Inside Pulse 12

411 Games Rumor Down-Lo 11.26.02

(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE 11-26-02: BEGIN TRANSMISSION…)

Hi, I’m Bebito Jackson, and my mandible strength was deemed legendary by the classical Greeks!

According to last week’s 411 Games Interactive Countdown, WWE Smackdown!: Shut Your Mouth was your number one pick. *pat on the back* Good for you! Though, who would have thought a wrestling game would be the top rated title for a videogames page that’s an offshoot of a wrestling site? It boggles the mind! I’m going to go out on a limb however, and project that the new number one game for this week, will neither be Smackdown! nor Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. If you guys have any taste, there can only be one: Metroid Prime. Don’t even try to deny it.

Is it just I, or have Ron Yip’s columns been kicking major booty lately? Ok, it’s not just me? Alright, good. Just making sure. Read SimColumn! If you’re desperate enough to be reading me, then odds are you’re just starving for some genuine quality. Far be it from me to agree with anything written in Final Continue, but do yourself a favor and check out 411 Games on Mondays and give Ron Yip some hits. I will.

In a sort of related note, my stake in the pool for “How long will J-Lo and Ben Affleck’s marriage last?”, is on 30 days tops. That’s about how long it will take for either Lopez to get bored, or Affleck to figure out he married a complete loon. As far as the pool for “How long will it take P-Diddy to write a song begging for J-Lo to take him back again?”, my money is on next week.

Time for more of the rumors you know you crave. I still don’t have a decent computer yet, so if the inferiority of the column shines through, you’ll know it’s more than just my crappy reporting. Although it’s probably not much more than that…

Behold the “Bebito Sucks!” edition of the Down-Lo. We should all know this by now: the higher the DOWN-LO RATING the higher the chance that the rumor will become solid truth (scale 1-10). As always these are just rumors (which is why you read me in the first place), meaning most stuff here you won’t see elsewhere on the site, because there’s a small chance that all of these could be mere fabrications. Enjoy. I do.



This is the Down-Lo.

SONY’S THROWING A PARTY! CAN I CRY IF I WANT TO?
That silly Japanese gaming magazine, Famitsu, is one of the best media outlets around! No seriously, those guys are on the ball. Their reviews are fairly accurate. Their news stories are current and legitimate. Not to mention the fact that they have some of the hottest rumors around. If they keep it up, one day they may be on par with us here at 411 Games.

According to Famitsu, Sony is getting ready to announce some great new games during their annual Playstation Party next month in December. The most heavily rumored title to be part of Sony’s announcements during the festivities, is the much anticipated ICO 2.

This cat has practically been let out of the bag already, though. Those with good memories may remember that a while back, a help wanted ad from the original developers of ICO essentially alluded to fact that there would be a sequel. Of course, since then, there’s been no word or confirmation.

My feelings on the first ICO are mixed. For most people, the title is like NiGHTS on the Sega Saturn, in that either you’ll love it, or you’ll hate it. I’m sort of in the middle. I appreciate ICO for its mind blowing graphics, wonderful puzzle-solving gameplay, and intelligent design. Sadly, the engrossing atmosphere that everyone rants about for this game just never seemed to hook me. Then again, this possibly had more to do with the dreaded “Playstation bouncing screen of death” that I encountered while trying to play the game on my ancient television. With the sequel rumored to be coming, perhaps I should give the original game a second chance now that my newer TV won’t give me gaming vertigo.

ICO has a cult-like following in any case, so look for at least a few fanboys to wet themselves following the revelation of a sequel.
DOWN-LO RATING: 7

DONKEY KONG – RARE = DONKEY KONG NEXT
That silly American gaming magazine, Electronic Gaming Monthly, is one of the best media outlets around! Their reviews are fairly accurate. Their news stories are current and legitimate. Not to mention the fact that they have some of the hottest rumors around…

Ok, no. Not really. I can’t back that up.

Every once in a while nevertheless, EGM’s Quaterman rumor section comes up with the goods. The column tells about the future of the Donkey Kong series now that Rareware has left Nintendo’s abode. It appears that Nintendo’s EAD development group in Japan is working on a brand new game tentatively entitled “Donkey Kong Next” for Nintendo GameCube. Sounds sweet. The supposed rumor is that there will be a redesigning of the old Donkey that harkens him back to his older arcade days, rather than the interpretation Rare recently had on the character. Sounds sweeter.

I admit that the Donkey Kong games that Rare made for the SNES were great. The huge graphical jump that games in the Donkey Kong Country series exhibited over all other games released before it seemed to boost what people expected from the system. Many of us were all like, “Whoa. I didn’t know my SNES could do that!”

Rare’s efforts on the N64 with the much acclaimed Donkey Kong 64, while solid, did not have that same “Wow,” factor that the previous installments in the series gave us. They even made use of and required the N64 Expansion Pak, because the game was allegedly “just that gosh-darn powerful!” If you say so Rare. I didn’t see anything that was so much more amazing than Banjo & Kazooie.

Was the series getting stale under Rareware’s hands? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps the changes Nintendo’s own in-house studios plan to make could do the Kong some good. Besides, I agree with the Q-man in that I couldn’t stand another blasted DK-Rap. If the bottom line is that I’ll never have to hear another one of those things again, then I’m all for whatever Nintendo has planned.

Anyway, this is the “legendary” Quarterman reporting here, so we can pretty much trust the info. *cough*
DOWN-LO RATING: 8

THE BIG FOUR
Forever and a day, everyone has been speculating on what the heck Nintendo’s big announcement in December will be. It will allegedly be a industry shaking proclamation, and according to Nintendo themselves, will give them a huge advantage over everyone in the marketplace.

Here’s an interesting thought: Does it seem like there’s anything left to announce even? We’ve got The Legend of Zelda pack-in announcement, the Gameboy Player announcement, and the Capcom making 6 million new GameCube games announcement. Then we have all of the announcements that are already ruled out. It’s doubtful that Nintendo will join forces with Sega. We’ve seen that their current alliance with Sega is not so tight with the Sega Sports franchise being removed from the GameCube. It’s also doubtful that Nintendo would align itself with Capcom or Namco because that would not be the huge revelation Nintendo says they have, seeing as how both companies already make games for the system. So, again, just what is going on?

This is the dilly-o. Nintendo is coordinating a show that will showcase several new big-name projects from a group of developers next month in December. It is here, that Nintendo will drop what I like to call, “The Big Four.” “The Big Four” are four games that are in development for GameCube that, rumor has it, Nintendo believes will bring them marketplace dominance.

The first of these games is the heavily rumored series debut of the Pokemon franchise to GameCube. Anyone who follows the Down-Los knows that this will most likely be the much speculated about, Pokemon Online. For more info on this possible ground-breaking title see the 11.12.02 edition of 411 Games Rumor Down-Lo in the archives bar at the bottom of the page. All that can be said as of now, was said there.

Next, Enix is getting ready to show off its Dragon Quest VIII at the Jump Festa, which just coincidentally happens to be scheduled for the middle of December. Currently, no system is announced for the game’s release. Expect for Nintendo to pull this one out of their sleeves during their big show to fill the “RPG powerhouse part 1” quotient of the “Big Four”. Right about now you may be going, “Dragon Quest? Who cares about that?” It may not be that big a deal around these North American parts, but this series is HUGE in Japan. It’s so popular, that Square actually moved the release of one of their Playstation Final Fantasy games so that it wasn’t near the release date of Dragon Quest VII in order to avoid direct competition. I’m not kidding. Dragon Quest VII has exceeded Quadruple-Platinum status. That is no small feat. So expect the revealing of DQVIII to have huge fanfare.

Also, in order to fill the “RPG powerhouse part 2” quotient of the lineup, expect Nintendo to announce a Mother sequel on the GameCube. Again, some of you may not be familiar with this series (known as EarthBound here in the states) so here’s some history: Mother is a series of Nintendo RPG games that has a cult following both in Japan and America, but more so in Japan. There, the Mother series has reached popularity levels that can be compared to those of the Dragon Quest and the Final Fantasy series. Mother 3 for N64, the third game in the series, was reported to have been in production for roughly 4 years. Sadly, not long after showing off a demo for the game at a Spaceworld show in Japan, Nintendo cancelled the game, citing production difficulties. Just imagine all of that built-up frustration those wacky Japanese gamers must have. Now imagine how popular a GameCube version of the series will be after all these years. Nintendo did imagine, and they seem ready to release all those gamers’ frustrations. *feels some-what dirty after writing that, but not sure as to why*
The fourth piece, and possibly one of the most exciting, of the pie would be what Konami is allegedly working on. Sources claim that Konami is currently hard at work on a remake for the original Metal Gear Solid! Yes, you read me right. This rumor rears its head yet again. Get ready for a Resident Evil style remake with all the trimmings you’d expect. Just like Dragon Quest VIII, there is currently no declaration as to whether it’s a GameCube game or not. All rumors however, point to this huge title coming to the GameCube to round out Nintendo’s “Big Four”.

Here’s the thing: Will these games fly on this side of the pond? Pokemon Online is a big deal for many, and a Metal Gear Solid remake sounds great to all of us. But it’s whether Dragon Quest and Earthbound has what it takes to make an impact in the US, is the question. Those two series would kick major booty in Japan and sell many GameCubes to boot, but would people in North America and Europe really care about those titles? Probably not by themselves. But all four together could be a big deal the world over. The package is what’s alluring here, not necessarily each individual title.

I can’t wait to see what the “Big N” has planned. Between this and the Playstation Party, everyone get geared up for a December to remember. If anything new comes up, as always I’ll let you know.
DOWN-LO RATING: 5

411 DOWN-LO PUBLIC SERVICE RUMOR ANNOUNCEMENT
I have a VERY important announcement for anyone who is planning to buy a GameCube, PS2, or Xbox in the next couple of days: Wait! For the love of God, WAIT! Go over a friend’s house and play their systems for a while. Or rent one from Blockbuster if you’re like me and you don’t know anyone with a system you do not already own. Just trust me on this and hold off!

The Down-Lo is that all three major console designers, Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo, will be lowering the prices of their respective consoles within the next week. It may even happen the day after or possibly by the time you read this (hopefully not, because then this would be actual news *shudder*). That’s right, if you thought the consoles were already reasonably priced, then soon we’ll all have consoles that are priced at bargain basement costs. Ok, maybe not THAT low, but you get the picture. Supposedly the Playstation 2 and Xbox will be dropping to $150, while Nintendo’s GameCube will go all the way down to a ridiculous $100. Un-freaking-believable.

The question that some may have is whether the Xbox will lower its price to $150 and still include those spiffy Sega games bundled in. I’d guess yes. That would help them to maintain their edge over the PS2 going into the holiday season, which they wanted in the first place. Just don’t expect them to throw in Halo and Splinter Cell like they did in the UK though. (What the heck was Microsoft thinking over there anyway? Let’s give away ALL of our profits?)

This may have all come about because of Sony lowering the price of its PS2 in Japan. Sony may want to reduce the domestic price to coincide with their new lower cost overseas. And we all know that if one console maker wants to drop their price, then traditionally, everyone has to apparently do it to stay competitive. Whatever. We don’t really care about the politics (this ain’t 411 Wrestling) as long as it’s great for us gamers! Now everyone’s dream of owning EVERY system is one step closer to reality!

Again, don’t take this as gospel. These are just rumors and blah blah blah… But the chances ARE in our favor, ladies and gentlemen!
DOWN-LO RATING: 6

And that’s the Down-Lo. Refreshing wasn’t it? I feel thoroughly revitalized!



THE DOWN-LO RIP-OFF
Here’s a new section to my column that I’ll be adding in whenever I feel like it. We have many talented writers here at the 411 Games with original and innovative ideas. I, obviously, am not one of these writers. So, at the expense of my fellow columnists, I shall be randomly stealing their ideas, and make use of them here in my own revised format. *evil smile* Expect the quality to be lower than the original’s work, but that shouldn’t bother you, after all, you’ve all bought a Tomb Raider sequel at some point.



(DOWN-LO RIP-OFF TARGET: JASON MASTERS…)
Jason Masters *thumps up, smile with teeth showing* has a great little segment going with his funny gaming quotes. Might as well swipe that, seeing as how it’s popular and all. Besides, it significantly increases the length of my column, without me having to do actual work. (Wow. Jason’s a genius.) Mr. Masters though, seems to have taken the majority of the good game quotes, so instead I will publish some of my personal all-time favorite cartoon quotes. (So what if it’s a game site? It’s my column, so there.):

Yogi Bear Quotes — (My hero. He’s the King of not making any sense. I pattern my work after him.)
“It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.”
“I don’t want to make the wrong mistake.”
“You can observe a lot, just by watching.”
“A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.”
“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”
“Nobody goes there anymore; it’s too crowded.”
“I couldn’t tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on its head.”

Pinky & The Brain Quotes “
Brain: “It must be so inordinately taxing to be such a boob.”
Pinky: “You have no idea.”
Brain: Now, Pinky, if by any chance you are captured during this mission, remember you are Gunther Heindriksen from Appenzell. You moved to Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Murren. Can you repeat that?
Pinky: Mmmm, no, Brain, don’t think I can.
Brain: Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed.
Pinky: I’ll try.

Brain: Remember, I’m not just the president of the Small Club for Men, I’m also a mouse planning world domination.
Brain: “Pinky, Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?”
Pinky: “I think so Brain, but this time you put the trousers on the chimp.”
Brain: “Pinky, Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?”
Pinky: “I think so Brain, but me and Pipi Longstocking, I mean, what would the children look like?”
Brain: “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?!”
Pinky: “Yeah, I think so, Brain, but I can’t memorize the whole opera in Yiddish.”
Brain: “Pinky, you are a threat to tolerance.”
Brain: “Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?”
Pinky: “Well, I think so Brain, but we’re already naked.”

The Simpsons Quotes — (I’m barely even scratching the surface here.)
Homer: You heard me, I won’t be in for the rest of the week…… I told you! My baby beat me up!
Scientist: We could remove the crayon for you! It could vastly increase your brainpower! Or it could possibly kill you.
Homer: Hmm… increase my killing power eh?
Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Homer: I don’t have to be careful, I’ve got a gun.
Homer: God bless those pagans.
Homer: If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the numbers.
Miss Hoover: You may now exchange Valentines…
Ralph: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder.
Ned: I think it’s time we start our own Neighborhood Watch!..a-roonie!
Crowd: Yaaaaaaaay!
Ned: Now, who should lead the group?
Guy: You!
Crowd: Yeeeeeaaah!!! Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!
Ned: Well, I don’t have really much experience but I’ll be..
Moe: Someone else!
Crowd: Yaaaay! Someone else, someone else, someone else!

Homer: I’ve made it the whole day without seeing her again! *sees Mindy* AAh! I mean.. HAaalow!
Mindy: Eh… I guess we’ll be going down together.. I mean getting off t.. I mean…
Homer: That’s okay. I’ll just push the button for the stimulator, I mean elevator!
Homer: I miss my couch.
Wrestler: I know how you feel, you lost the couch, I lost the heavyweight championship…
Homer: Pfft. Heavyweight Championship, there’s like, three of those!
(How true Homer… how true…)
Homer: Oh, so I hear they have internet on computers now!
Homer: What the hell was that! I probably shouldn’t have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found in the parking lot!
Homer: Lets just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV.
Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.
Homer: Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He’s always one step ahead.
Homer: I lost our life savings in the stock market. Now lets move onto the real issue, Lisa’s hogging of the maple syrup!
Lisa: Well maybe if mom didn’t make such dry waffles! There, I said it!
Marge: Well maybe if you ate some meat you’d have a natural lubricant.
(That last one from Marge… Best. Quote. EVER.)

411 Games Quotes — (With all the crazy stuff we say here, we may as well be cartoons.)

Between Raw and the Nyquil I can barely keep my head off the keyboard, but Pankonin said I had to write it or he’d throw me in a trunk and then screw me. He meant it to. He’s done it before.
“¢ Jason Masters (Final Continue News Report)

You’re going to need a girlfriend, or at least sexually secure male friends, if you want to play this game.
“¢ Eric Williams (Mario Party 4 Review for GameCube)

I assure you that these pics are faker than 90% of Pamela Anderson’s body and are to be ignored. The screenshots that is, you can stare at Pamela all you want. I mean who hasn’t seen her boobs or stared at them flopping around?
“¢ Bebito Jackson (411 Games Rumor Down-Lo)

It was announced on Friday that Dennis Rodman would lend his voicing talents to the new game from Tecmo, which features the Dead Or Alive girls playing beach volleyball. No word yet on whether the game will suck but it’s getting closer to there with Dennis Rodman on board.
“¢ Ron Yip (SimColumn News Report)

Damn you Sega! You’ve killed his name recognition! Take Sonic Crappy Knuckles’ Digging Adventure 2 and bury it, and take the Dreamcast while you’re at it! Bury it and piss on it!
“¢ Jason Masters (Final Continue News Report)

Whatever it takes to get the fifty bucks to buy this game. If you are real desperate, just wait until Dad takes his special trip to the can after supper and empty his wallet that is sitting atop the bedroom dresser. Or, just take his credit card because Wal-Mart doesn’t care.
“¢ QBall (Metriod Prime Review for GameCube)

Jeez, it’s hard being the most hated guy on 411 Games. I had to take a week off to visit three different therapists (two of whom I slept with and only one of whom was female)…
“¢ Robert Florence (411 Bleep Street)

Xbox is teaming with Budweiser to promote the Xbox in bars across the country. At least I won’t be the only one throwing up on my Xbox anymore.
“¢ Jason Masters (Final Continue News Report)

On that note, if you buy a system just to play a game with animated boobs, then you are a sad, sad, lonely man. But if you read my news report, you’re cool in my book! (big thumbs up sign)
“¢ Chris Pankonin (411 Games News Report)

Tony Hawk Pro Skater… it’s back for another round and if you thought it couldn’t possibly get better then shame on you! You should be tied up and spanked by a bunch of men in Triple H masks because you obviously have no faith in Neversoft and Activision.
“¢ Ron Yip (Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 Review for PlayStation2)

The Xbox is still costing Microsoft tons of money. That’s what we like to call “The Power of Xbox©.”
“¢ Jason Masters (Final Continue News Report)

Mary Kate and Ashley: Sweet 16 Licensed to Drive (PS2) – I already have it pre-ordered. You should too.
“¢ Eric Williams (Super Gaming News Alpha 3 Turbo)

Shenmue II (XBox)- If you complete your collection of little egg toys, you will find an interesting secret the next time you visit the arcade: Mary-Kate and Ashley, naked, sprawled across the Out-Run machine, covered in whipped cream and honey when they are old enough (oh dear God in heaven, when will they be old enough???).
“¢ Robert Florence (411 Bleep Street)

Another guy died this last week after playing games for an ungodly amount of time. “That’s the Power of Xbox©.”
“¢ Jason Masters (Final Continue News Report)

411 Games’ own Robert Florence has his 411 Bleep Street Special up right now and he shows us why we should all just say no crack.
“¢ Bebito Jackson (411 Games Rumor Down-Lo)

…any feedback is wanted, necessary, and lack thereof is punishable by death…by Kabuki Warriors.
“¢ Myles McNutt (My Perfect Mario Game: Volume 2)

The culprit is NINETEEN F’ING YEARS OLD! If you’re that old and can be influenced by something you see on a television screen, you need to go away somewhere, away from society where there is no chance you can reproduce or spread your ignorance throughout the country.
“¢ Chris Pankonin (411 Games News Report)

Yep, rumor has it that Sega isn’t going to make their sports titles for the Gamecube anymore after they sold less than the Undertaker did for Brock Lesnar last month. Bebito didn’t pick up on this rumor because he sucks, by the way.
“¢ Eric Williams (Super Gaming News Alpha 3 Turbo )

Man, that was a lot of fun. Thanks for the idea Jason! Heh.

(DOWN-LO RIP-OFF TARGET: RIPPED OFF…)



All reader feedback (whether opinions or rumor questions) will be loved, caressed, and gently massaged, so send me plenty. Be sure to check out tomorrow’s Final Continue with Jason Masters, so he can show you how it’s really done. I’ll see you next week after Ron Yip displays his knack for enlightening sarcasm in SimColumn. Gotta go. Shenmue II is calling me. Peace. I love you all.

And don’t forget everyone, “Bebito Sucks!”© 2002 TM 411 Games All Rights Reserved
(411 DOWN-LO OFFLINE: END TRANSMISSION…)