Ok, let me just re-enter my password again. Dumb Down-Lo’s been acting up lately…
Uh-huh. Awww, there we go.
(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE 10-24-02: BEGIN TRANSMISSION…)
Bebito here! Did ya miss me? Of course ya did! Ahhh, it feels good to finally get some quality gaming time with my new mistress: Sly Cooper & The Thievous Racoonus, which is by the way the most RETARDED name for a videogame. And (to go off for a second) what’s up with Sony’s recipe for “Instant Platformer” by just taking random names or phrases, putting “&” in between them, then attaching it to a game? Jak & Daxter, Ratchet & Clank, and now Sly Cooper & The Thievous Racoonus. Running out of ideas are we? Anyway the game is the fo-shizza combining the aforementioned Jak & Daxter with Metal Gear Solid and if you don’t have it and own a PS2 buy it now! And if you don’t own a PS2, buy one stupid! And while you’re at it pick up Sly Cooper. Of course if you’re a Gamecube owner and currently playing Super Mario Sunshine, please go on about your business… nothing to see here. Anyway I pulled myself away from Sly long enough to bake together another Down-Lo just for you, my loving fans, fresh from the oven. To those unfamiliar with my rating system, the higher the DOWN-LO RATING the higher the reliability of the rumor with 1 being a little unlikely, 5 being about average, and 10 being close to fact. Please enjoy and as always these are just rumors (which is really why you read me in the first place) so take this with that small grain o’ salt.
This is the Down-Lo.
GAMECUBE ONLINE 2003: BEGIN TRANSMISSION… EVENTUALLY
PS2 is online (yeah!). X-Box is online (yeah!) GameCube is onl… err… GameCube has Mario (yeah!). Whoo, that was a close one. The fact remains though that Nintendo needs to get its booty in gear with the online revolution (ok, the truth is there is no more online revolution… this is the evolution; the revolution started with Sega and REMEMBER that). So far the only online game soon to be available for the system is Phantasy Star Online from *huge surprise* Sega. There are as of now are no official online games scheduled for release first-party wise from Nintendo. Gaming god Shigeru Miyamoto always has said that the GameCube would go online when the games to take advantage of it were there. It appears those games are coming next year people. Nintendo plans to have 4 HUGE online releases for 2003. Rumor has it that we’ll be seeing Mario Party Online, Animal Crossing Online, GameCube Wars (a GC version of Advance Wars) & Mario Kart Online (to lead the stable) before the ball drops in 2K3. Honestly I’d give up my first-born son, my left arm, my little brother, and my job here at 411 *thumbs up, smile with teeth showing* to play those games. OK, maybe not 411, but you get the idea. Who knows when the big N will actually admit this? Those guys are like a fortress with their info. My guess is early (before May) next year. Can’t freakin’ wait. If there’s anything new I’ll keep you updated.
DOWN-LO RATING: 6
EVERYBODY WAS VIRTUA FIGHTING, HUUUH!
I am a firm believer in the fact that there are fighting games, and then there’s Virtua Fighter. Nothing touches it in my book. Sorry Tekken fans (I like Tekken but Virtua is that game’s daddy, LITERALLY). Lots of Down-Lo coming from all directions about this awesome series so let’s get started. First, Virtua Fighter 4 will no longer be a PS2 exclusive. As X-Box fans may have suspected the system will be blessed with the newest incarnation of the game sub-entitled Evolution. More balance, more characters, and better graphics *looks at PS2 graphics… man and THOSE were good* will be the highlights of this upgrade to the current game. Sega has been refusing to comment on whether they would break the game’s PS2 exclusivity or not, and that makes it all the more obvious. In other Down-Lo Yu Suzuki, the game’s creator, is gearing up for the fifth installment of the series. No details as of now, but it’s definitely coming. Suzuki though is said not to play as big a part in the game’s development as in previous versions. Seems his plate is full with various projects such as Virtua Fighter Adventure for GameCube and Shenmue volumes II-XXIV. Don’t worry though, he’ll still be the producer and he’ll make sure it comes out right. Virtua Fighter 5 is said to be out in Japan arcades by late 2003 (like July, August). Stay tuned.
DOWN-LO RATING: 7
(411 DOWN-LO OFFLINE: END TRANSMISSION…)
Hmm? I didn’t sign off yet. There’s one more Down-Lo in the database for today. Hold on a sec…
What the hell?! What’s up wit dis?
Man come on! I brought you into this world and I can take you out! *calms down* Aight, aight, it’s not a problem I got dis. Down-Lo, I need you to reboot and run a self-diagnostic; over-ride authorization 729.
(OVER-RIDE CONFIRMED – BEGINNING SELF-DIAGNOSTIC…)
Alright this will take a little while. In the meantime… um… man. I don’t know how to do a normal column. Oh here’s an idea. There are many many many other talented people here at 411 besides me. *look of surprise from audience* No really there are! Here are some shills for a few of my favorite columns.
411 DOWN-LO SHILLS
411 Games’ own Robert Florence has his 411 Bleep Street Special up right now and he shows us why we should all just say no crack. That stuff will mess you up, but apparently it helps Rob here write one ridiculous of a funny column. Just be careful when you’re smokin’ that stuff Mr. Florence. Anyway you should check it out as well as his newest column coming soon, cuz I will.
My semi-boss and overall just swell guy Chris Pankonin has his X-Box review of NBA2K3 up. Go see why this game kicks Live’s booty 10 different ways to Tuesday. And I used to be one of those guys that lived, breathed, and swore by Live (you remember back in the days of the Genesis and early days of the PS1), but it no longer holds a candle to Sega Sport’s baby.
Just in case you missed it, I had a huge mind-blowing spectacular debut last Monday that shook the gaming world to its core! *look of humility* If you missed it you have got to go check out my first 411 Games Rumor Down-Lo. Of course make sure to finish the rest of this one before you go. By the way, thanks to readers of my column Lee Baxley and James “dendei” Conner for pointing out that Kingdom Hearts has a trailer at the end for those that completed everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that alluded to the fact of their being a sequel. It’s hard to get so you might want to check out different sites, which may have the video of it posted. If you don’t understand what I’m saying, like I said go check out the first Rumor Down-Lo!
And there’s no link yet but of course 411 Wrestling will have the immortal Scott Keith and his Smarkdown Rant up pretty soon seeing as it’s Thursday night and all. I especially love the Smackdown rants because he actually enjoys watching that show. I’m always afraid the poor guy’s gonna bust a vein watching Raw. The guy really has got to…
(SELF-DIAGNOSTIC COMPLETE ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬” ERRORS FOUND: 1)
Oh! It’s about time! Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and fix it. DUH!
(REPAIRING DAMAGED DATA ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬” ESTIMATED TIME: 127min. 34sec.)
(REPAIRS COMPLETE ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬” STANDING BY…)
See all ya need is that gentle touch. Now let’s see if we can get this thing going so I can finally get some work done. *crosses fingers*
(411 DOWN-LO ONLINE 10-24-02: CONTINUE TRANSMISSION…)
NiGHTS INTO GAMECUBE
I’m not the first to say it (or am I?) and I won’t be the last. NiGHTS is coming to GameCube. I repeat, Sonic Team’s classic and supposed one shot deal masterpiece of a game NiGHTS will see a sequel on Nintendo’s GameCube. Please sit down boys and girls and let uncle Down-Lo tell you all a story. Once upon a time there was a magical being called the Sega Saturn. It had great fighters, awesome RPGs, and the amazing Panzer Dragoon series. It was also slowly dying. Yuji Naka and his valiant warriors at Sonic Team had an amazing plan on how to keep the being alive. That plan was to make one of the most incredible gameplay experiences ever produced. They lovingly named it NiGHTS. Critics were amazed, cynics were silenced, and gamers were in love. The being breathed deeply rejuvenated, but the labor of love that was NiGHTS could not stop it from dying and a year or two later it did. The being though had a son, a powerful son. He was named Dreamcast. It had great fighters, awesome sports games, and the amazing Sonic the Hedgehog series. It too was dying. But there was no NiGHTS to be found! Sega fans begged and pleaded, but still no NiGHTS. Then one day in Official Dreamcast Magazine #1 Yuji Naka confirmed that he was indeed crafting the next labor of love NiGHTS 2 for the Dreamcast. Again the sun shown and the children joyfully cried out. Alas there was no NiGHTS and the son died. It was a sad story wasn’t it boys and girls? No no, it’s OK. Let it out. That’s it…You alright? *slaps readers* Good now cut it out. Sheesh, it’s just videogames. Anywho, Yuji never wanted to make a sequel to NiGHTS but the overwhelming pressure from his fans and Sega forced him to begin work on it. I actually still have a screenshot of the early version from Dreamcast (somewhere around here). It looked beautiful by the way. That work will apparently not be wasted and will be carried over to a brand new GameCube sequel. In an interview when Sega first went multi-platform Mr. Naka said that if you like Sonic Team’s games then you should definitely buy a GameCube. Now who here would like to read into that a little? Good, see now you’re getting it. Is it concrete? No (of course NO these are rumors and it wasn’t even concrete when Yuji first announced it). Is it coming really really soon? No (probably not; I’m expecting Sega to drop the bomb at E3 next year). Is there a strong possibility? Yes (YES…). Remember this one.
DOWN-LO RATING: 3
SPECIAL 411 DOWN-LO TEASER
Next week I’ll have some awesome Rumors as a sea full of em’ have been opened up just now. And there’s a REALLY big Rumor about a certain blue Hedgehog that runs really fast and grabs lots of rings, but I’m not sayin’ who it is. Whoa momma. You’ll have to stay tuned.
And that’s the Down-Lo. Thanks for all the feedback I’ve gotten. I will answer your questions as soon as I can, and as I’ve previously stated I may do one or two of your queries as Down-Los. Unfortunately it appears the bosses around here are playing roulette with my column’s schedule. Thus no longer will I be on Thursdays. *gasp of shock from the crowd* No no, don’t worry, I’ll be back on Monday nights from now on. *sighs of relief and applause* Which means you’ll be getting three columns within almost a week period. Man, that’s just crazy. See you next Thurs… err Monday? Yeah Monday. Oh whatever, I’m logging off…
(411 DOWN-LO OFFLINE: END TRANSMISSION…)