw out there. Nintendo JUST revealed the GBA SP, with the spiffy new design and backlight, so putting a ludicrously more powerful portable system would be shooting themselves in the foot. Who would want a portable GBA when you could a portable GC? Nobody… that’s who.

A cheaper Xbox sounds about right, though. A lighter system would silence a lot of critics. And $150 is a good price for the system to drop to this year.

The PS2 speculation sounds like something that Sony would do as well. Compacting the system and dropping the price sounds completely doable. I’m not so sure that they’d drop it all the way down to $99 just yet especially because they could do quite well at $150, like an Xbox.

If all of this comes true (except for the portable GameCube thing), I wouldn’t be too surprised. And neither should you. As of now, there’s absolutely nothing to back this up, however. It’s all one guy’s speculation. Of course… he’s an “expert”.
DOWN-LO RATING: 4

(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE: STANDING BY…)


411 WRESTLING LO-DOWN! AWARDS
Ladies and Gentlemen, your host… Ron Yip!

Ron Yip: Wrestling has sure had its ups and downs lately. It saw new heights of popularity in 2000, we saw the popularity stabilize in 2001 and now in 2002 we see new lows in popularity. Seeing the WWE in the shape that it is is not pretty but it sure as hell gives plenty of cannon fodder for the following
411 Wrestling writers. We’ve received some very interesting, entertaining and creative columns this year from 411 Wrestling writers and you can thank the state of the WWE for that. You can also thank the 411 Wrestling writers for being so damn hardworking, churning out quality writing after quality writing. This of course leads to our next award which is the 411 WRESTLING: HARDEST WORKING AWARD. And the nominees are…

411 WRESTLING: HARDEST WORKING AWARD:

WIDRO
FLEA
SCOTT KEITH
ASHISH
ERIC SZULCZEWSKI

Ron Yip: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Ashish!

[411 WRESTLING: HARDEST WORKING – ASHISH]:
“Well this certainly beats least hard working. I can’t say it’s fun to be the hardest worker, but we have bigger hopes and dreams for this site and the only way to get there is with hard work. After all, we can’t ALL be as naturally gifted as Bebito…”

(*crowd applause*)

Bebito: Thanks boss. You’re the best *thumbs up, smile with teeth showing*. Our next category is funniest writer. Let’s take a look at the nominees…

411 WRESTLING: FUNNIEST WRITER AWARD:

JOSHUA GRUNTMAN
CHRIS HYATTE
SCOTT KEITH
THE SCOTSMAN
ERIC SZULCZEWSKI

Bebito: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Chris Hyatte!

[411 WRESTLING: FUNNIEST WRITER – CHRIS HYATTE]:

Bebito: Chris Hyatte could not be with us tonight, due to his current hiatus from 411. So accepting the award for Hyatte is Chris Pankonin from our own 411 Games!

Chris Pankonin: “Chris Hyatte is my hero, and the original thing to draw me to 411. Although I think he should be accepting this himself, I’ll be more than happy to accept the award, even though I’ve never talked to him personally or anything. But if he were here, I’m sure he would say f*ck off or something like that…”

(*crowd applause*)

Ron Yip: Next up is the award for 411 Wrestling’s Best Column. And with all the awesome writers here, that’s going to be a hard choice. Glad I didn’t have to pick these. And the nominees are…

411 WRESTLING: BEST COLUMN:

(The Smarks News-Center!) ~ JAY BOWER
(The World According To Ron) ~ RON GAMBLE
(The WWE World Heavyweight Title: A Complete History) ~ JOHN-PETER TRASK
(The Week In Wrestling) ~ DANIELS
(The Wrestling Aesthetic) ~ MORDECAI JONES

Ron Yip: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Jay Bower!

[411 WRESTLING: BEST COLUMN – JAY BOWER]:
(Jay approaches the podium)
“Thank you, thank you all so very, VERY much. Wow, I must say that after nearly two years as being the best columnist in the internet wrestling scene in my own mind, it’s nice to finally have a SECOND person agree. In all seriousness, I am extremely flattered that my random and often times mind numbingly long little columns were recognized by a man who’s work I am just starting to really enjoy. As a recently reborn “gamer”, I am floored by not only the ridiculous improvements in video games since I retired my N64 and Ps1 three years ago, but the quality coverage of the games by people like Bebito that just couldn’t be found when I was a thirteen year old kid having to resort to thumbing through idiotic issue after idiotic issue of Nintendo Power, calling hotlines (and wondering what the dweebs on the other end were really like in person) and *gasp* visiting my local library and checking out a book just to figure out how to beat The Legend of Zelda: A link to the past. I would like to take a moment to thank a few people who made this honor possible. First and foremost, I would like to thank Scott Keith for giving me a chance to write on an established site like the Smarks when smug boobs who ran other “major sites” wouldn’t even take the time to reply to my emails as they are likely so jaded by a handful of readers who perform textual fallacio on them that they actually believe that their cartoonish positions of “internet wrestling celebrities” gives them the leverage to act as though they are above the rest of the peasents in the world. It’s quite humorous actually in my opinion. I would also like to thank Widro for making me feel so at home right here at 411Wrestling and keeping his explicatives to a minimum when I send him the “oops” email that usually follows each and every one of my columns by several minutes at the most. A good man he is and it’s easy to overlook just how much work he and Ashish do (for free) in order to make 411 the best site it can be unless you are a member of the 411 family. Finally, I would like to thank those who have taken the time to read my work from day one, they are greatly appreciated and held dear by this glowing bastion of the internet wrestling community. Thanks again Bebito, I look forward to writing many more columns in 2003 and beyond!”

(*crowd applause*)

Bebito: Oh man. That was so lame. And I was on my best behavior tonight until that happened. Oh well. The nominees for Wrestling’s Best News Report are…

411 WRESTLING: BEST NEWS REPORT:

(The Saturday Matinee) ~ FLEA
(The Midnight News) ~ CHRIS HYATTE
(A Wrestling News Report) ~ JOSHUA GRUNTMAN
(Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc.) ~ ERIC SZULCZEWSKI

Bebito: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Chris Hyatte yet again!

[411 WRESTLING: BEST NEWS REPORT – CHRIS HYATTE]:
Ron Yip: “I’ll be accepting this award for Hyatte this time. I’m sure he wouldn’t care, but whatever.”

(*crowd applause*)

Bebito: It’s not always easy recapping a WWE show or any wrestling shows for that matter. A lot of them suck. Our talented writers here at 411 Wrestling however, make interesting what should just be retarded dribble. For that, the TV reporters deserve all the credit we can give them. Here are the nominees for

411 WRESTLING: BEST TV REPORTER:

WIDRO
CHRIS PANKONIN
SCOTT KEITH
PK
BRENDAN JOHNSTON

Bebito: And the winner of the Lo-Down! Award is… *opens envelope* Big Surprise. It’s Scott Keith!

[411 WRESTLING: BEST TV REPORTER – SCOTT KEITH]:
“I just want to say a big “thank you” to all the people who keep crashing the server every Monday night in search of my RAW rants — you can’t buy that kind of ego fulfillment. Thanks to the WWE for putting out such a shitty product every week and giving me tons to work with. Thanks to the morons on AOL who keep sending me hate mail as though I give a crap about their opinion and do anything other than forward it to Scotsman and laugh at it. Especially people with wrestlers in their name. Bonus points if there’s two of them in the same screen name. Thank you to all the indy workers who sent me an e-mail saying that I’m not entitled to my own opinion because I’ve never wrestled before — I’ve NEVER heard that before.

Seriously, thanks to the many people who read and enjoy my rants and provide questions for the Feedbags, and here’s hoping HHH & Steiner will have a happy life together once they both come out of the closet. Good night and god bless!”

(*crowd applause and laughter*)

Ron Yip: Don’t go away! There are more of these stupid awards that need to be given out. For now until we come back, enjoy Bebito’s lies… err rumors.


(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE: CONTINUE TRANSMISSION…)

HOW DO YOU TELL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE TWO GAMES ANYWAY?
Here’s a quick tidbit from Magic Box.

Rumor has it that Squaresoft is planning to include a preview trailer of Final Fantasy XII in their upcoming PS2 RPG Final Fantasy X-2. The game is scheduled for a March 13 release in Japan.

Yup. That’s it. I said it was quick.
DOWN-LO RATING: 5

SILENCE ABOUT SILENT HILL
Even though number three hasn’t hit store shelves yet, I have word that preliminary work is underway on the fourth installment of Konami’s radical horror, Silent Hill. According to Computer and Videogames, ‘auditions have already taken place for the vocal parts of Silent Hill 4.’

In an interview, ‘singer and voice actor Donna Burke – who plays the role of Angela Orosco in Silent Hill 2: Director’s Cut, and 30-year old cult leader Claudia, in the forthcoming Silent Hill 3 – confirmed a fourth part in the acclaimed series: “I’ve just auditioned and will resume my work with Konami in Silent Hill 4.”‘

Konami of course had no comment on the revelation. Guess somebody let the cat out of the bag a bit early.

Looking at history, we can probably predict that SH4 will hit the PS2 and possibly the Xbox. We’ll just have to wait and see for sure. Silent Hill 3, however, is scheduled to release on PS2 this autumn.
DOWN-LO RATING: 3

(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE: STANDING BY…)


I’m just getting warmed up here folks! Read Part 2 of the 2002 Lo-Down! Awards with awards for the staffs of 411 Figures, 411 Movies, and 411 Games. Plus rumors on Namco’s new titles, two new games in the Castlevania series, what happened to Nintendo’s Megaton announcement, and much more! You can’t miss the episode of the Down-Lo that’s so awesome, that it takes two columns to hold it!

Click the link HERE.